Raphael/Chaim for a refuah for someone else?

amother

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 9:42 am

Recently DH and I found out that a close relative of his, to whom we are really close, is unfortunately ill with cancer. Her prognosis is good at this point, but the news is devastating to us. I am due very soon with a boy and DH had the idea to name the baby Raphael or Chaim as either a first or second name, in the merit of a refuah shleimah for her.

I am not sure if it is appropriate to do this because I don't want the baby to be named after someone else's bad situation. I want to do whatever I can to make DH feel better, and doing this may make him feel like he's making a difference, but I am not sure if it's an appropriate thing to do. For sure I've never heard of the concept.

I asked our rav and he didn't really know the answer either. He said that any simcha like a bris brings mazel to the whole family but that he'd ask his rav and get back to me. I haven't heard yet and was wondering what imamothers think.

sarahd

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 10:37 am

I don't know the answer to this one, but please do remember that when the baby cries at the bris, it is a tremendous eis ratzon to daven.

May you have only simchos and may the cholah have a refua sheleima.

shluchamom

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 10:47 am

I have never heard of the concept that naming your child will have a zechus for her usually the person themselves if they are in a bad situation will add the name.

But it does say somewhere and I don't have the exact quote now but that when a boy is born the entire family experiences a refuah and as SarahD mentioned the bris is an eis rotzon for her.

I would suggest your husband take on a specific act whether adding a kapitel tehillim in her zechus or giving extra tzedaka daily and doing that as a zechus for her refuah rather than adding a name to your child though the idea sounds very caring of both of you.

amother

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 11:15 am

I was diagnosed with the big C when I was pregnant with our youngest child. When he was born, we asked our Rebbe if we should add a name to the one we had been planning on giving all along, that would be a zechus for me. The Rebbe said not to do it. Now, I don't know what his reasoning was but I just put that out here for you.

IMO, this is a question that should be asked of an odom godol, if it's something your husband really feels he wants to do.

mommyla

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 1:06 pm

Personally, I wouldn't do it. What if, chas v'shalom, your relative's outcome is not good? Then your child would be stuck with that name and knowing why you named him that. But AYLOR!

life'sgreat

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:00 pm

I don't think it's fair to put such a burden onto a child. There are many other actions that one can take as a zechus for a refuah (may he have a refuah shleima). I can understand the feeling of giving such a name and feeling like you're DOING something, but perhaps find different things to do as a zechus. For some reason it reminds me of the book My Sister's Keeper (I didn't read the book, but read the description).

amother

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:03 pm

OP here. Thank you all so much for your sensitive, caring responses.

Like I said, I did ask our rav, whose opinion we truly respect, and I am just waiting for him to get back to me. I am pretty uncomfortable with the idea and mommyla's reasoning really hits home with me. Amother thank you for sharing your story and sarahd thank you for the bracha. Shluchamom, our rav did say that when a boy is born, it brings mazel and a refuah to the family. I also am not sure of the source.

I wasn't planning on going to the bris (they are too hard for me and someone just brings me the baby after), but I will try so I can make use of the eis ratzon. DH and I have taken on a big tzedaka project in her zchus and we are saying tehillim. I will iy"H be making challah right before she has the surgery, if I haven't given birth yet.

May we all only share simchas.