was I wrong to say this to my neighbors daughter

amother

Sun, May 15 2011, 10:40 pm

my neighbors dd came over to play on shabbos and a bunch of kids were sitting around my table, including my dd and her friend from school and a few other kids, my neighbors dd was telling a story about how when she was 5 years old she peed on the couch, or something like that, and that was the wording she used, which I do not think is nice wording (these kids were all age 10-11), so after she repeated the line a second time I told her that she should please not say that word in this house since we do not use that word in our home. was I wrong to say that? I'm asking because I expect similar situations to come up like this one, should I be correcting her or not, I did not want my kids or their friends to think that this way of speaking was ok.

Yocheved84

Sun, May 15 2011, 11:16 pm

Your house, your rules. Do you want your child to start using that word, too? He will, unless you correct the situation.

Also, I think we all have a parental responsibility to correct kids. Maybe I'm "that" person, but when I walk the bike path, I always correct the tweens who are mouthy or a bit too rambunctious after school. I know everyone says "sucks" nowadays, but I still feel a little weird about it. So when one of my students will use it in class, I will correct him/her--even if said student is 22.

Happy 2B

Sun, May 15 2011, 11:25 pm

I think you did the right thing OP. You set the standards in your own home. Of course if she is a shy girl and easily insulted etc. you could admonish her in private but saying something at all is important you can't be with your children all the time but in this case you were and it is upon you to teach them and help them to know what is appropriate and what isn't.

zipporah

Sun, May 15 2011, 11:36 pm

Just curious... is there any way she could have told the story that would have been house approved? In other words, was it the wording or the content?

Shopmiami49

Mon, May 16 2011, 6:06 am

It's never too early to start with rules in your home...

My 3 yr old ds came home from gan using bathroom talk and I told him: In this house we do nto say those words. Maybe in Roie's house his mommy lets, maybe in Avital's house her mommy lets, and that's ok, b/c it's THEIR house and THEIR rules. But in OUR house, this mommy does NOT let those words.

He totally gets it and constantly repeats it.

shalhevet

Mon, May 16 2011, 6:37 am

OP, that's fine. You can't discipline other people's kids in the store, but you sure can when they are guests in your home.

Shop - I would just ignore it. Take it from a mummy with older kids that if you don't use those words at home they will disappear by the time they leave gan. And the less said about them the better.

interestedbrooklyn

Mon, May 16 2011, 8:04 am

I hope you explained to them an alternate word because the kid might have been totally confused. Do you only say "number one"? I think it is good that you corrected them but it has to be done in a positive way -

amother

Mon, May 16 2011, 8:56 am

OP here. thanks for all the replies, I'm not sure if maybe I am wrong and saying the word peed is not worth correcting, is that a word that people use, it does not sound nice to me? I am friends with the neighbor and I have heard her use that word sometimes, so I know that is how her dd picked it up, other than that neighbor, I have not heard anyone else use that word. my neighbor does not see anything wrong with that word. it's true, I should have told her another way to say it.

amother

Mon, May 16 2011, 9:42 am

OP here. I would say "made" instead of "peed" or had an accident if talking past tense. Is this the way adults talk, I have to pee, or I just peed?

zaq

Mon, May 16 2011, 9:53 am

Yes, often. "I made" or "I have to make" is hardly adult terminology, either, if a bit more refined than "pee". aamof, "pee" is itself a euphemism for the English form of "pish", but you're right that it's sometimes considered vulgar. Not always.

No matter, in your house you make the rules. If you want the kids to say "I watered the plants" that's your prerogative.

amother

Mon, May 16 2011, 10:40 am

OP here. I would not say to another adult that I need to make, I would say that I had to use the bathroom. If I was describing my day toilet training a child then I might say that she made on the floor, I would not say she peed on the floor. I would agree that saying to another adult that you need to make doesn't sound nice either.

amother

Mon, May 16 2011, 10:49 am

Personally I dont think the girl did anything wrong. If you are against that word, thats fine and your right, but it is in no way a bad or vulgar word. Most human refer to it as "peed". "Made" sounds very babyish and abstract.

DrMom

Mon, May 16 2011, 11:24 am

amother wrote:

OP here. I would say "made" instead of "peed" or had an accident if talking past tense. Is this the way adults talk, I have to pee, or I just peed?

I suppose not. Then again, adults don't tell a group of their friends that they "made" on the couch.

We adults would say, while sipping on our dry gin martinis in an oh-so-sophisticated way, "Ah, darling, I just urinated on the divan."

No, seriously, I would have offered her an alternative word to use if you think "peed" is vulgar. As it is, she was probably just confused about what you wanted her to say.

BTW, how old is she?

Barbara

Mon, May 16 2011, 12:57 pm

Shopmiami49 wrote:

I assume that you know that its acceptable to use that language in Roie and Avital's house.

Barbara

Mon, May 16 2011, 1:00 pm

OP, I honestly wouldn't have a problem with a child using the word *pee* And if I were describing the occurrence in casual conversation, I'd probably use that word *the toddler peed on the couch*

That said, there are words and phrases that are not acceptable in my home, and all of the kids who visit are made aware of that. I see no problem in your setting that rule, even if its not one that I would set in my house.

DovDov

Mon, May 16 2011, 1:02 pm

Personally, I think "make" or "made" is much worse than "peed."

Then again, in my house we call it "urinating." (Or "you-wee-nating" for the little ones.)

DovDov

Mon, May 16 2011, 1:04 pm

I do agree "your house your rules" generally speaking, but I think making a fuss out of one use of a word that's not even really inappropriate is a little over controlling. If the word came up 10 times, okay. If it was b---h or s--t or some such, okay. But if I were your daughter, I'd be embarrassed.

zipporah

Mon, May 16 2011, 1:05 pm

Barbara wrote:

As long as you're prepared for the same thing to happen to your kid at someone else's house...