Bar/bas mitzva for nephews/nieces

seeker

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 6:19 pm

B"H I have a lot of nieces and nephews and they're starting to come of age, so I'm feeling a little overwhelmed... Is there a standard expected of aunts and uncles? We are a kollel couple wihtout much money to spare on extravagant gifts but we do want to do something special for our nieces and nephews that will be appreciated. So this needs some thought, what's nice but not too costly... Some are the type not to appreciate sefarim/judaica at all so that's out in most cases.

Next question: The first couple of bar/bas mitzvahs were while I was still single and I kind of just considered myself party to what my parents got them. Do I have a fairness problem if suddenly now I start considering myself an independent gifter?

I have 3 celebrants coming up right now but another 20 or so in years to come... This will probably be coming up 2-3 times a year for at least a decade.

Argh, I just can't think what to get!

SunshineWoman

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 8:08 pm

I got one niece pearl studs (cost $50, I bought them in the diamond district in NY, cant remember the store) and then I got my other niece a heart locket which she wanted. For a cousin I got her a hadaya necklace for her bas mitzvah. I don't think there is a standard gift but all three LOVED the gifts. Ross Simon is a good website to check out if you want to find jewelry at reasonable prices.
I don't think it is unfair that you "went in" on the gifts previously with your parents. And I don't think anyone will judge you based on it.

seeker

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 8:57 pm

yiddishemommy wrote:

what is your spending limit?

That's basically what I'm trying to figure out... what's normal, on the low end but not stingy?

lamplighter

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 9:34 pm

I think you should pick a classic gift and do it for all of them. (You can even bulk buy;)
How about a leather siddur with their name on it? (works for boys and girls).

MommyZ

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 9:35 pm

lamplighter wrote:

I think you should pick a classic gift and do it for all of them. (You can even bulk buy;)
How about a leather siddur with their name on it? (works for boys and girls).

She said some are not the type to appreciate judaica/sefarim so that's out for most.

lamplighter

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 9:52 pm

Sorry my bad - shoulda read more carefully.

I think a standard gift is better than a price range and getting different presents for each occasion. That's what I do. For an upsherin the boys all get _____from aunt lamplighter. Same for Bar or Bas Mitzvahs.

Don't most yeshivish boys get sefarim for their Bar Mitzvah? Maybe an engraved pen?
For girls it can be a classic piece of Jewelry. Pearl studs are perfect.

seeker

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 10:20 pm

OK, I'll bite - what DO they get from aunt lamplighter?

That's a nice idea. I was thinking I'd like to do something more personally thoughtful for each child but in the long run it'll be hard work.

lamplighter

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 10:26 pm

I'm just being practical here Smile

The personal part will be the card you write to them.

The boys get a bechur. The girls get a necklace with their name in Hebrew.

I personally like that Bar/Bat mitzvah presents be "Jewish"- isn't that what it's about?

Tova

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 10:32 pm

We've had one nephew's bar mitzva so far, and my husband sent along an inscribed sefer with his parents to E"Y (where bar mitzva was). Cost = $20-ish.

amother

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 10:46 pm

seeker wrote:

The first couple of bar/bas mitzvahs were while I was still single and I kind of just considered myself party to what my parents got them. Do I have a fairness problem if suddenly now I start considering myself an independent gifter?

I did this too. I never gave my own gift till I got married. For my side of the family my parents still sign my name on their card and I give something small. For my husbands family we are on our own and have to give a larger present.

My husband's nephew loves lego so we bought him a lego set for his bar mitzvah ($43).
For my nephew we bought a travel size mishna brurah on sale for $20

seeker

Wed, Jun 22 2011, 11:33 pm

Ideally, yes a bar mitzvah gift should be Jewish. But in reality, if the kid is already frum and getting mostly sefarim and isn't really into them, I don't want to be the stuffy old aunt whose gift disappoints - "oh, another book..."