what to give to Israeli host we'll be staying at for a week?

amother

Sat, Feb 25 2012, 11:59 pm

Whenever I gave money, even to people of means, it was always appreciated.
I am sure they found what to do with it, even if they gave it to tzedaka! Makes no difference.

I want to take a shower the same way I do in the USA, not the way the natives do, and that is why I prefer to rent an apartment or stay at a hotel, and not put extra expenses on my friends and relatives.

I always took them out to nice restaurants, if that was a possibility. In addition to the money!
But if it ever happened, for one reason or another, that I had to stay at someone's house, I made sure to leave them at least the equivalent amount of the price in a hotel. They were quite happy and it is always easy to do so, "as a yom tov gift, or any other past or upcoming occasion". Any excuse is welcome, the money is very welcomed.
I don't think it is right to impose on people, no matter how much they want you there, without paying for it.
350 shekels is a joke, when most of the people there are so poor and living on negative balances most of their lives. If someone does have money, they can still use more, we all want more money no matter how much we have! But most people do not make ends meet.

hila

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 12:56 am

The most selfish thing you can do here in EY is waste water !

It is not about the moeny (though that is a factor) but we dont have the water to waste !

Please - save your long showers for the US and save our water.

As for presents - good fluffy towels will always be welcome.

But - now it is probably too late - next time - ask about 4-6 weeks before you go what they want and let them order it to you. The postage saved is worth more than anything you will give them. And most US sites will not ship here. The ones that do - the postage makes the goods prohibitively expensive (Land End, Old Navy, etc)

amother

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 1:12 am

amother wrote:

Agree with what Hila said about water-it's pretty selfish to waste what precious little water we have here.

In addition- I would just like to point out the fallacy in your post in which you state that most people do not make ends meet. I highly beg to differ. Maybe the people you have come into contact are like that. But my family and my circle of friends, bH we are all doing fine. And we live in an up and coming city where plenty of people make ends meet. Most Israeli's have at least one car. Lots of people own homes. Yes, there are people who don't maek ends meet, there are everywhere. My parents in the US are barely making it, as are lots of people that I know in the States.
Sorry OP for totally hijacking, that comment just needed a response.

chanchy123

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 3:01 am

amother wrote:

Please don't come visit me.

Isramom8

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 3:24 am

We would be embarrased by a monetary gift from a guest. Dinner out would be nice, if we had the time for it, because then we could spend some quality time with the guest. Leaving some money for utilities is a nice gesture, and we would accept it, if we felt the guest could afford it.

In addition, an appliance or light fixture or computer chair might be appreciated. Just hang around the house a little and notice what is broken, or pay attention to comments from the host pertaining to that, and replace the item in question. That should go over well!

But all we really expect is a maybe box of cookies or chocolates, as a gesture of decency. We're in it for love of the mitzva.

Tamiri

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 7:37 am

amother wrote:

This sounds like a Grandmama post, and it's true... to the reality of the people whom she visits. Not those with whom I or most of my peers associate. 350 nis is not a joke... it's a lot of money to "cover expenses" for 2 people for a week. Besides food, it should cover all water and electricity with room to spare. And I'd only offer it if I felt it could be used to pay for what utilities I used. Other than that - to PAY a relative like a hotel? Uch.

Tablepoetry

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 8:15 am

Tamiri wrote:

amother wrote:

I agree.
Most people I know are living just fine, actually better than many of the people I know of abroad.
And no, not everyone would appreciate money. I would frankly be shocked if friends or family left me 350 NIS or 1000 NIS - it's not about the amount, it's the principle of the matter. And most of the people I know (Israelis through and through) would feel the same, regardless of their socioeconomic status. In fact, the poorer ones would be even more insulted I think.
It is tacky and insulting to 'pay' someone for their hospitality, in MOST cases.

