How to connect/discipline my almost 6 yo son

amother

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 11:23 am

I am open to all tips and ideas.
My delightful almost 6 year old is really going through a hard stage.

I feel like I am disciplining/yelling at him the whole day to get him to cooperate or do anything. Whether its getting dressed in the morning, going into the bath, etc etc you name it.

He is a typical (or isn't he, tell me) boy and has to touch everything, get filthy every day even shabbos if I wld let him, and insists on playing with neighborhood kids that are way younger than him (which is another issue too, do I stop it or hope it will pass - does it?).

I have fallen back on charts, an old fav. I hope it will work. but I think it runs deeper than that. He is my first boy and I think I am having a hard time knowing how to connect to him. I am by nature a strict disciplinarian, and I wonder sometimes if I expect too much of him.

I took a parenting course, namely to help me out with him. it has helped but I am still at a loss. I am terrified that he will turn out to hate me, and be impossible like some other boys I see around.

any tips, comments, ideas are really really welcome. thanks in advance.

abby1776

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 12:22 pm

My almost six year old (July 10) is the same way. I feel like everything is a battle with him as well. I wish I had more answers for you. I guess the most important thing is to be consistent. My son also plays better with younger boys, but I think that is because At home he plays a lot with his sister who is two years younger than him.

the world's best mom

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 2:07 pm

I don't know your kid, but there are a few things that come to mind:

1-To repeat my usual refrain, "When a child deserves a hug the least, that's when he needs it the most." In general, hugging and cuddling are great tools to help you bond with your child and build a loving relationship. Make a point of snuggling up to read a book every day, give him hugs often, lay on the couch and relax with him while you talk about his day...

2- If your child likes to play in the dirt, please do him a big favor and buy him cheap clothing, even for Shabbos, and let him have fun. Playing is the best thing for a kid to be doing. It can be very therapeutic and kids should not have to worry so much about ruining their clothing, IMO. Save the good clothes for occasions and have junky clothing for playing in the dirt.

3- Some kids tend to prefer playing with kids who are younger or older than them. I would not stop him, but I would encourage him to play with kids his own age as well. You can make him playdates with some kids in his class so he can get to be more comfortable with them.

chavs

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 2:12 pm

I dont have much time but two books I'd recommend is How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by faber adele and elaine mazlish and hold on to your kids by gabor mate. they are both really good both with insight and practical advice.

amother

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 2:31 pm

I have "how to speak..." thanks for the reminder, I will re-read it tonight

thanks for the tips re hugs. I do try to make a point to get in some nice physicall hugs, touch, sitting on my lap. he does need it, esp seeing that he was my baby for a while before the next one came along.

glad to hear its fine for him to play with younger kids in your opinion. in school he doesn't seem to have social issues at all acc to his Rebbe. only manifests itself at home in the neighborhood. I have invited over classmates, but they dont always hit off and then it becomes a real bother bec he wants to run off and play with the neighbors.

I let him play in the dirt in the weekday as much as he wants. I don't get annoyed about clothing. the only thing I expect is that he cleans his hands when he comes in to eat which he gets annoyed about. I am concerned about pinworms etc.

its more that I want ways how to get him to cooperate, without having to nag. my daughter older is so much diff/dare I say easier to discipline. esp with his time management lack of skills. I can't say if youre not done in x minutes there will be this consequence bec he loses himself, I almost know for sure he won't do it.

social_butterfly

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 2:24 am

also the book, "how to raise your children without raising your voice" I forget the author, she is a frum woman (maybe chabad).

consistency (in daily routines and discipline), positive praise for when he does do the right thing, settign up play dates with friends that are not only the same age, but also good role models (some other 6 or 7 year olds my behave worse!).

also just discovered this - www.myjobchart.com if he is allowed to use a computer with your supervision.

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 6:14 pm

this info is so helpful as my 6yo son (who is the oldest) also behaves quite similar to how u describe... an I hate getting into a battle with him but I feel like he 'just does NOT listen' and I have 2 repeat everything until I start screaming till he does....
BH socially he is fine with his friends from school but finds it hard 2 mix with the other boys his age in the neighbourhood

cute1

Sun, Aug 14 2011, 7:31 pm

my 7 yr old son sounds just the same. He likes to play with younger children b/c by nature boys like to be bossy and younger children will rather obey him.

my fight with him starts when he comes home and needs desperately the restroom, but is lazy to go or gets busy with toys... When I send him he gets very very upset and starts arguing. from there on, the day is over... he is upset and argues with me, siblings...

One day when he came home I told him if he goes quickly to the restroom, he will help me bake a cake, he was high excited, no arguments bh. after we finished making the cake he told me "Momy, thanks for teaching me how to bake a cake, I feel so good being a baker"

Guess what, the next day he went without even telling him, when he was done he asked me "what can you teach me today?"

Maybe u try finding an activity he likes very much. for example: you sit down privately to play a game with him, have him make shape cookies, it will make him be so appreciating and he'll feel so proud. (the dough you can prepare in advance or buy ready from the freezer)It will maybe cost you $3-$4, but it means so much for the child.

Good luck, lots of naches!