Which things will you do or not do on the bus?

33055

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 2:45 pm

Seraph wrote:

So what it comes down to is- if it looks like you planned to eat in public, that's looks weird (if you didnt know more details), but picking up something to eat on the run because you didn't come prepared, or looking like that, is normal?

Ok, so its weird looking. But is it rude/ill mannered enough that better I and my kids go hungry for hours (because food restrictions means I can't just pick up a sandwich from a kiosk) than eat from a container?

The way the original question was posed was just a forty minute bus ride not a whole day outing with the forty minute bus ride being one leg of the journey.

Two different situations. No one wants children being hungry for hours.

33055

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 2:52 pm

chanchy123 wrote:

Squishy wrote:

chanchy123 wrote:

RachelEve14 wrote:

I think you should be able to feed your kids lunch before the bus comes. Unless you decide at the last minute, they are old enough to be fed a bit before. I would give my kids something like pita and chummos if I had to (no crumbs), but it wouldn't be a first choice by far. I would not give them rice or anything they could spill / make a mess of on the bus.

Feeding the baby I would not wake her up just to feed, I see no issue with nursing discretely on the bus.

If you disturbed another's davaning I don't really think it's your issue, it's not a shul, it's a bus. If she couldn't get up / get out early enough / whatever to davan before she got on the bus it's not your issue.

Also there is a big difference between a 40 minute bus ride and a 2 hour one. Unless you suddenly needed to catch a bus for some type of emergency there is no reason not to have yourself / your older kids fed before going out. They can wait the hour it takes to wait for the bus and get off it.

I always bring my kids a small snack when we take the bus, to help them sit quietly without bothering the other passengers. I would give them anything out of a container, but a fruit, or some cookies for sure.
We don't travel by bus that often, but I think keeping them from shouting, kicking and crying is more important than keeping the bus clean. There is nothing worse than traveling on a bus (plane whatever) with kids who are being rude and loud without the parents even trying to deal with the situation.

But why aren't you responsible for keeping the bus clean from the mess your kids make? There should be respect for the next passenger. I don't let my kids leave a mess anywhere. It is not a choice of a public mess or well behaved kids. Do your kids eat the entire 40 minutes?

I didn't mean I'd let them make a mess on the bus, it's just that keeping the bus clean is not an excuse for loud and rude children. My bus ride is about an hour and whenever any of my kids gets into a moving vehicle the first thing they say is that they are hungry and thirsty.

I always make sure my kids don't litter and make a mess and I would either make them clean up or do it myself.

I am glad that we are on the same page as far as mess.

I am curious. Do you think your kids are conditioned to eat and drink on a bus and mine are conditioned to know they can't eat in a moving vehicle?

Seraph

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 3:06 pm

freidasima wrote:

Inspired as Table implied I was NOT referring to you. I was referring gently to Seraph but now because of your misunderstanding I have to say it less gently as I don't want you to think I was talking about you.

The minute she wrote that her husband was not happy with her behavior and embarrased by it, it puts a different light on the problem of "flouting social convention". If one's whole family is on board with it, so be it and in your case I assume that's the issue. But in her case when she writes that he is unhappy about what she does and she also writes that she isn't organized and doesn't get to feed her children before taking the bus and just runs for it at the last moment or whatever she wrote...well that opens a whole different scenario of issues that have little to do with what you wrote.

FTR, usually my husband is NOT with me when I'm out and isnt getting embarassed. I just know what his opinion is, and I respect his feelings, but I'm at a loss what to do about it...
Gluten free baked goods like muffins are an idea, but they're usually much more crumbly and make much more of a mess than eating certain foods from a container. A peeled orange gets hands all sticky. Rice cakes break up everywhere. Hard boiled eggs...OMG don't get me started on the mess that yolks make.
Where do I take my kids to use the bathroom when out? Usually in the doctor's office on haturim, and its not acceptible to eat in the docs office, you said.
Where do I nurse the baby? Usually on a bench on the city street or on the bus. Again places that are public that some here think aren't proper to eat at.
For the record, I don't have an inyan to flout rules. If I did, I wouldnt have started this thread. I started this thread to see if my husbands thoughts on the matter were how most people feel, and what to do instead regarding feeding myself and my kids when out.

Seraph

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 3:16 pm

Freidasima, I don't leave my kids home to run errands. I don't send them to a metapelet so that I dont have to worry about them eating in public, and I'm not about to start, so that doesn't solve my issue.

My husband came up with a suggestion that I'll try to do- pancakes. But I can do that many times but not always. Usually if I don't have much time, its a lot easier to just bring a container of leftovers.