If you are staying at someone's and want to give them something nice for their trouble, get a lovely hostess gift/buy dinner, etc. If you see they are in a tough economic place and your stay is costing them water/electricity, there are ways to make up for it without leaving cash in an envelope. Get them a nice expensive practical gift from a local department store, where they can exchange it for something else if they want (Do NOT get them a $500 vase from America they have no use for). Bring something luxurious for Shabbat - a bouquet of flowers, a fancy bakery cake, good wine, fine chocolates, better yet a combination of the above. In most cases, this is better than getting them groceries - the first reads as a gesture of appreciation, the latter reads 'charity case'.

350 NIS would be enough to cover your showers and electric use, but that's not the point here. Unless you know for a fact your hosts would be happy to see money on the dresser once you leave, don't do it.

amother

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 8:16 pm

amother wrote:

I would love money and anon mom if you want to come shower and use up my water but then gave me a lot of money I would be fine with that LOL

Would $500 be sufficient for a weekend stay? Just to sleep? Or would I have to pay more than that?
I take very long showers, letting the water run for at least 5 minutes.
But I just found an rental in the heart of Jerusalem for $65. a night, brand new, private, and I can use the shower 24/6 if I so choose. In addition, there is heat and air conditioning, all included in that price. No tax, no tips, that is all, $65. a night. No gift giving necessary, the extra money can be given to charity.

But I try not to visit so often, I want to make sure to leave the water for you, the residents, so that you have enough for those 30 second showers. I don't want anyone to feel like the poster who only showers once a week before Shabbat.

amother

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 8:21 pm

LisaS wrote:

I would also find a monetary gift insulting. Unless it was an aunt who wanted me to buy a present for the kids. Paying someone to stay by them seems to take away from their mitzvah of hachnasat orchim. Let her know how much you appreciate it without making it seem like a business deal.

I agree with a previous poster who said to invite her to some of the activities if you can. And just about any small gift from Target or Bed Bath and Beyond would be nice.

Or, once you are there, tell her you'd like to buy her a gift and ask her what she'd like.

There are always ways of giving cash in such a way that it feels like a gift, not like a pity.
I hate asking people what they want and they always answer that they have everything they need when they really desperately need something but don't want to say what.
The mitzva remains a mitzva despite the gift, a gift never covers the hospitality, and the whole idea of hachnasat orchim. Going to someone and not giving is just taking advantage. Just because I want to go on a holiday, does not mean that someone has to be inconvenienced and pay the bills as well.

Boxes of chocolates and flowers are nice, if there is really no need for anything else.
But money is something that will always be useful, no matter what.

amother

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 8:22 pm

tsiggelle wrote:

why, I would really appreciate a note saying how you enjoyed the visit, and wanted to get me something but after thinking a lot about it , couldnt decide what to get me, so you decided instead to give me the money you had wanted to spend on me so that I should be able to buy what I wanted. and enclose the 350 shekels.

when you put it that way, it doesnt sound bad, it sounds very loving, thankful and thoughtful ( to want to give me a gift, to want to spend that much money on a gift for me, and to let me choose what I want to get[without having to feel embarrassed about my choice])

Tablepoetry

Mon, Feb 27 2012, 6:53 am

amother wrote:

The way to get around that is to buy something from a large local department store, which they can return for something else if necessary.
I wouldn't take the risk with a cash gift - too many here seem to think it's offensive (including myself).
I can't think of many situations where cash feels like a gift, rather than pity or laziness to go buy a gift - unless we are talking about gifts for children, or to 'cover a plate' at a wedding.

shabri

Mon, Feb 27 2012, 7:14 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

amother wrote:

or a gift card to such a local store or eatery or spa type place if thats her thing. Even though it is basically cash, its a gift

amother

Mon, Feb 27 2012, 10:56 am

amother wrote:

LisaS wrote:

I agree 100% yes it can be insulting but there are ways to put it delicately.
ANon Mom 500 for a weekend is a ton of money in my opinion and if you are willing that is so nice
I think you are extremely generous to think of that amount. But hey I'd rather get that then some handovers I may not need and is a cheapo present.