American-style Yeshiva in E. Yisrael? Please help asap!

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Wed, Sep 21 2011, 7:50 am

Hi. I'm hoping someone can help me.

My ds is almost 15, a very good learner, but he is in a very high-level stressful yeshiva. He has completely burnt out and doesn't want to go back.

He likes the chutznik mentality, and we are thinking about sending him to chul to learn there. But before I do, I would like to know if there are any other options here in Eretz Yisrael.

Please could you respond asap if you know of something appropriate.

(p.s. we are charedi; likvaks)

morahaviva

Thu, Sep 22 2011, 1:13 am

Sorry - the only one I know is an American HS but tzioni, not charedi - I think its in bayit vgan...

RachelEve14

Thu, Sep 22 2011, 1:18 am

I know years ago someone sent to the Yeshiva near Chashmoniam. It was at the time Charadi hashkafa, but with adaptations (I think they might have even offered bagruit).

I think this one might be it, but I am not positive...

http://www.nbn.org.il/componen......html

Good luck OP.

Depressed

Thu, Sep 22 2011, 1:36 am

Maybe

http://yesodei.org/

Seems like a wonderful place

merelyme

Thu, Sep 22 2011, 1:55 am

RachelEve14 wrote:

Nehora does do bagruyot. It's not so easy to get in.
Maarava is on a higher level, also near Chashmona'im, also does bagruyot, is almost impossible to get in.

OP, are you looking for a yeshivah ketanah (no secular subjects) or yeshivah tichonit (like Nehora and Maarava - yes secular subjects, yes bagruyot)?

There are at least two places in Beit Shemesh that might be good.

Isramom8

Thu, Sep 22 2011, 1:59 am

Over the past few years we have looked into a lot of alternative yeshivos for our son. It depends on the specific situation. Feel free to PM me. My DH knows better what the pros and cons of each place are.

amother

Thu, Sep 22 2011, 3:29 am

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am going to look into the different options that everyone posted.

I really appreciate everyone replying so quickly.

Tizku l'mitzvos!!!

chani8

Thu, Sep 22 2011, 3:22 pm

I would just suggest that you try to find out why he burnt out and make sure nothing bad happened to him. It isn't such a simple thing to say a kid got burnt out. My son looked like a kid who was burnt out, but really his lack of motivation was a result of having been molested. In the end, he needed to get out of the charedi yeshiva system completely and now has a new lease on life in a MO yeshiva. We chose that, instead of a yeshiva for 'off the derech' which he never was, and he was too intelligent for low-stress yeshivas. He really was just struggling with getting out of bed in the mornings to face his very boring and controlled-by-the-yeshiva life. He loves his new life because of the independence, and he is still religious, it was never a question about that. Something to think about, before sending a boy outta the country. And I apologize if I am way off for even suggesting any of this, but I've been thru a lot and just wanted to share that there can be more to the picture of a boy being burnt out by yeshiva, although if it is only that, it is understandable since they control the boys 24/7 and watch on them so intently. Who could handle that kind of scrutiny?

amother

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 4:33 am

Look at the chardal and charedi schools on NBN, you will find a few others like Nehora.

Isramom8

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 4:49 am

Also beware of "helpful" powers that be who assume that your son was molested, on drugs, etc. and get sidetracked from the real issue of finding him a yeshiva that works for him.

chani8

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 5:23 am

Oh, did I say something wrong, Moderator?

How can a parent find the right yeshiva if they don't know what is the cause of the burn out?

I was not implying that her son had these problems, c's, but giving an example of a root cause of burn out, which in our son's case was a biggie.

I guess my point really is, that parents should talk to their kids about what is going on with them. Sorry if my examples were so offensive.

Perhaps this mother has no problem other than her son wants a yeshiva that ....what? Lets him leave early...play video games...skip shiurim...just what might she be looking for in a yeshiva for a burned out boy?

I was reading into the question that there is a lot of pain and anquish going on here, and perhaps she wants to think about the root causes of her son's burn out.

So, OP, if my input was not 'helpful' and you felt that I was just scaring you, please forgive me.

Ruchel

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 5:25 am

A yeshiva could still be serious, but just not be as intensive.

Isramom8

Fri, Sep 23 2011, 5:34 am

Chani, I was not posting as a mod, just as me. It's my own frustration. My son really did/does need a place where the learing is less pressured and they provide supervised TV, Playstation, etc. There are more than a few places like that!

The problem isn't always that the boy experienced a trauma in a former yeshiva. Some people get stuck on that idea. It happens, but it also doesn't happen, you know/

amother

Sat, Sep 24 2011, 6:17 pm

Hi this is the OP.

Yeah, my son is burnt out by his 'control-freak' Rosh Yeshiva. He knows which boys missed mincha, who came 2 seconds late to shiur, etc. He even frowned and almost didn't let my son go to get his glasses fixed when they were broken (and he has a pretty high number - he couldn't see too much!) In the end, he did let my ds go, but made him feel really bad, that he had to go 'during seder' . (But the shops are closed before and after seder!!!)

Also, they have a rav who teaches on such a high level, that even the cleverest boys in the shiur can't completely chap it. My son started taping the shiurim on his MP3 (hidden of course in his pocket), and in every spare second of this time (lunch-break, after seder 10:30pm, erev Shabbos after yeshiva), he would re-listen to the shiurim and write them down.

After 2 weeks, he couldn't carry on and gave up... complained he had no time to bath, talk to his brothers and sisters, or do anything! He said that he was doing this to SURVIVE, for him, it wasn't extra.

We are now in touch with a rav who is trying to help us to get him into a good yeshival, where the learning is on a high level, but where there's no pressure...

Does such a place exist??

Isramom8

Sat, Sep 24 2011, 7:28 pm

That's the catch. A "good" yeshiva is a pressured yeshiva. How alternate does your son need? For example, Shaarei Yosher in Har Nof Rechov Katzenelenbogen - is that "good" when it comes to your son?

amother

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 1:36 am

Can you please tell me about it... I know nothing.

TIA!

amother

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 1:42 am

This is the OP again.

I don't know that he needs 'alternative'. He does need: 'no pressure' - both from the Ram'im and between the boys.

Isramom8

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 2:32 am

I think it fits your description, but I named it in order for you to start to figure out what your son needs. There are many yeshivos, all slightly or majorly different. Start somewhere, get an interview, bring your son, and see if what he needs is exactly where you are, or if he needs more or less.

amother

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 2:36 am

Thanks, Isramom. Do you know if it has a p'nimia? Also, could you give me a description of the place/level of learning/schedule, types of boys that go there?

Thanks.

chani8

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 4:47 am

I just want to say that your son's experience was very much like what my son was going thru. We got so frustrated when the Rav said, he will decide when our son needs a break, not the parents (after we asked if our son could accompany the family on a day trip during chofesh hagadol for the girls).

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