As for where to sit and eat, Barbara, there is usually one place along my route that has a food area- the central bus station, but I usually only arrive there at the end of the day. (For those curious, my route in town usually is- train from sderot eshkol to town, walking back from town past the shuk to the central bus station. Or tzomet bar ilan to geula and back to the bridge by tnuva. Don't know many places indoors I can just come and eat. Most places are just small stores/kiosks, or restaurants where you can't eat your own food.

freidasima

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 3:33 pm

Seraph, I worked full time so I had a metapelet in any case, I didn't take a metapelet for my errands (lol!) and did my errands for myself before or after work before taking the kids. But when I had kid errands and took them with me, I organized things so that they wouldn't be eating all day outside and also only took the child I needed for the errand and left the others with a babysitter. It was worth the money to not have the nerves to schlep a whole passel around with me and I usually got things done in half the time with a quarter of the nerves. Sometimes it pays to invest in a sitter for ones own well being and for one's children's well being so that they don't spend a whole day getting shlepped from here to there to here to there just because one doesn't have whom to leave them with. If it is once a month as you say, it may be a worthwhile investment.

HindaRochel

Wed, Feb 08 2012, 9:44 am

Seraph wrote:

Inspired wrote:

Seraph wrote:

Ok, so its weird looking. But is it rude/ill mannered enough that better I and my kids go hungry for hours (because food restrictions means I can't just pick up a sandwich from a kiosk) than eat from a container?

Absolutely not. I really don't think you should care that much.

So my husband does care and would rather I don't, and I wanted to see if the vast majority of the world, or at least the vast majority of the responders to this thread, feel similarly...

Why does your husband care if you feed the children on the bus, whether or not he is with you? What is his issue? I think you should approach it from that angle.

Of all the things you named only the changing of the diaper would be a problem for me and that is because I would need to wash up afterwards, a diaper wipe would not make me feel comfortable, especially if I were to feed my kids food afterward.

Perhaps if you could get your husband to state the actual problem "WHY" and not just the problem "WHAT" it will be conducive to your situation.

Seraph

Wed, Feb 08 2012, 12:18 pm

FTR, this isnt a shalom bayis issue. He isnt telling me what I can and can't do even when he's not around. Rather, he has more of an awareness of cultural norms/proper etiquette, so when he says something like this, I feel it merits looking into more.
He says its not proper manners, and it seems most people here agree.
So I am asking what youd feed your kids in my place, and how, so that it doesnt make a mess and is gluten free and not a fortune?

freidasima

Wed, Feb 08 2012, 12:52 pm

1) cut up fruit and veg sticks.

2) homemade buckwheat cake (you can buy buckwheat flour at health food stores) slices spread with white cheese (looks like a sandwitch). If they are off dairy then spread with homemade date spread.

3) brown rice pancakes spread with homemade date spread.

4) If they eat dairy then a plain leben. One shakes it up well while closed so it gets watery. Push a straw through the top like one does with a tropit and have them suck out the liquid like a shake. It's closed and makes no mess that way.

5) dried fruit.

HindaRochel

Thu, Feb 09 2012, 2:54 pm

Here's something I thought of:
On toothpicks, skewer small bite size piece of cheese and fruit.
OR small pieces of chicken and lettuce.

Chicken jerky
Slices of fruit and veggies.
Cheese chunks.

Bottled yogurt. You could make your own and put it into small yogurt containers with the plastic lid covering. I'd put those into another container in case of spills. Or buy a few drink up as a treat (hey, you can give me the drinks and I'll give you the bottle Smile

) Then you could add your own flavors. I like persimmon with gila for instance. If you have a milchig blender whirr and add to the bottle.

Brown rice crackers.

Celery sticks with peanut butter and raisins on top. They are easy to eat by hand, the peanut butter sicks. Or use something else spreadable that you'll eat.

I know you are reluctant to get nuts/seeds because of the expense, but if you are talking about once a month, then it might be a good investment. You don't need a lot of nuts/seeds, and they are packed with nutrition. You can make your own cheap trail mix.

Tablepoetry

Thu, Feb 09 2012, 3:08 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

Here's something I thought of:
On toothpicks, skewer small bite size piece of cheese and fruit.
OR small pieces of chicken and lettuce.

I wouldn't go the toothpick route. It sounds dangerous for a bus. Kids and toothpicks just don't go together, certainly not on moving vehicles.

I think bananas are great - they are quite filling and easy to eat. Apples are less filling but also good. But of course these are snack foods, not the main meal. I would stop off somewhere - like a bench outside - and feed the kids anything I please, including out of a container. I just think it's super strange/slightly uncouth for an ADULT to eat on a sidewalk bench out of a container. But a kid? I think no one would look twice, if anything I'd think kol hakavod that you bothered to bring them something rather than buy them a hot dog on the corner.

