My dog was my baby until I had a baby - Now what?

yjlz

Tue, Feb 14 2012, 5:55 pm

I have a seven month old B"H and my Chihuahua is not taking to the change so well. She is peeing all over the place and I have to be careful that she doesn't nip the baby when they are too close to each other. On top of that we are planning on moving to a community were having a dog would make us look quite strange.

I am a Baalas Tshuva and am not sure how to deal with the whole moving to a place where dogs are frowned on...

Should I get rid of my dog? Should I feel guilty about thinking about getting rid of her?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Ruchel

Tue, Feb 14 2012, 6:08 pm

If you will be frowned upon and the dog is unhappy and dangerous to the baby, find a good family for it, without children. Take your time and find people the dog will feel good with.

If you want to keep the dog, get advice from a dog trainer. I know of two frum girls who do that. And let people know that there is nothing wrong with a non dangerous dog, halachically, for many rabbis.

mynameismom

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 9:28 am

I have been nipped by Chihuahuas before and would be very nervous having one around my baby. I don't want to minimize your feelings about letting your dog go but the best thing may be to find another family for her. If you are a dog person and would love to have a dog go for it, people would get used to it. Personally I would go for a larger gentler breed.

amother

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 9:59 am

If the dog is showing signs that she doesn't like the baby, then I think it's best to give her away. Sure, it's a tough thing to do, but think how you would feel if, Chas V'shalom, she hurt your baby. That would be a lot worse than giving the dog away. Don't feel guilty...you are doing the right thing for your baby, which is the most important thing. Give the dog to someone without children. The dog will be much happier, too.

If you still want a pet, there are plenty of options that are baby-friendly. We had fish for a while. Our babies loved to just watch them. We also had a small lizard, which was fun. Currently, we have a tortoise. He is very easy to take care of. He eats regular food....apples, lettuce, celery. Not the same as a dog, but good for babies and kids...they have all liked watching them!

bwaybabe85

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 10:07 am

I'd hire a competent dog trainer. That's what a client of mine did when he had a baby and he saw good results.

ellie23

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 11:54 am

I disagree with most of the above comments. as someone who has worked with animals for 5 years I can tell you that giving a dog away at the first sign of trouble is extremely inhumane and cruel to our furry companions. unless you know of someone who is a suitable family for him, he will likely end up in a shelter, living in a cage for weeks or months, miserable surrounded by loud barking and strangers (especially terrifying to chihuahuas). I suggest looking for a trainer to help with your dog and the baby... of course never let them play without being supervised.

as far as moving..does it really make a difference if others dissaproved of your dog? I have had pets all my life and have lived in frum communities where they hated it and I couldnt care less....I got alot of comments my whole life from frum ppl about how im wrong for loving my pets and living with them and that just shows me how ignorant they are. as if pets werent created by Hashem too...your dog has been a good friend to you and it deserves the same respect no matter where you go. only if you try a trainer and it doesnt work out with your child, obviously your baby comes first and you will need to carefully select a home for your dog, but other than that I see no reason why your dog should be given to live in a strange new environment....

Ruchel

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 11:57 am

A dog can bite a baby, even with the best supervision things happen and animals can be jealous for sure. I'm a pet breeder myself and of course she shouldn't abandon the pet in a shelter! A chihuahua will not have troubles finding MANY people wanting to adopt it from you (again, don't send to a shelter, it is often awful) should you have to do this.
Pm me if you want the names of the trainers, they are in USA.

amother

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 11:58 am

We had to give away a loved pet when we had a baby. It was hard but the baby's safety came first. It helped that I was able to give the dog to a friend who I knew would take good care of him and would keep us updated on his well-being.

HindaRochel

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 12:23 pm

I would consider a dog trainer. They can help work through these issues with the animal. It can be very difficult to place an animal that is showing signs of jealousy.

It is important to know that a baby should never be left alone with even a wonderful animal, as they are animals and can hurt a child accidentally.

yjlz

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 6:48 pm

My main concern is that no one would want a 10 year old chi. We don't really have the money for a trainer. We are a BT family and I don't want my family to stick out in a yeshivish community more then we already will.

Thanks for the thoughts ladies!!! So helpful. This site is great!

sequoia

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 7:03 pm

Look, no pet is 100% safe. Dogs bite, cats scratch, turtles carry salmonella. But a pet is a member of your family.

