LIVID- bullying re: financial status

Ima2NYM_LTR

Tue, Jan 10 2012, 6:36 pm

There are triplets at my sons school a few years older, and he has had an advasarial relationship with them since he was in kindergarten. he wants to be part of their crowd but isnt mature enough, and they are, to be honest, bullies.

Over the years we have tried to work with the parents on it, but their parenting skills are- lacking. (fake potch a kid in public for pulling down DS's pants, then give him hugs and kisses)

2 of the boys and DS are starting to come to more of an understanding, but he still has problems with one, who has come up with these gems lately.

"Your family doesn't pay to send you to school" (true, we are on scholarship, but most people in the school are on partial scholarship. We are on more, because DH is underemployed right now)

"You don't pay for your house. The bank lets you live there for free" (so not true!)

constant taunts about being 'poor' (yes, we are poorer than them, but then again, they have a house with an indoor pool)

I spoke to the Dad who spoke to his son (I have little hope of it helping) and then turned around and said my DS was burping in his sons food. Ok, hes right, its not acceptable, but please dont try to equate the 2!!!!!!!!!!

Now I am having to tell my 7 year old that yes, he is on scholarship and no, we are not losing the house, and yes we are poorer than them but thats not what matters.

I have no idea where the kid is getting his info. Dad pleads ignorance, but he has to get it from somewhere.

I am also emailing the teachers.

What would you do?

September June

Tue, Jan 10 2012, 6:39 pm

Ugh, I hate bullies.
Most important: Speak to ds's teachers and the school principal (if possible). If the teacher is aware of the bullying, she can prevent it from happening again.

Next: It may be beneficial to introduce an anti-bullying program to the school. Each child should be aware of the victim, bully and bystander.
Victim- child being bullied
Bully
Bystander- kids nearby who passively support the bully by not saying anything or stepping in.
The children should be taught that if they are a bystander they should step in or tell an adult. (ex. Bully tells ds "you go to school for free." Bystander "so does most of the school." If the bully sees he has no support, he will stop.)

I know a few schools that have implemented such a program and it has been successful.

Raizle

Tue, Jan 10 2012, 6:58 pm

Quote:

I have no idea where the kid is getting his info. Dad pleads ignorance, but he has to get it from somewhere.

Dad can plead ignorance all he likes but the kids have to be getting their info from somewhere and the most obvious place is home.

Next step is to find out how does DAD know!!!!

I'd be going to the powers that may be and questioning them as to how your private information leaked out.
It's unacceptable.

As to the bullying, in addition to whatever you are doing you need to build up your son's confidence some how.
I know it sounds easier then it is but it's the most important step

Quote:

Now I am having to tell my 7 year old that yes, he is on scholarship and no, we are not losing the house, and yes we are poorer than them but thats not what matters.

No, don't say you are poorer then them, just say they are richer then you. So what? doesn't make you poor.
Being poor is a state of mind to some extent and you want to instill in your child that he is not poor because of all the blessings in his life.

morah

Tue, Jan 10 2012, 7:07 pm

I would forget the parents and ask the school to deal with it. You're right, those kinds of comments are coming from somewhere- and it's not other kids. Kids can come up with taunts about not having this toy or not dressing in 'cool' clothes, but they are not old enough to come up with witty remarks about mortgages...

I was once teased by a kid about my divorced parents. Once again, not a topic children typically know enough about to remark on. My parents figured going to his parents wouldn't be much help, so they went directly to the school.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Jan 10 2012, 7:17 pm

Does he have to want approval from older kids, who as you say, are on a different maturity level because of being older? That's a set-up to fail, right there. It was a bad idea from the beginning. Are you sure you know what DS's reason for needing their company was? Does he need pumping from the other side, the side of who he chooses to think about?

I would give a party with homemade baked goods for the kids his age. Even a few in a row, until these older kids fade into memory and DS has a few staunch allies of his own. They might all be smaller than these triplets, but there could be a lot of them. DS needs a posse of his own.

Your family's personal business is not to be discussed with DS. If you insist it is private, he will also insist it is private. He should say to the kid, even I don't know about that, so you sure don't. Even I can't talk about that, so you sure can't. Pop.

I would rather have him misbehave worse than better. I would rather have him do anything except being reduced to merely burping on people's food. He needs a posse and also to mind his own business about his parents' finances. Then he will understand other people should, too. Even if they never will.

Could you be too nice?

Orchid

Tue, Jan 10 2012, 9:13 pm

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

Now I am having to tell my 7 year old that yes, he is on scholarship and no, we are not losing the house, and yes we are poorer than them but thats not what matters.

I don't see why you are forcing yourself to explain any financial details to your 7 year old son. When he gets these disgusting comments and asks you about them can you say something general like, "honey, those kids are wrong and I'm sorry they're saying mean, untrue things about you and our family." Don't see why you have to say WHY they're wrong, ie, we are in fact paying a mortgage. No-one's business, not even your own kid. If they persist in knowing how exactly it's not true I would still give a vague answer "money issues are not for children." Lots of times my kids want reasons for everything under the sun, but gosh knows I don't feel compelled to answer them. Show him you're listening and you feel bad, and yes, I agree, take it up with the school. This is good old fashioned bullying and must be stopped.