Office Party, treif food, dreidel and a 'rich Jew" comm

Ima2NYM_LTR

Wed, Dec 21 2011, 4:00 pm

Let me start by saying the people I work with are great for the most part. The people I am about mention are among the 'great people' category.

1) One co-worker is Jewish, and identifies as Jewish but is very assimilated- proud reform Id say (although she belongs to my shul...). It was hard to watch her today at the party a)eating treif wings b) with treif pizza and c) watching the treif wings fall on top of the treif pizza as I am chatting with her (and eating my brown bag lunch). Of course I didnt say anything. I cant and shouldn't. It was just hard and this is a bit of vent.

2) I taught a couple of co workers how to play dreidel using marbles. Well, one of the co-workers creamed me and the other co-worker. He jokingly asked to get paid, so later we jokingly took him some 'Chanukah money' we printed up. He said he would have to show his brother, since his brother likes to call him "Goldstein". Well at this point I innocently say "oh, and why is that?"

"umm, umm"

So the other co-workers and I are standing around laughing at his faux pas, but Im feeling a bit shocked. I know he didnt mean anything bad by it, but it was still surprising. So the other co-workers join in laughing at him for putting his foot in his mouth, etc. He tries to defend himself by saying that its true about "those Jews in the City that all dress the same", his friend has a brokerage firm and he has 2 Chassidim working for him (out of hundreds) and no company can get anywhere on wall street without a few of "those Jews, right? they are all close to each other"

All the sudden I find myself trying to explain the different groups of Chassidim and how they may or may not interact, the history of the Jews in the middle ages that led to the stereotype about Jews and money, and the fact that, just like in all groups, some people are rich and good with money, others are not (and how to pronounce words with a 'chet')

Again, he is a good guy, just obviously a bit misinformed. It was a bit awkward. I laughed it off, because I didnt want to make it into a big deal and keep it open, but its obvious that misconceptions that I rarely have to address head on are still around.

So do I just ignore this? Do I try to educate when theres not a crowd around? What do I do?

crl

Wed, Dec 21 2011, 4:51 pm

My situation is not the same, but I understand. My company is Jewish-owned, but my department is completely non-Jewish, save for the art director, who's kind of a "Jew of convenience". She considers herself Orthodox but drives on Shabbos, doesn't hold complete kosher, etc. Once, when I was explaining my shaitel to my extremely non-Jewish coworker (I didn't mean to bring it up, but she noticed me pulling bobbypins from the top of my head and was really confused so I explained, haha) and I said that Orthodox women covered their hair after marriage. That coworker then asked "So how come X doesn't cover her hair?" and the art director got really defensive. It was all kinds of awkward, so I explained that there are different levels of observance, and made up some generic, everyone is happy answer but I was still uncomfortable.

Also, a lot of times I'm asked about certain "Jewish" myths, like does kosher mean that the food is blessed by a rabbi, and stuff like that. Also, because the company is Jewish owned, all of the Jews leave around 2-3 hours before candle lighting on Fridays, but the non-Jews have to stay, and they get really upset by this. I try very hard to be subtle about it, or when asked, I make a joke like "Oh, I turn into a pumpkin at sunset." And I do hear them grumbling about those "Jews" and it hurts but I can't really say anything without risking sounding like one of "those Jews."

I've found that as long as you're consistent in your observance, even if people are ignorant, it doesn't mean a lack of respect. If it were me, I'd make a joke like "I WISH all Jews were rich - it would definitely help with the bills!" or something lame like that so you are acknowledging the stereotype and dismissing it at the same time.

I don't think it's worth it to actively correct someone, unless they are looking for information. Whenever someone asks me why I can't eat a particular food even though the ingredients are technically all kosher, I can't help but NOT give a whole shpeil, but no one (except Jews Wink

) like lengthy explanations. If you happen to get into a discussion it's one thing, but I don't think it's worth going out of your way.

And if you ever need chizzuk during the day, I complain about my work situation all the time so feel free to PM me when you just want to rant. Smile

Yocheved84

Wed, Dec 21 2011, 6:08 pm

The guy realized he put his foot in his mouth--I would just leave it at that. He was publicly humiliated (it sounds like), so the shame should be enough. It reminds me of the time I had a student say something about all Jews looking a certain way (he only knew from Black Hat men). And I turned around and said "Oh really? B/c I"m Jewish." With that, the class started laughing at him--very similar to how the coworkers got uncomfortable in your situation. The humiliation was enough. This guy is an adult--he knows better. You can't educate the world, but you can certainly make him feel like a fool for a minute, which you did.

Now, going forward, will you be your friendly self to him? That's the question. Me, personally, I would be cool as ice to him. But I know that might not be the most effective thing to do....