Got a dog.Think it was a mistake.Did this happen to a/o else

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 11:05 am

gold21 wrote:

shabbat, youre cute, of course you should give up the dog if youre that miserable! its not even a question. its obvious. youre miserable and you need to give up the dog. its a no-brainer for me. have you heard of the term "the good enough mother" (some psychologist coined that phrase)? you dont have to be the Alpha Mom, Mrs Perfecto, to raise a happy child. youre a very good mom and if you cant handle the dog, it wont make or break your daughter's childhood. accept yourself and move on. g'luck.

gold, thanks for saying it how it should be. I just feel soooooooooooo bad, not of breaking my daughters heart. she is still a little bit afraid of the dog anyway. And we could just ask the people who gave us the dog if there were any other people interested in the dog, but my husband will be devastated. I know him well and I just hope that he does not hold this over me for a while. Because as I said, I know him and I know how he gets with this that make him upset. Not that that would deter me. I am giving it tomorrow and if everything is the same, if I feel the same, I am going to tell him tomorrow during the day. SIGH...........

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 11:09 am

ElTam wrote:

Just something to think about after your later posts. Once you get through the hard puppy phase, you may find that the dog is good therapy for your depression. They are very soothing to pet and offer lots off unconditional love. (May not work for you, but just a thought.)

your cute. the dog is what is causing me to be depressed. I was on cloud nine before he got here.

slushiemom

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 11:09 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

slushiemom wrote:

Yup. We got one, cuz my dh and both kids really wanted one. I actually only agreed after the itamar incident. I tried really hard but I'm not a dog person, and I was really grossed out by it. It lasted two weeks, then I had enough. No more dog, I'm so happy and dh knows that I really did try.

Glad to know that I am not nuts. The thing is, is that I think I am not even going to last a week. Am I a total failure, you think? Or just not a dog person. I always thought that I was, but now I see, I am SOOOOO NOOOT a dog person.

I only lasted two weeks bc part of the deal was that dh has to do EVERYTHING for it- if I had to even do anything I wouldn't have lasted a day. The two weeks of him doing everything was too much for me cuz I got grossed out by everything the dog touched or licked. there's no question if you hate having it around this much that it's not fair to you to have to live with it for even one more day.

Malasheval

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 11:26 am

Shabbat, I am so relieved to see this post today.

My kids are DYING for a pet, and I feel like a nasty mom saying no to them, but I really don't feel like I am up to that kind of responsibility right now.

At least now I can feel like I'm making the right decision...

Hope you figure it out, either way...

shalhevet

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 12:10 pm

Shabbat, just get rid of it. I think I really have a responsibility to post on this thread as someone who isn't into dogs at all. Sorry, but some posters here are obviously emotionally attached to their pets and are projecting onto you. Some posts sound like a poster is writing that she can't cope with her baby (lehavdil) and is considering giving it up for adoption.

This is just not worth one minute of your misery. Even if you adore your dog in six months time, who cares? You still have to live with it tomorrow meanwhile.

Your dh cannot expect you to do an optional activity because he wants it. If he wants a dog he will have to wait for a time when he can take care of it (if such a time ever comes).

I can assure you there are thousands and hundreds of thousands of happy, healthy, well-adjusted children growing up all over the world who don't have a pet.

Just get rid of it tomorrow morning. Give it away. Or give it to a shelter if you can't find somewhere else. Your happiness and sanity (and that of your family who you care for) are worth more than a dog.

grace413

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 12:27 pm

[.

.[/quote]Gosh, I am jsut reading this and realizing, I said that I would try to live it out for two more days, how in the world am I going to do that. I am getting hot flashes just thinking about that. Crying

[/quote]

Shabbat, you are too young to have hot flashes. Very Happy

See if the people who gave you the dog will take it back. If your DH sees that you are this miserable, I'm sure he'll understand.

Chocoholic

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 1:21 pm

The puppy months are the hardest. After that, a dog becomes more calm, stops doing damages, no more accidents inside... In other words: they become the pet you wanted. If you give it away before, you are going to miss out on that!!! It will get better.. trust me!!! I had a difficult and naughty pup and now have a delicious dog!

wispalover

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 2:19 pm

Shabbat- I am so sorry you feel this way. I know I was one of the people who said how much my DS loves the dog in a diffrent post.

The truth is I work and DH is home so he watches the dog; our dog is also over 2, fully trained and sleeps pretty much all day.. and even though she is so easy, DH still wants to give her away.

