18 y.o. dd owes Public Library $81.00 and dh wants to

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 8:18 am

18 y.o. dd owes Public Library $81.00 and dh wants to negotiate the amount for her A G A I N!

How is she ever going to be responsible for her finances? She'd ignore it and not use her card.

The past few times my husband went to the library to plead on her behalf and they lowered the amount owed. Im tired of him doing that for her. She's 18 now! Hed happily do that for her now again.

What would you do? DH has too much Rachmonus on her and is making a baby out of her! I think that this is a bad lesson for the rest of her life.

DH says why should the library gain more.

What would you do?

mommalah

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 8:21 am

She should be made to go to the library herself and do her own negotiating. It's a lesson she needs to learn about finances.

BeershevaBubby

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 8:23 am

What does he mean, why should the library gain more??? It gains more because your daughter was irresponsible with the loans she took out at the library. If it were a credit card, this would be the interest...

I don't understand your husband's 'logic'.

wtvr

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 8:26 am

Who's paying it? You or her?

zaq

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 8:28 am

I would not negotiate. You have the right of it.

abound

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 8:32 am

if you live in NY they are giving 1$ off for every 15 minutes of reading. Its on an honor system. Either way, If you negotiate for her you will teach her that she does not have to be responsible.

chocolate chips

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 9:46 am

At 18 if I would have done something like that there was no way my parents would let me get away with it.
if your dh is adamant on helping her out mayb suggest you pay a bit and she pays the rest...or she pays you the difference between the original amount and the amount your dh negotiated down to.
At 18 she should start being responsible because when she gets married who will she fall back on then.

MaBelleVie

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 9:49 am

Unless she is not a typical 18 year old, she should absolutely be taking responsibility for herself at this point. What is your husbands logic here?

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 9:49 am

amother wrote:

18 y.o. dd owes Public Library $81.00 and dh wants to negotiate the amount for her A G A I N!

What would you do?

I found out that in NYC if you donate a book to the library, they will accept it in lieu of the books you owe, plus processing fees.

That year I went to Amazing Savings (where else?) and bought quite a few books.

You can ask the library if you donate books if they will accept it in lieu of fines.

As far as responsibility is concerned, I always buy library bags each time I go to the library for 25 cents each bag, and buy 2 or 3 each time. Make sure you tell your daughter to only keep the books in the designated library bags, and to return the books to bag after she is done with them.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Dec 29 2015, 6:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

ValleyMom

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 10:56 am

Your daughter need to step up and be an adult and go down to the library and deal with it herself.
Your husband is enabling your daughter and ultimately creating an "unhealthy" adult who will forever be looking for the easier, softer way out. It is time for her to step up to the plate and take responsibility for her own actions. She is 18 years old not eight!!

(I hope this didn't come across as to gruff but as a teacher I am sick and tired of parents making apologies for their kids instead of the kids taking responsibilities for their own actions.)

jbf

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 11:11 am

abound wrote:

if you live in NY they are giving 1$ off for every 15 minutes of reading. Its on an honor system. Either way, If you negotiate for her you will teach her that she does not have to be responsible.

I AGREE 100%

overthehill

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 11:14 am

jbf wrote:

abound wrote:

if you live in NY they are giving 1$ off for every 15 minutes of reading. Its on an honor system. Either way, If you negotiate for her you will teach her that she does not have to be responsible.

I AGREE 100%

Its only in queens and Manhattan. Not Brooklyn. It says it on summerreading.org

imasinger

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 11:41 am

Why does your DH want to negotiate?

On the surface of it, unless there is something I'm missing, it seems not too derech eretz. She didn't return the books on time. The library charges a fine, which she owes. She agreed to the rules by signing on for a library card. The library is a non-profit institution; they are not going to be using her fine to line anyone's pockets.

I understand that $81 is a lot of money. Many libraries charge a large replacement fee if the book is very late, but if the replacement book hasn't yet been bought, the fine is lowered accordingly when she returns it. At a minimum, she should get the books back immediately if she hasn't already done so.

While I'm all for negotiating and bargaining in appropriate circumstances, I have a hard time seeing this as an appropriate circumstance. Maybe if they are charging for a replacement fee and then not replacing the book because she brought it back, I could see having the conversation, but otherwise, not so much. I sympathize with your DD -- I return library books late far too often. But I don't begrudge the fines. It's my fault, plain and simple.

Unless there's something I'm missing, I'd encourage your DH to talk to a rov about it -- it seems like a problem on a number of levels, both for him and for your DD.

chocolate moose

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 1:00 pm

Being the NYC library fees are low, it's quite a bright'kite that your dd ran up so much fees and fines.

Even if she is an immature 18-year-old, and there's nothing wrong with that - she still owes the money and I say she needs to pay up. Let her babysit.

Peanut2

Sun, Aug 07 2011, 2:19 pm

mommalah wrote:

She should be made to go to the library herself and do her own negotiating. It's a lesson she needs to learn about finances.

yup. or she can pay.

ElTam

Mon, Aug 08 2011, 8:28 am

Just another voice, but your DD is 18. She needs to handle this, either by paying in full or negotiating. Yes, parents can and should help their children once they are past 18, but it is better for her to learn a lesson on something little like this than on something big that could have long-term effects.

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