GAMZu

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 7:14 pm

Eh, we live in the heart of BP and have cats. Some people are surprised, others seem to take it in stride, and all the kids on the block love to play with them! Don't try to conform so much that you strip yourselves of what makes you, you.

This doesn't address the baby issue, but I just wanted to tell you to make decisions that are best for you instead of what everyone expects of you! Smile

yjlz

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 8:17 pm

Maybe I am just uninformed but doesn't being different - like having pets effect the schools your children get into etc?

sequoia

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 8:19 pm

I want to add that we have cats and when we moved we made sure they were coming with us. Now that we live in a frum neighborhood we do encounter people who are afraid of them, but no one is hostile. They just say, "They are beautiful cats but I'm afraid of cats." Well, what can you do?

GAMZu

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 8:51 pm

Nooo, LOL. It won't affect your kids getting into schools. Listen, my two cats had 5 kittens. My kids went to school describing the birth process. Then they brought photos and showed them to their friends and rebbes. They didn't get kicked out yet. Very Happy

sequoia

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 8:53 pm

GAMZu wrote:

You have boy and girl cats?

yjlz

Wed, Feb 15 2012, 10:47 pm

I had the impression that it was a much bigger deal to have a dog! Are dogs and cats the same in terms of taboo or whatever?

A lady I cleaned for before I was married told me she wouldn't let her kids go to a house with a dog...

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 1:14 am

OP, you have a problem. The first rule of proper wolf pack membership, which is what dog ownership is about, is absolutely no aggresssion toward the Master's young. Puppies. I mean, children.

Your dog is offering to "nip" as you put it, which means bite, your baby.

OP, you are in a fog. The dog must go to your Mom. She knows it from forever. The poor dog doesn't have that much lifespan left anyway. Maybe two or three years, or less. Infirm years.

A trainer will have a hard time to get the desired result with such an old dog. Above all, this BREED will not respond. It is a toy breed. There is no Working Dog software in there to work with, and never was. Even giving it a try is unacceptable, because the risk still exists, and the risk is unacceptable:

OP, I do not think there is a danger the dog will bite your baby. I think it is as certain as the sun coming up tomorrow morning. Your kid is getting more mobile. Also, your kid will soon be aware a hostile being is living with him. He will rapidly figure out what those little stabbing gestures of the dog's face mean, especially when they are so quickly followed by swift movements on your part, and your sharp words.

Your kid may be disfigured. The dog may get the face. Your kid may develop a terror of dogs forever that limits his/her social life. Your kid may simply become something of a nutty fearful kid.

Even if your kid breezes through this inevitable event, YOU, OP, will suffer the tortures of the damned for its having happened on your watch, when you knew it was coming. Heck, you posted your concerns on Imamother. You will not escape. Protect yourself.

OP, call your mother.

If all giving away fails, you will do your duty by your dear and old friend, who was there for you when you didn't have a child, and whom you owe a dignified, quick and innocent-to-the last death. Put the dog to sleep. The dog will certainly not survive the coming bite. He will be put down unceremoniously by DH, and DH may also be mad at you during that. So the dog will leave this world anyway, but not with a clean record. And leaving wreckage behind him/her. You owe him/her better than that. You are like G-d to the dog: his/her end is in your hands, as his/her life was. His/her very food came entirely from your hands.

Sorry. Very sorry.

Expect to sob your heart out. That's ok. I have done it myself. I also have had dogs.

I am BT, too.

Sorry again. But you did ask for help.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Thu, Feb 16 2012, 1:23 am; edited 1 time in total

sequoia

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 1:18 am

Dogs and babies can live together, you know.

(edited by a mod. Please refrain from personal comments about other posters.)

HindaRochel

Thu, Feb 16 2012, 1:39 am

sequoia wrote:

Look, no pet is 100% safe. Dogs bite, cats scratch, turtles carry salmonella. But a pet is a member of your family.

^absolutely. As I said, you shouldn't leave any animal alone with a young child, as a child doesn't know how to take clues from the animal. Even the gentlest animal can bite or scratch if threatened.

Teach your child as s/he grows not to put their face near an animal as that can sometimes frighten them (this is a general not a specific suggestion), to not come up and grab them from behind, or grab them suddenly.

They can't tell us "Stop, you frightened me." they can alone use what G-d has given them to speak to us.