We ate Shabbos lunch w/o our sleepy-head guests! WWUD?

binah918

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 6:07 am

We agreed to host 2 seminary girls (who we didn't know) for Shabbos. They were shy, didn't have the best social skills, and didn't really know how to make conversation. (I.e. We were asking all the questions and they never once asked about us.)

Shabbos day DH got home from shul and around 11:30, when we usually eat and when we're hungry!, but the girls were still sleeping. I knocked on their door twice aroubd 12 and peeked in their room and they were fast asleep. DH and I were really hungry and decided to eat by ourselves.

Finally, around 2 they woke up and were ready to eat. I brought out everything for them to make kiddush/hamotzie, etc. by themselves. I put out food, but not as nicely as before since all the nice dishes, etc. were already used by me and DH (when we had expected them to join us for lunch).

As they were so shy, and conversation was so slow the night before, DH and I sat on the couch reading while they sat at the table and ate. I thought to just sit with them and try to make conversation, but they seemed so shy and I didn't think they'd appreciate the hostess sitting and just watching them eat. Instead, we just made a few comments back and forth from the couch to the table.

After lunch, (which lasted about 10 minutes b/c they just wanted salad), they went back to their room to sleep/read for the next 2-3 hrs.

Anyway, it was a really stange Shabbos. We're used to more lively, sociable guests. What would you have done about lunch? Eat alone? Wait for them to eat, even if you have no idea when they were waking up? Just curious to hear your thoughts...

chocolate moose

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 6:17 am

Did the seminary make the arrangements for them to come? We used to host high school boys and I would tell school what time Kiddush would be Shabbos day. That way, if the boys were late sleepers or whatever, they would send me other boys.

Friday night, didn't you tell them what time shul was? Or ask them what time they wanted breakfast?

If there is to be a next time, you need better communication.

binah918

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 6:45 am

No the sem did not make the arrangements...another organization that sets up "on-the-fringe" boys/girls with places to stay called us up. Shabbos night before they went to sleep I showed them where all the breaskfast stuff was, I put out bowls, mugs, etc. I said in case they should wake up before me they could just take for themselves. I didn't say anything about when we make kiddush, although I'll know for next time that it can save us from an uncomfortable situation!

Piper

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 12:22 pm

Are these girls teens? I've read that teens function by a different biological clock where they go to bed late and get up late, if allowed. My son, who used to be an early to bed, early to rise kind of kid, will now go to sleep after midnight and be up around noon if left to his own devices.

mama247

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 12:36 pm

I think you totally did the right thing. If you were to have them or others from the same organization again, I would mention what time you eat. Not that it would probably matter. Teenagers (which includes seminary age) just like to sleep a lot, especially at-risk one's who don't really care about stuff like a meaningful Shabbos. I used to sleep all Shabbos when I was in high school. My parents would wake me for lunch (three or four times). Sometimes, I would roll out of bed, eat lunch and roll right back into bed. Other times they would just eat without me. Fortunately, by seminary, while I still slept as much as possible, I had moved on and was a bit more polite and cared what people thought of me.

Ruchel

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 1:05 pm

Piper wrote:

My son, who used to be an early to bed, early to rise kind of kid, will now go to sleep after midnight and be up around noon if left to his own devices.

Just like me LOL

Mama247, I also went back to bed after lunch sometimes.
I still can go to bed at 4 am or later, and get up around 4 pm... embarrassed

In the beginning of our marriage dh and I would play video games even later than that and then sleep all day, with dh waking up for the prayers and going back to bed LOL

Motek

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 3:07 pm

binah918 wrote:

They were shy, didn't have the best social skills, and didn't really know how to make conversation. (I.e. We were asking all the questions and they never once asked about us.)

You think it's polite for teenagers to ask you, the married adult hosts about yourselves? shock

Quote:

Shabbos day DH got home from shul and around 11:30, when we usually eat and when we're hungry!, but the girls were still sleeping.

You did okay but another option, maybe one I would have chosen, would have been to knock on their door at 10:45 or so woken them up and told them that kiddush is in 45 minutes, please get ready.

mumsy23

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 3:54 pm

You did the right thing.

