bringing your guests

amother

Sun, Jun 26 2011, 7:12 pm

Is this weird or is it just me?

We were guests at someone for shabbos (they invited us!) and they were invited out for a meal so they brought us along. We did not know the family we ate at Friday night. Is this ok?

WINDY

Sun, Jun 26 2011, 7:22 pm

did u know in advance that they wer invited out? id feel really uncomfortable if I didnt know the people whose house I was eating at...

spoons

Sun, Jun 26 2011, 9:58 pm

I've been a guest at someone's house but we were told that we would be eating out a meal. It was fine! (as long as the host knows your coming, of course!)

MaBelleVie

Sun, Jun 26 2011, 10:02 pm

I was in this situation once- I was invited to a family when I was single, and they announced when I got there that they were eating out Fri night, but of course I was invited too. Gee, well I would hope so. Anyway, it was awkward. I ended up getting sick and I spent the whole meal back in bed at my host family's house. (It wasn't related to the situation, I had been feeling queasy since I got there).

Raizle

Sun, Jun 26 2011, 10:03 pm

it's a scenario that only works in certain situations

"would you like to come to us for Shabbos lunch"
"I'd love to but my husband's brother is here from Eretz Yisroel staying with us for the week"

"great so bring him along with, I'm sure my husband will enjoy meeting him"

however in most other situations it's kind of weird.
if I invite a family over for a meal, they expect to be coming to us not to be going elsewhere.

did their host know they were bringing you?

lamplighter

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 7:38 am

I don't think the weird part is if the (2nd) host knew you were coming but for the guest themselves. Especially if they were invited by the (1st) host and didn't ask to come or whatever. As a guest- who said you want to be at a potentially uncomfortable situation.
I once had this and the host called me Thursday to say they were invited out for Shabbos day- do I mind because she feels bad saying no... Well I would of rather not and I think asking me barely "helped" the situation, what was I supposed to do- say no?

chocolate moose

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 7:44 am

In Crown Heights, I think it's common. We've had this situation "on both ends".

Ima2NYM_LTR

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 7:46 am

Its happened to us, we invited some friends a for Shavuos and they said "sure but so and so is staying with us, can she come to?" well in this case we knew 'so and so' very well and she is always welcome in our home, so it wasnt an issue

Fox

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 8:13 am

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

Same here. For people who frequently host singles or newlyweds, this is pretty common in my community. It's considered a way to see friends as well as introduce the single/couple to new people within the community. Often, then, the secondary hosts will then invite the single/couple again themselves on another occasion.

sushilover

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 8:22 am

In eighth grade I once was invited to a friend's house for shabbos. Her family was invited out for one of the meals, and took me along without telling me or my parents in advance. I was pretty uncomfortable, and now that I think about it, I can completely understand the horror on my mother's face when I told her about it. She never let me go to this girl for a meal again, and I don't blame her.

amother

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 3:28 pm

sushilover wrote:

I can completely understand the horror on my mother's face when I told her about it. She never let me go to this girl for a meal again, and I don't blame her.

horror? uncomfortable, ok, but to be 'horrified' and 'never again..'? is it THAT big a deal?

MiracleMama

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 3:35 pm

I've had this experience many times. It can be awkward, depending on the situation, but so long as the family hosting the meal is expecting you, it's fine. The family you're staying with should give you an advanced heads up as well.

What I don't like is when I invite a particular family for a meal and they just show up with all these extra people. No warning. It has happened several times with one particular family and it drove me crazy. We don't invite them anymore.

Raizle

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 6:02 pm

amother wrote:

sushilover wrote:

I can completely understand the horror on my mother's face when I told her about it. She never let me go to this girl for a meal again, and I don't blame her.

horror? uncomfortable, ok, but to be 'horrified' and 'never again..'? is it THAT big a deal?

I don't know about horrified but I'd be pretty upset if I gave permission for my kid to eat at one person's house only to find out they went somewhere else.

There could be kashrus issues involved or even as far as an issue with the family eaten by themselves.
It could turn out to be very awkward.

amother

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 6:48 pm

We had the situation two times. Once we invited a family for shabbos lunch and Thursday night or Friday morning they called up and asked to bring along their sister. We said yes. Another time a family that was eating by us asked also Thursday night if they can bring along their divorced friend and child. We said okay. The divorced friend and child never showed up and we set up for them. We felt it was wrong.

Peanut2

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 6:58 pm

This was super common when I was single and living in Israel. Families definitely did this, and singles and couples among themselves, too. I think it's great, and allows people to expand their social circle.
Of course, it can be incredibly odd, too. It really depends on who the people are, as well as how common it is in a community.

amother

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 8:26 pm

peanut 2.My friends & I often host singles & bring them along to other friends. They don't mind as they are expanding on their circle of friends & hosts for shabbos. My older kids "singles" regularly bring friends home. Sometimes they don't know us anyway so what's the big deal to go to our friends.
Understand we only do this with really good friends, not the person who just started working with me 3 months ago.

flowerpower

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 8:30 pm

It would be nice if they notify you beforehand and the hosts better know before shabbos that they should expect more people! We had guest showing up with their guest but knew in advance.