BTW, are the kids not allowed gluten, or is it just you?

Seraph

Thu, Feb 09 2012, 5:16 pm

Tablepoetry wrote:

HindaRochel wrote:

Here's something I thought of:
On toothpicks, skewer small bite size piece of cheese and fruit.
OR small pieces of chicken and lettuce.

I wouldn't go the toothpick route. It sounds dangerous for a bus. Kids and toothpicks just don't go together, certainly not on moving vehicles.

And why would toothpicks be any better than a fork?

Quote:

I think bananas are great - they are quite filling and easy to eat. Apples are less filling but also good. But of course these are snack foods, not the main meal. I would stop off somewhere - like a bench outside - and feed the kids anything I please, including out of a container. I just think it's super strange/slightly uncouth for an ADULT to eat on a sidewalk bench out of a container. But a kid? I think no one would look twice, if anything I'd think kol hakavod that you bothered to bring them something rather than buy them a hot dog on the corner.

So it wouldnt be strange for me to feed my kids real food from a container, but it would be strange/uncouth for me to eat? So should I go 6-8 hours without eating?

Quote:

BTW, are the kids not allowed gluten, or is it just you?

I absolutely can't have gluten, but I think its better for them not to have but I have no conclusive proof, so I just try to not feed it to them.

HindaRochel

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 12:47 am

Quote:

[quote="Seraph"]

Tablepoetry wrote:

HindaRochel wrote:

Here's something I thought of:
On toothpicks, skewer small bite size piece of cheese and fruit.
OR small pieces of chicken and lettuce.

I wouldn't go the toothpick route. It sounds dangerous for a bus. Kids and toothpicks just don't go together, certainly not on moving vehicles.

And why would toothpicks be any better than a fork?

Because they are finger food, not plate food.

Quote:

So it wouldnt be strange for me to feed my kids real food from a container, but it would be strange/uncouth for me to eat? So should I go 6-8 hours without eating?

Well I think you should eat. I also think you are over worrying about this. I would think it stranger to see someone sitting on stairs eating, then sitting out on a bench or eating in the bus.

Just do as you will, taking in the feelings of other people and you'll do fine.

Tablepoetry

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 7:06 am

Seraph wrote:

So it wouldnt be strange for me to feed my kids real food from a container, but it would be strange/uncouth for me to eat? So should I go 6-8 hours without eating?

We let kids do lots of things in public that adults don't do. This includes eating from a container, IMO.

I don't think you should starve yourself. I'm just saying how things look in the public eye. You do what you have to do. As others have said, it does seem strange to see an adult woman eating out of a container, with cutlery, in public. (Kids get a pass on this, as with other areas). But an adult? People would wonder, doesn't she have a home?

You can compare it to this - say you were really tired. It would be OK if you snoozed for a few minutes on the bus. It would NOT be ok if you snoozed on a bus bench, or if you took out a pillow and blanket for your one-hr bus ride. Some things are just social faux pas. You can say, what, am I supposed to be tired all day? Or am I supposed to snooze on the air conditioned bus without a blanket? But some things are not done by adults in public. If you are tired and cold on the bus, you cover yourself with your jacket, not with your down blanket from home. Same if you are hungry - it's socially ok to snack on an apple or buy a danish at the kiosk, it's not socially ok to bring platters/containers and cutlery from home.

Now, not everyone knows your life history. If there is no other solution, you do what you have to do. But personally, I'd make an effort to organize or buy food that wouldn't make me feel awkward.

HindaRochel

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 7:43 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

Seraph wrote:

And why would toothpicks be any better than a fork?

I don't think toothpicks are better than a fork. They are worse. Toothpicks are really quite dangerous.
As for a fork, I wouldn't feed a kid from one on a moving bus either, I'd use a spoon.

Maybe, but they are small and pretty flimsy, I think small wooden toothpicks with a bit of food would be less dangerous then a metal fork. But I probably would just cut up pieces of food in chunks and give them to the kids.

Inspired

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 8:41 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

Seraph wrote:

So it wouldnt be strange for me to feed my kids real food from a container, but it would be strange/uncouth for me to eat? So should I go 6-8 hours without eating?

Most adults, IME are intelligent enough to realize that she is probably traveling a long way or is going somewhere where she cannot eat when she gets there and couldn't eat before she got on the bus. I refuse to believe that most mature adult people are as idiotic and narrow minded as you are making them out to be.