HELP! My ds is miserable...

amother

Mon, Sep 26 2011, 1:44 am

My ds called me tonight from yeshiva miserable as can be. He hates his roommates, hates his rebbeim and hates the yeshiva. He wants to come home so badly but he is 18 for heaven's sake!!! Its his first year in yeshiva although he has been to camp before. He called me saying he was upset a few times but I thought it just takes time for him to get used to it. What should I do?! He's 18! He's not a baby! Why can't he speak up for himself and approach the R"Y if he needs to? We are a OOT family so coming home isn't really such an option. DH doesn't either know what to do because dh had an easy time in yeshiva. He's coming home for sukkos but what-he won't go back?! I've had enough!!!! The amount of deciding that went into which yeshiva he would go to plus the agony we went through with getting him in.... And I just need to vent but I spent a fortune on getting him a fancy alarm clock which was confiscated because it had a radio Sad

he never listens to it anyways! I tried hard to get him off smoothly and look what happened Sad

He is my oldest

amother

Mon, Sep 26 2011, 2:19 am

I didn't think he would be unhappy! We asked so much about the yeshiva from his previous rabbeim and everyone! Everyone said it was an excellent yeshiva. I think it might be but I don't understand why he's just so upset. Will he ever get adjusted?!

Ruchel

Mon, Sep 26 2011, 9:17 am

He may be 18, but not all kids are ready to be away from home (especially if they don't loooove the environment) so young. He would probably adapt if he HAD to, but here he sees coming home as an option.

Is there another yeshiva somewhere else that he could try? is it done in your circles to skip yeshiva and go to kollel straight? I know of many frum boys who do this when the parents can't afford yeshiva/don't believe in sending out of the house/no nearby yeshiva fits hashkafically or is high level enough.

For the radio, unfortunately if it's against the rules it's against the rules... didn't they tell you in advance what was ok to bring? I would ask to have it back.

morah

Mon, Sep 26 2011, 9:25 am

I assume yeshiva started when Elul did, so let's say about 4 weeks ago. It would be normal for him not to be totally adjusted, but if he's that miserable that he just can't find anything to like, something is not right. It could be he's not ready to be away from home or it could be that this particular yeshiva isn't working out for him. Could your DH maybe take a trip out there and take a look at the situation?

amother

Mon, Oct 17 2011, 2:43 am

Ds home for sukkos and says he's a bit happier...I'm hoping time will tell. Dh says he should try another while and we'll see. Honestly, from the way he's been constantly hanging out with his fellow bochurim, it seems he's fine but I don't know... Oh oh oh was I so hard as a teen? Rolling Eyes

No, the truth is I feel for him-its just hard for me to see it like this.

mommee

Mon, Oct 17 2011, 11:36 am

It must be hard for you to listen to him tell you how miserable he is. Both sad because he's your oldest child and you've sent him out and this isn't how you wanted it to go and upsetting because of all the work that you put into arranging it. That being said, I remember when we went to seminary, we were told that we probably wouldn't feel completely at home until Chanukah time and that we should stick it out at least until then. I think that it definitely held true for many of us. Of course by the time we adjusted and felt that everything was perfect it was nearly time to pack up and go back home Smile

The beginnings (yes, this is still the beginning) can be tough and a lot to adjust to but many times it does get better. Maybe just listen, be supportive, send a few small packages now and then as a reminder and to show your love, care, concern and support, but have him stick it out a little longer.