How can we limit sites on High School grad daughter's Ipod?

lamplighter

Thu, Sep 08 2011, 7:04 pm

Point is she (OP) can do what she wants but so will/can her daughter.

The idea of it being a personal toy means that there is zero control a parent can have over it aside for cutting off WIFI in the house or taking it away. And OP, if you're so against internet or don't trust her to use it appropriately (after she graduated high school!?!?!) then why'd you buy her the itouch in the first place?

Still sticking with my thought that the only effective method is to have a discussion with her. Or take it away.

auntie_em

Thu, Sep 08 2011, 7:46 pm

What Barbara and lamplighter (and the others) have said.

In any event, frum-through-force rarely, if ever, works. Who cares if she goes through the motions of being frum? If she were my daughter, I would care more about her beliefs and values and the quality of our relationship.

I don't want to sound harsh but it seems she already has one foot out the door. Why give her a good reason to walk out totally?

chanahlady

Thu, Sep 08 2011, 9:04 pm

And how will this heavy-handed approach somehow bring her back to yiddishkeit? If anything, this censorship will just reinforce her notion that the way of life she was brought up with is stifling her.

eshmelky

Thu, Sep 08 2011, 10:27 pm

Its a little late for this now, but for other people who want to avoid this scenario- maybe don't get/allow her an ipod touch in the first place? there are plenty of music players that don't have to have internet. Once she has the ipod touch there is kinda no going back on what shes going to look at.

imasinger

Thu, Sep 08 2011, 10:45 pm

chavamom wrote:

grace413 wrote:

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but you need to come to terms with the fact that you cannot control what your 18 year old daughter does.

Obviously you are distressed that she is going in a direction you don't like - that's normal. But unless you keep her chained up (which I do not suggest) she will explore as she wishes.

You mention she is financially dependent on you. So you want to use this as leverage. You can do this to a certain extent - your continued financial support can be contigent on her observing mitzvot at home. But are you really going to demand she turn over her Ipod to you every Erev Shabbat? And if she calls your bluff, what will you do?

^Yup, that's pretty much it. She's an adult. As someone once told me, "once your children become teenagers, you job goes from being manager to director of sales". In other words, you have to sell them on it, not order them to do something. The days of you being able to control what she does or does not do are long gone and it's time to come to terms with it.

I love that line! Very true.

I'll be curious to see an update about how the OP decided to resolve the situation, and what happened.