Do you visit right before shabbos?

amother

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 8:36 am

Would you show up at someone's house an hour before shabbos "just to say hi". "just to say good shabbos"? If you are in the neighborhood for shabbos isn't it way more appropriate to stop by on shabbos instead of when the family is running around trying to finish everything up?
I usually excuse the bochrim, what do they know? they don't have homes that need cleaning and they aren't cooking. But people with a home, shouldn't they know better? What are they thinking?

MiracleMama

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 8:40 am

I can't imagine being in a position to go visiting anyone an hour before shabbos. I wouldn't say it's a madhouse here, but we are busy right up to licht bentchen.
If I did find the time, I definitely would not go visiting unless invited. That is a very hard time to impose on people.

amother

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 8:46 am

The people who are doing the visiting are not at home busy preparing they are away from home for shabbos.

shalhevet

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 8:55 am

I once had that. A (married, frum) couple from abroad were staying somewhere else and came about an hour before Shabbos to sit and chat.

What can I say? Aaaaaaaaaaaargh.

Yes, I think it is completely inappropriate, bordering on the totally inconsiderate.

amother

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 8:59 am

amother wrote:

The people who are doing the visiting are not at home busy preparing they are away from home for shabbos.

Ok, so THEY are not busy but they still understand what shabbos is and what goes on in preparing for shabbos right?
I mean unless this is a newly married couple who has never made shabbos, and maybe both newly BT with no experience at all of what goes on and what's involved in making shabbos.... I can't see how they would not get that it's rude.

mosma

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 8:59 am

I visit my mother an hour before shabbos (sometimes, if I get my shabbos done on time), but she gets everything done by chatzos and loves it when we come by for a quick good shabbos and some kugel, so I'm guessing that's not what you mean...

amother

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 11:25 am

FIL does that all of the time. He doesnt call in advance, or tell MIL or anything, then he gets home minutes before shabbos, I don't know who I feel worse for, MIL or myself.

I think he has a consideration problem in general. He knows he will get 'attention' by us, he isnt thinking about our needs or convenience. I have 2 little kids and DH gets home about an hour before shabbos. his father comes like 2 hours before shabbos and expects attention for an hour. he always leaves right before DH arrives, I think he knows DH would have a few things to say about him coming, unannounced, at a hectic time.

shows a lack of consideration and an overdose of self centeredness...

Mrs Bissli

Sun, Feb 12 2012, 7:08 pm

Some people may be clueless or grew up in homes where everything is ready by Fri lunchtime. If I receive a visitor that close to shabbat, I would definitely not hesitate to tell them it is not a good time as I still have preparation to do, and ask them instead to come back after candlelighting or on shabbat afternoon. If they're good friends or someone coming early to light the candle and stay for dinner, I won't mind asking them for help, say setting tables or cutting fruits or getting the candles ready.

granolamom

Sun, Feb 12 2012, 10:57 pm

about a year ago, I decided to try to be ready for shabbos before my kids come home from school. BH I am successful most of the time! so erev shabbos here is almost boring. I go to the library to stock up on books, we read. we go for a walk. we hang out.
my kids are young and no longer remember the days of my chaotic rush to get everything done. hopefully, my new way will be their norm.
so it is possible that they will have no idea that erev shabbos is a stressful, busy time for most people. I see that I may have to point that out to them one day so they dont inconvenience anyone.