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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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 Wed, Feb 08 2012, 4:33 pm
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why does it really disturb you that he calls you this? I assume you must be on good terms with him I don't think he would say that if you were a complete stranger
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abbyatoms
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Wed, Feb 08 2012, 7:56 pm
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I am upset by the responses here. My dear is a perfectly normal thing to call anyone at all, especially a rabbi with whom you have a friendly relationship. Ease up a little, everyone else. Not every kind word is a come on.
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amother
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Thu, Feb 09 2012, 12:18 am
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I live in south africa and I have never heard any rabbi call any woman 'my dear'. I would think it is a break in tznius and would be very uncomfortable is this is how my rabbi spoke to me.
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boysrus
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Thu, Feb 09 2012, 12:24 am
As a British born lady, I could imagine a British or S. African Rabbi saying this without thinking. It's quite a natural way to address somebody. I would not take offense or read anything into it, but I would probably be amused! 
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marshmellow
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Thu, Feb 09 2012, 11:19 am
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it's funny , I did not realise he is south african, I thought he was english which was why, english people especially the "old" english types say these kinds of things a lot
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cm
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Thu, Feb 09 2012, 12:08 pm
Once, while discussing the difficulty we had remembering names/faces, an older middle-aged colleague mentioned that one of the benefits of growing older was that she could call everyone "dear!"
It's definitely generational and cultural - in some places "dear" is something older people call younger people, and it isn't weird at all. In some communities, age isn't a factor - saying "dear" is just like saying "hey you." "Dear" is still the customary salutation in most situations for letter-writing, if anyone does that anymore. It does not refer to a heartfelt outpouring of emotion.
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sunflower_seed
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Tue, Feb 14 2012, 6:23 am
In UK the salespeople, hairdressers, cab drivers called me either dear or love or madam.
I preferred madam though:)
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amother
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Tue, Feb 14 2012, 9:13 am
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it's a term of endearment, a bit like darling/sweetheart/love.
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Mrs Bissli
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Tue, Feb 14 2012, 8:40 pm
| amother wrote: | | it's a term of endearment, a bit like darling/sweetheart/love. |
Not the case here. I have a bunch of colleagues (mostly middle aged men who tend to come from public school upbringing) who would address any female staff my dear. It definitely does NOT convey sense of endearment. More of general salutation to someone you know. I would definitely be offended, and they would dare even consider addressing me darling or sweetheart, which is more patronising.
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amother
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Wed, Feb 15 2012, 10:14 am
| Mrs Bissli wrote: | | amother wrote: | | it's a term of endearment, a bit like darling/sweetheart/love. |
Not the case here. I have a bunch of colleagues (mostly middle aged men who tend to come from public school upbringing) who would address any female staff my dear. It definitely does NOT convey sense of endearment. More of general salutation to someone you know. I would definitely be offended, and they would dare even consider addressing me darling or sweetheart, which is more patronising. |
why would you be offended then especially if it was a rabbi who didn't mean it in any bad way at all?
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marshmellow
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Wed, Feb 15 2012, 10:18 am
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I think he was sincere just trying to be friendly
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shevi
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Wed, Feb 15 2012, 10:32 am
I cant even imagine my Rov calling me at all. anything.
when I call him him I say :hello im ---------wife. and when he calls me back he says hi its last name.
when I drop off things or when we were by them for Shabbos I dont think he even looks at me- not that I noticed.... he is so Chassidish but very down to earth.
im sure it would of bother me if he would ever say my first name or call me : my dear...
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amother
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Wed, Feb 15 2012, 11:19 am
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obviously it depends what kind of circle we are talking about. obviously to a rabbi who doesn't call a woman by her first name the idea of calling a woman my dear would be gobsmacking, but maybe to another rabbi it's no big deal.
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