I had this situation once with friends of mine who are single (and still act like teenagers). They came a minute before shabbos, ate dinner and went to bed. The next day I woke up for shul and knocked on their door but they didn't want to come (fine.). Then dh and I came home and wanted to sit down for lunch but they were still asleep. I knocked on the door and told htem we are ready for kiddush so they started to get up but it took them an HOUR to get out of bed! They ate lunch and went back to sleep and slept the whole shabbos.

Now these are girls who I used to concider my best friends! I felt so used after that shabbos I never invited them again...

klotzkashe

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 5:19 pm

I think that it's a definite sign of immaturity on their part. But hey, they're like 17 right?

I believe that a Shabbos guest is there to celebrate Shabbos iwth you - if they wanted to sleep they should have stayed in the dorm and bought htemselves a bagged salad for shabbos meals.

If you come to someone's house you should get up at appropriate times (ok it is shabbos so relax a little but to sleepa fter 12 is crazy!)

I would be embarassed if they were my kids.

And about being shy, - it's the stage, immaturity. Shyness. They think that if they say nothign then they won't appear wierd, or wahtever. I remember for a bit being in that stage. Now I look back and realise what an idiot I looked like when I wouldn't take the risk and actually just talk to pple.

Piper

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 5:29 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Piper wrote:

My son, who used to be an early to bed, early to rise kind of kid, will now go to sleep after midnight and be up around noon if left to his own devices.

Just like me LOL

Mama247, I also went back to bed after lunch sometimes.
I still can go to bed at 4 am or later, and get up around 4 pm... embarrassed

In the beginning of our marriage dh and I would play video games even later than that and then sleep all day, with dh waking up for the prayers and going back to bed LOL

You two married really young, huh? I think that is so cute!

shoy18

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 5:36 pm

Piper wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

Piper wrote:

My son, who used to be an early to bed, early to rise kind of kid, will now go to sleep after midnight and be up around noon if left to his own devices.

Just like me LOL

Mama247, I also went back to bed after lunch sometimes.
I still can go to bed at 4 am or later, and get up around 4 pm... embarrassed

In the beginning of our marriage dh and I would play video games even later than that and then sleep all day, with dh waking up for the prayers and going back to bed LOL

You two married really young, huh? I think that is so cute!

Get it all in Ruchel because IYH those days will be ALL OVER FOREVER!!!!!

amother

Sun, Nov 26 2006, 8:14 pm

Motek:

Quote:

binah918 wrote:
They were shy, didn't have the best social skills, and didn't really know how to make conversation. (I.e. We were asking all the questions and they never once asked about us.)

You think it's polite for teenagers to ask you, the married adult hosts about yourselves? Shocked

Motek, she was trying to ask them questions about themselves and engage them... The sem girls could have engaged and asked her questions such as: where did she grow up? does she like israel? if she made aliyah, that opens a whole door for conversation! what does she do work-wise? where did she go to sem?

There is plenty of opportunity to engage an older-married hostess-- without asking too "intimate" questions to ask of a married woman!!!!!

binah918

Mon, Nov 27 2006, 12:53 am

Motek, I think you misunderstood. Of course they shouldn't ask prying questions but...

So, where are you from?
Did you make aliyah, or are you just here for a few years?
Why did you make aliyah?
What do you do?
Where do you work?

We've all had REALLY uncomfortable one-way conversations, where the other person gives one word answers to your questions and then doesn't follow up with any questions of their own. Well, that's exactly what it was like...all Shabbos!

For what it's worth, besides all the sleeping and the embarrasing lack of conversation, they were really nice girls!

amother

Mon, Nov 27 2006, 5:16 am

binah918 wrote:

I was very shy as a single girl! I would have been uncomfortable to ask my host a whole bunch of personal questions. I didn't really come out of my shell until after I got married and had my 1st baby! If you'd like to offer info about yourself, maybe you can direct the conversation that way. It's the host responsibility to make sure the guests are comfortable, no matter what their personality. Not everyone is outgoing or a conversation starter!

In addition, when telling them where the breakfast supplies were, you also should have made arrangements for when you eat lunch, especially since you like to eat right away. Next time, make a plan Friday night. Does the guest want to be woken for shul or later for lunch? Would they rather sleep and eat lunch on their own later in the day? Make sure you are specific about your plans!