Before we got this dog, we rescued a 15 week old puppy from the side of the road. I felt the exact way u described- sick to my stomach, panicking, not ready etc etc. We re-homed him.

Puppies are really hard work. I am glad we did not get a puppy even though they are cute. It would have been to hard and too much responsibility. I agree with those who are saying you need to re-home him.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 3:24 pm

I am a dyed in the wool dog lover, and I want to tell you do not feel guilty!

Puppies are insanely hard work. They can be every bit as hard as a new baby. For a first dog, I always tell people to rescue an older dog, preferably one that's already been trained. Elderly people who are going into nursing homes often surrender beautiful, loyal, well behaved companions who will bond to you quickly. Puppies are for masochists! LOL

The thing is, puppies don't just want your love, they NEED it. Not loving a puppy is like not feeding it. Dogs are pack animals, and if they don't have a pack leader to bond with they will become very neurotic, depressed and destructive - just like children. If you cannot love a dog, then please give the dog to a family that will love it, and have the patience to deal with the frustrating puppy phase. You will be doing the right thing, not only for yourself, but for a helpless baby animal who is looking to you for meet it's needs. Explain to your DH that it's the best thing the dog's emotional development to be in a more loving environment, and maybe he'll see that you're not just being selfish.

Not being a dog person does not make you a bad person, a bad mother or anything else. I don't like cats, but I don't look down on cat people. Other people can't understand why anyone would possibly want a rat or a ferret, and yet they all have their charms. Hey, I can't stand bell peppers! Does that make me evil? No, it's just part of who I am.

Find the puppy a good home, be proud of yourself for trying so hard, and then let it go. Cook DH his favorite dinner, give him an extra snuggle, and I'm sure everything will be fine. You'll be reclaiming your space before you know it. Wink

NativeMom

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 4:48 pm

If you are seriously having a hard time caring for your dog then by all means find another home. My parents got a dog 2 years ago after he was hit by a car and lost a leg. We were going to take him but realized that there was no way we could ever manage. He is living a perfectly happy life with my mom and dad and when we visit we get to see him.
They are a huge responsibility(emotional, physical and financial) and if you are miserable than think about whats best for you, your family and the dog.
I would definitely talk all this over with you DH, it might help you come up with a decision.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 5:58 pm

Ruchel wrote:

A sold dog will be treated better than free.

Some shelters end up killing the animals.

Put up ads! Ebay, local ads in street, vet...

It's illegal to sell live animals on Ebay. You can list on Craig's List, but you can't sell them, just rehome them.

A vet's office is a good place to start, and you can ask your local pet store if you can post an ad in their shop. I found a great home for two abandoned cats by advertising in a pet food store. If you do go to a shelter, ask if they are a "no kill" shelter or sanctuary.

EmesOrNT

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 6:36 pm

sequoia wrote:

emesornt wrote:

I thought it was a problem for jews to own a dog?

Many people on this site own dogs, as you would see if you browse through the pets forum.

yes I know, I have a few friends with dogs, but my husband mentioned once that a dog is a problem. I think its because of shabbos. I was just wondering.

regardless, I dont think I can own a pet of any kind. my kids goldfish went belly up after only 24 hours. I certainly couldn't manage a dog!! well maybe I could but my kids wouldn't and I think its their responsibility.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 6:45 pm

Thanks everyone for all of your posts. It is not 4:30 in the AM here in Israel and I am awake. The dog was yelping in his crate and we had to let him out. Now I am just sitting awake.
I had a looooong discussion with my husband last night. I must have looked terrible afterward because I was crying like a baby. I know that my husband really wants a dog, but I know that more than that he wants a happy and not depressed wife. We talked about it for a long time and decided that I was going to first email the people that gave us the dog to see if they would take the dog back. Well, before I came back to imamother, I checked my email and the lady wrote back to me asking if something terrible happened or if it was just not at all what I was expecting and seeing just how lovely she was being, I was completely honest with her. So, I hope that later today (being that it is a quarter to 5 already here, the day will start soon) I will talk to her and be able to give them back the dog. This mother had 6 babies and there are still 2 in the litter that were not taken, so I am sure it is ok if I return the dog. I know that my daughter will be a little bit upset, but I am just going to tell her that the ema dog was too sad without her puppy and we have to give him back.
I feel much better about everything now. Thank you everyone for your posts.