explaining "bi'ah" to ds in yeshiva ketana

StrongIma

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 2:07 am

I never understood why they teach kedushin to a teenager but that's the way it is. so ds came home and said that the boys asked the teacher all sorts of questions and he didn't know how to answer. meanwhile they're all confused and don't even understand what could be causing the confusion.

I don't feel that this should go on but I'm not sure how much to answer myself.
(dh is not at all in the picture.)

shalhevet

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 5:47 am

I think you should call up his teacher, and tell him since he knows what material he is going to be teaching, he should consult with someone the best way to explain it all. Sorry, this is unacceptable - the teacher obviously knew what he'd be asked and he should have been prepared.

anonymrs

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 5:51 am

shalhevet wrote:

I agree with you that if the teacher knew what he would be teaching he should definitely know how to answer questions that are sure to arise about the material. However, since OP's ds came to her to ask, she should answer him. Nothing wrong with a high school boy knowing about the birds and the bees.

Isramom8

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 6:01 am

Possibly the rebbe expected the boys to just make the connections in their brains, and not actually ask. but it is his responsibility to clarify if there are questions on what he teaches.

morah

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 7:17 am

Shalhevet had it right. You know it's going to come up in the gemara, you know you're teaching sheltered boys who don't know these things, you have to be prepared to answer questions. As for no DH, is there an uncle or grandfather he can talk to? While you can certainly fill the role if need be, it is better for a boy to have a man to talk to.

morahtikvah

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 11:31 am

The rebbe should have been prepared for the questions but I think the OP should answer them herself because then she knows her son is getting appropriate, open honest answers that are relevent to his specific questions.

happywife613

Thu, Feb 09 2012, 1:41 pm

this a very sensitive issue and greatly depends on the environment the DS is growing in
in the chassidishe circle it should not be explained
this starts a secret spreading from boy to boy without their mentors knowledge and they don't get the necessary support and guidance understand it in a healthy fashion
in this circle if you want to help your son let your husband speak with the mashgiach or teacher they have ways to explain it in a very vague way

thatgirl

Thu, Feb 09 2012, 4:32 pm

I wonder if the teacher started teaching it and realized after getting many questions that it was over their heads? but yes either wayy it sounds very odd he should def have had the correct answers beforehand!

chocolate chips

Thu, Feb 09 2012, 4:53 pm

I also cannot understand it why teenage boys have to learn it...and whats more is if the teacher cannot explain it on their level he shouldn't be teaching it.

I agree with other posters, I would call the teacher and discuss it with him.

shalhevet

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 2:49 am

chocolate chips wrote:

Why shouldn't they learn it? It's Torah. If the maggid shiur would teach them matter of factly, just like anything else, and be prepared to answer questions, it would be okay. I really can't understand how a maggid shiur goes into such a shiur and isn't prepared, and hasn't thought out how much/ what to explain - he can consult with someone with more experience if he doesn't know. To me, that is just the basics of teaching anything.

amother

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 4:25 pm

My son learnt this in Kita Ches. He, also came to me to explain it. B"H he was learning with a tutor, who told him that it means that the husband brings his new wife into their home.

happywife613

Sat, Feb 11 2012, 6:14 pm

amother wrote:

My son learnt this in Kita Ches. He, also came to me to explain it. B"H he was learning with a tutor, who told him that it means that the husband brings his new wife into their home.

thats the most common "explanation"
but not all boys can buy, as it is contradicted on some areas

amother

Sun, Feb 12 2012, 6:15 am

I don't know about boys, but when I was in 7th grade, we learned in Navi about Avshalom.
The teacher said: He took each of his father's wives into a tent and lived with her the way a husband lives with his wife.
We were all Rolling Eyes

although I can understand why she said it that way.
A few months later another teacher was teaching something similar and she translated it as "he slept with her." I think we liked that translation better.

happywife613

Sun, Feb 12 2012, 9:34 am

grin wrote:

you can also say that he lay with her - as most pesukim about marriage are explained.

in the circles that laying together is also part of the hidden married secret (like those who's parents beds are always separated) and the kids assume that kissing and hugging are never done
the term "lay with her" would also be considered inappropriate, as it opens their mind to further imaginations

however strange it may seem, the term "sleep with her" is more accepted, as the kids would natrally interpet this to mean, sleeping in the same room/tent/house

tweek

Sun, Feb 12 2012, 9:44 am

I will never forget in 10th grade when we were learning about the Isha Sotah in Chumash. My teacher kept saying "lived" with. When my friend read the passuk she translated what she read directly and said "lay" and my teacher corrected her!!!! Way to bring attention to something that you were trying to avoid!