TAKING A LOAN FOR RENT?!!

amother

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 4:35 pm

oh my goodness, sarag and crayon and the rest of you having a go at the original poster.you are being horrible. who are you to judge someone elses situation??
she is having a hard time with money and it is our positon to help or be sympathetic not to start bashing her for how she spends her money.
cummon ladies wheres the decency.

original poster, I feel for you ,a loan might help you get out of your current situation if you can pay it back slowly and only if you have a plan how to pay it back.
I think the childminding in your house is a good idea that way you don't have to park out your kids.
I know its fustrating and upsetting not to be able to buy the things you need.
even if someone else thinks you don't need it Rolling Eyes

im sure you do.

shalhevet

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 4:46 pm

amother wrote:

Why do you call it bashing? Your "advice" is just going to get them deeper and deeper into debt. She came for advice how to help herself out of the situation.

Quote:

I know its fustrating and upsetting not to be able to buy the things you need.
even if someone else thinks you don't need it Rolling Eyes

im sure you do.

What makes you so sure? What is your philosophy on life? Buy whatever you want and convince yourself that it's a neccesity, while ignoring the consequences? New cars and vacations are almost never neccessities.

BTW, what about the landlord in all this? It is really wrong not to pay him while you are using your money for vacations etc. It is also transgressing the issur of not paying on time, according to some opinions. And could cause a chilul Hashem if he's not frum/Jewish.

Crayon210

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 4:49 pm

amother wrote:

She asked for advice.

My advice is get rid of some of your toys and pay the rent with real money, not borrowed money.

Quote:

original poster, I feel for you ,a loan might help you get out of your current situation if you can pay it back slowly and only if you have a plan how to pay it back.
I think the childminding in your house is a good idea that way you don't have to park out your kids.
I know its fustrating and upsetting not to be able to buy the things you need.
even if someone else thinks you don't need it Rolling Eyes

im sure you do.

NEED? Vacations, fancy cars, cellphones? Are you kidding?

I feel for this woman too, but I think that she needs a reality check.

You don't put away money for a down payment if your kid doesn't have diapers.

You don't borrow money to pay rent.

You don't go on vacation when you don't have enough food.

Encouraging someone whose father-in-law paid back 15000 dollars Exclamation

worth of debt to incur more debt is FOOLISH.

JMto2

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 4:53 pm

crayon you are 100% correct I would just add that she should do some babysitting in her home to bring in some money at a time when she is tight. Some people do not like to change they just like pity this is how it looks to me there are many cchanges that could be done in this persons living to make them live affordable.

amother

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 4:55 pm

that is why I say take the loan. because if you dont pay the landloord you will just get yourself into more trouble.

in no way am I saying that the way she is spending is right but helo it is not the time to judge right now. she dosent need that. I doubt she can get out of the car, phones etc.. now.

and she is prob going to have to go into more debt to get out because she gotta pay the rent and bills along the way otherwise there will be trouble for her she dosent need.

when I said necessitys I ment the water for her baby that saraG decided she didnt need.

Crayon210

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 4:56 pm

MommyEsty wrote:

there is no need to be so harsh to her now. im sure she knows what she has done wrong.

It doesn't sound that way at all. She's talking about how she has tried minimizing but her husband "can't control himself". They need to sit down and grow up. This is a serious situation, not a case of eating too much chocolate. Confused

Crayon210

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 4:56 pm

JMto2 wrote:

I agree. If someone needs money, they should be working!

amother

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 4:58 pm

I'm right now in a bit of a similiar situation. we went on an expensive vacation, thinking my dh had a good job when we come back. they strung him along all summer that he'll be getting this job. the past years job let us live comfortably. However when we got back, they let him know that they decided they don't want him. now he's out of work for over 2 months. money is really tight. We did not have to borrow money yet. we are using our savings. I work, but the money I bring home, only puts food on the table. rent, bills...... we use our savings. DH is looking for something, but its really hard. he can only take a 9-1 job. He's in college the rest of the day.......

MommyEsty

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 5:00 pm

Quote:

basicly im just trying to be dan lekaf zechus over here. why not give it a try..

Crayon210

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 5:01 pm

What's he going for? How much time does he have left? How much more could he be making if he were working full-time, and could he work full-time and save some money so he can finish up school later? Etc.

These are all the questions you need to figure out in order to determine how to make it work again.

Crayon210

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 5:06 pm

MommyEsty wrote:

Quote:

basicly im just trying to be dan lekaf zechus over here. why not give it a try..

Dan l'kaf zechus WHAT?

Flowerchild

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 5:16 pm

one more thing, not everyone knows how to handle money and not everyone is capable of living a simple life style, if the ops, fil has money, I think she said that and her dh is used to living a certain type of lifestyle then he probably wants to keep up with it. seems to me that op realizes the situation that she is in, seems they just dont know how to save, and spend efficiently, they want a comfy life etc. but its beyond their means, they got to learn how to live accordingly.

micki

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 5:36 pm

let me understand this I can get a clear picture here-
original post says you have no money for rent, for diapers for water. (why are you buying water?)

then you say you have $$ saved for a down payment you drive fancy cars, you go on vacation and you have expensive toys.

now you want to know if you can get a loan from a bank to pay your bills and you are thinking of a gmach, which is there to help people who have NO savings and no fancy toys. (you understand that if you borrow $$ from a gmach, then someone who REALLY needs it, and has no savings will be turned down- right?)

you spend beyond your means and your hubby cannot control himself. your FIL paid 15,000 of your debt and you are too embarrssed to ask him for money agian. (are you surprised?)

something does not add up here-
however if this is all true, then I say yes- go to a bank apply for a loan. watch yourself be rejected, maybe that will be a reality check for you to prioritize here. and then I would go seek help. serious help.

amother

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 5:55 pm

I really feel for you OP. It seems from what you say your dh is a combo of growing up living very comfortably and not earning enough to support his comfort level like ALL of his sibs.

That is Hard! He is trying not to be seen as a big loser to others as he probably sees himself as one.

You seem more financially saavy knowing that the bank loan can only get you in deeper.

Either you go to work or start being a bit more bossy over the money. Do not go on lavish vacations, you do not need to tell others that you dont have the money, maybe you cannot take off.

Don't get new cars until you really need them, keep what you have for a long time.

Eat pasta and tuna when its on sale.

You are probably better off taking a one time saving yourself amount out of the "downpayment" unless it is earning way more interest than the rate for the loan would be.

Bottom line, if he doesn't know how to not spend, you'd better take the lead until your income goes up.

When adults know in the back of their mind that their parents will always bail them out of big trouble when it comes down to it, its a big impedement for learning responsibility.

raizy

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 8:02 pm

I dont understand u. why dont u have enough money for food and diapers and formalla. isnt that number one ... food. rent .. shelter... bills. utulties. and then goes all the rest. like clothing and other stuff.

I do know of ppel who live like that. they are married not a penny to their name but have to keep up to the jones. the kids go in very expensive clothing. and the vaction they take ..... but they dont pay their bills on time. ....

why should other pple suffer bc u like to live a rich life on other pples expense. (like mine)

it makes me wonder what are these pple thinking? why are their clothing and lifestyles more important then paying their bills on time. Question

sorry I can go on and on. this is a very sore subject to me.

pple have money for what they want to have money for. paying a babysitter is last on their list..they would rather buy expensive clothing first.

amother

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 8:38 pm

You might not be able to make your husband see things in a responsiable way, but you don't have to join in, in his extra spending. If you can, babysit so you have food and just not get involved in the other bills, so that it his responsibility. Also don't sign for any loans let him do it himself.
hatzlacha