would you tell her you are Jewish?

amother

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 3:57 pm

I go a hairdresser every 8 weeks or so, she is a non Jewish lady in a non Jewish (like secular/ordinary), hair salon. she is a really sweet girl, maybe in her late 20's, and she kind of knows me now. she is very friendly like all hairdressers lol and always asks me like "so did you go out friday night?", "what are you doing for halloween?" etc. She does not know I am Jewish, or that I do not "go out" on the weekend, or celebrate halloween lol!! but in order to make the conversation easier I say things like "oh not much" or "I saw my friends" and stuff. but she sometimes will ask me further questions and talk also about what she did. anyway I am next seeing her P.G. like the week before x-mas, and I know she's definitely going to ask me "so what are you doing for x-mas??". should I tell her I am Jewish and do not celebrate or should I just act like I do and make a white lie? if I say to her "I do not celebrate it" she will ask "why, how come"??

Britmummy

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 4:01 pm

Well, I would probably say something like "Well, I'm actually Jewish so I'll be celebrating Chanukah. What about you? What do you have planned for Xmas?". That way, she probably won't ask too many more questions you can't answer, without making her uncomfortable, as you're still taking an interest in the subject of conversation she started!

amother

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 4:02 pm

in all honesty, I would not say to her that you are Jewish. it's not really that there is anything to hide, most likely she is not anti semitic at all, but just what for? once you say that, she will ask you more and more questions, who knows what, or how annoying that may be. I do not go around telling people I am Jewish unless I must for some reason, or I am talking with another Jewish person who does not know I am Jewish. what's the point? obviously, you would not be lying and saying you are NOT Jewish, but just be like "I will just be at home with my family", or something, which will most likely anyway be true. then ask her a question and change the subject.

Capitalchick

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 4:02 pm

I don't see what the big deal is. You just say "Actually, I'm Jewish, so we'll be celebrating Chanukah around the same time". Normally I find non-Jewish people feel very embarrassed and sorry for having made the mistake, so they'll usually just start apologizing profusely. I always say "Oh, don't worry about it. Don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong!"

There's no reason to be shy about it and no reason to make her feel bad about it.

I always try and be extra super nice when people don't know I"m Jewish, that way they have a positive opinion of Jews when they find out I'm Jewish.

oh...and I try to be extra super nice to people who know I'm jewish too! LOL

Capitalchick

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 4:05 pm

amother wrote:

I disagree with this. Willfully deceiving her into continuously thinking you're x-tian, is the same as lying flat out and telling her you are. Up until now she hasn't asked you anything flat out that would make you have to tell her you're Jewish. But if she's asking you how you'll be celebrating x-mas and you don't tell her you're Jewish, then you're leading her to believe that you do celebrate x-mas.

We don't live in a time, BH, when we have to fear telling our hairdresser that we're Jewish. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from telling her you're Jewish. What a kiddush Hashem it will be when she finds out that her very kind and lovely client (who will also tip her very nicely, right?) is Jewish.

Mirabelle

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 4:25 pm

I actually think it depends what part of the country you live in (if you live in the US). I say this having lived in some VERY OOT communities.

I've lived in places where it was just easier not to say anything, but when I lived in NY/NJ/DC I told them that I was Jewish...

Raisin

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 4:28 pm

Wow, I live in a extremely non Jewish country. I am one of very few Jews. This time of year every time I go shopping someone asks my kids what santa is bringing them. I politely explain each time we are Jewish, and get only positive reactions. It's never occured to me to say otherwise.

mummiedearest

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 4:32 pm

there's a guy in this neighborhood who likes to say hi to everyone. I don't know his name, I don't have conversations with him, but I do wish him a nice day when I see him. around holiday season, he starts wishing me a merry x-mas. I wish him a happy chanuka back. he doesn't mind.

you can really just respond that you don't celebrate x-mas. I can't imagine this will be offensive in any way. if you're not in an area that is big on proselytizing, I can't imagine admitting to being jewish would be a bad move. if you do live in such an area, it may be advisable to give non-detailed responses.

MrsDash

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 6:04 pm

Nothing you wrote indicates that you "lied" to her. If you tell her that you're Jewish, she isn't going to think you were telling lies this whole time. Plenty of Jewish people celebrate secular holidays, and go out on friday nights. Many people will not differentiate between a religious Jew, and a non-religious Jew. If she brings up the holidays simply respond in the way you usually would. It's your choice to tell her or not.

Chana Miriam S

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 6:58 pm

one time, I was with my 4 year old boy, who is now 15.5, and we were in a store. it was while we were living in boston, maybe in bedford or something like that. so someone asks him if he is excited for x-mas. he looked at her and said. 'we are excited for our friends who celebrate x-mas!' he floored me, not just because of his age, but this kid is also on the autism spectrum. it was without a doubt, the very best possible answer ever to that question.

for whatever reason, some people feel awful when you say that you don't celebrate and this was just the best possible thing to say= she smiled and thought about what a sweet altruistic kid he was, and I was just stunned that he had the insight to come up with an answer like that!

I don't correct everyone who wishes me a merry c hristmas, mainly because I don't particularly care. if someone asks me outright, ii would tell them, no problem. sometimes I might even offer the info.

imasinger

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 8:00 pm

I'm sure she's just making conversation. I highly doubt she is going to do anything to offend a regular customer, including take offense at anything you choose to say or not say.

Personally, I'm more comfortable just saying that I'm Jewish, though it's pretty obvious since not many people outside of certain areas cover their hair or have children wearing kippas.

I'm proud of who I am and what it means to be a Jew. Why on earth wouldn't I want to let anyone know?

eatingbagels

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 8:18 pm

chanamiriam wrote:

I LOVE it!!! Salut

to your ds. The things we can learn from children.... !!

shanie5

Wed, Nov 30 2011, 10:49 pm

I live in a VERY catholic city. And when people asked my kids what they were dressing up as for halloween, I would answer "we are jewish, we don't do halloween.

As for the upcoming holiday, I would definitely say I am preparing for chanukah. I am regularly asked questions about jewish 'stuff'. People are almost always interested in learning new things.

willow

Thu, Dec 01 2011, 6:03 am

Britmummy wrote:

well said!! If you keep talking she won't take offense at all.

Britmummy

Thu, Dec 01 2011, 7:35 am

willow wrote:

Britmummy wrote:

well said!! If you keep talking she won't take offense at all.

Yes! If you just said "I'm Jewish and don't celebrate Xmas!", there would be an embarrassing silence and she probably wouldn't know what to say after that. The important thing is not to embarass her and to keep the conversation flowing...