Toddler hurting new baby

amother

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 8:28 pm

My really easy going and well behaved 26 month old is touching his 3wk old baby sister a little to much to rough and in the worng places (head) at first I told him not to, then I raised my voice, I even pushed his hand away and once had to hit him. any ideas? I did buy him a very expensive new doll that crys, takes a bottle, pacifier.... today but it entertained him only for as long as the baby was sleeping once I picked her up to nurse her he dropped the doll and came to her.
I just want to point out that I hold her as little as possible (nursing...) and that we have plenty of play time for the two of us. I also don't think he is doing it out of hate or jealousy, he seems excited and begs me to let him kiss her which I do, but not all day long.

Esther01

Fri, Oct 06 2006, 2:00 am

nursing is the hardest for a toddler. because that's when mommy can't move, get me anything...

what I found to work very well was, I'd sit down on the couch and put the toddler right next to me (on the opposite side that I would be nursing) and I would start telling her a story... then in the middle of the story (when she is into it and not really paying attention to other stuff) I would pick up the baby and start nursing, all the time continuing to talk to my toddler. when I was comfortable with nursing the baby just with one hand, I would put my other hand around my toddler, so that she felt close and loved.

it took time for her to get used to the baby (especially my first to my second) but we got there.

hatzlacha

amother

Fri, Oct 06 2006, 9:54 am

I don't want to put my baby anywhere high for safty reasons and I really want my toddler to learn to listen to me and not to hurt her.

About sitting him next to me: it is almost impossible to distract him, and I have no problem nursing with one hand and even getting up while nursing to give him anything he needs.

su7kids

Fri, Oct 06 2006, 10:57 am

I don't think its anything he's doing on purpose. He wants your attention, give it to him as much as you can.

When it comes time to diaper the baby, ask him to carry the diaper to you. What a big boy! Mommy's helper!!! Mitzvah Boy.

One thing that really worked for me was, when I was talking to the baby, I'd say "Oh, look Big Brother [insert name], Baby's{insert name] smiling at you!" "Baby Loves You". Baby is so glad to have yo uas a big brother, etc. When the baby starts to interact and smile with you, you'll notice that baby doesn't CARE what you SAY to it. But Big Brother understands EVERYTHING you say, so play up how much he's helping and what a big helper he is, etc.

And touch him more, even if its patting his head when you go by. I found sometimes it backfired if you'd say "Oh, wow, you're the big brother you can do so much more than the baby" because then he'll revert to the baby stages to get your attention.

Let him touch the top of the babys head while you're watching, and show him how to do it gently. Let him kiss the top of baby's head or baby's feet! Let him show as much love as possible, and "Oh, baby LOVES it when Big Brother ......"

Good luck. He's 99% not trying to hurt the baby, but he doesn't realize how strong he is.

I think also one of the downsides of those lifelike baby dolls is that the doll can be banged and dragged and ignored, etc, and nothing happens to it.

amother

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 9:04 pm

I'm reopening this thread. This is a new amother, just found this thread. These suggestions are great, and I do some of them already.

My biggest problem is that I have a pretty active older son, so as soon as I start nursing the baby, or when I have to hold the baby, I take out a specific toy for my son to do or turn on a video, try to read him a book.
Thing is, these things last around 2-5 minutes and then he starts pulling books from the shelves, looking for things to destroy.

It's really hard especially since I have to clean up from him ALL the time. He really is a sweety, I love him, but I just wish there was a way to make things more peaceful. Any ideas??

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 1:28 am

Someone I know puts her active toddler into his highchair with crayons, paper and snacks and nurses the baby next to him.

BTW, I wouldn't recommend allowing the toddler to touch the baby's head. Instead, you take his hand and stroke the baby's foot or leg and tell the toddler that's where he can make nice. I'd be hesitant about the hand because of germs - toddler touches baby after a day of whatever, baby puts hand into mouth...

amother

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 11:10 am

Another thing is, I try to give my toddler as much individual attention as possible when the baby is asleep or content. As soon as that happens though, I feel that I should be getting things done around the house.
How do people balance that?

happymom

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 11:33 am

this can work well:

decorate a box and tell your toddler its his/her special nursing box. every time you nurse bring your dodller near you and tell him u have something special in the nursing box just for them while u nurse! it can be stickers, crayins, a snack, a favorite book etc... also, u can pm me if u want more ideas, since I had a baby 5 months ago, so u can relate... its hard in the beginning but it does get easier!

happymom

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 11:35 am

Quote:

do things around the house together and talk while u do it. for example while u are washing dishes (if u have two sinks) give your toddler some dishes in the other sink and a sponge so he can feel hes helping and washing dishes too! my daughter loves to help "fold" laundry, make the beds, sweep with her little broom, and when I mop I let her put her toy mop in water so she can mope too! Wink

suomynona

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 5:12 pm

happymom wrote:

this is a great idea.
thanks!

what is a very simple way to decorate a shoe box, for the artistically handicapped?

shoy18

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 5:28 pm

suomynona wrote:

happymom wrote:

this is a great idea.
thanks!

what is a very simple way to decorate a shoe box, for the artistically handicapped?

just cover it with wrapping paper...easy enough