The way my MIL serves food grosses me out!

amother

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 10:26 am

Hi, jw if anyone here would agree with me on this...the way my mil serves her food on shabbos/yom tov makes me absolutely grossed out, to the point where I dont want to eat it. She serves everything in the container she made it in. So she will serve the gelfilte fish in the foil still in a tin pan, all the dips in the containers they came in (this is not so terrible). Then she will serve all the hot foods- chicken, kugles, meat in crumpled, foil pans (she re-uses them). I remember one 3 day yom tov she just kept re-heating the food, serving it on the table in those same tin/foil pans- they looked so mushed and disgusting, the corners were burnt, and it looked sooo unappetizing!! She will also serve cholent in a wash basin- those negelvasser bins...idk the whole thing just really makes me naushis. I know ppl like easy clean up, and I completely understand that but what would it take to transfer the food from the tin pans to cheap nice paper plates?? Even that better. Just the scene of sitting at a shabbos table covered in foil really bothers me. Maybe I am extra sensitive because in my house growing up, everything was always put on nice platters, dishes, we never brought actual jars/dips to the table- always put it on a dip platter lkovod shabbos. I am not saying she needs to use all her fancy platters, but like I said, some nice paper plates would do the job! I discussed this with my dh he agrees with me . I know its no big deal, but we do go there quite often (she will do this when she has other guests as well). Maybe I am over-reacting, please let me know...are there other ppl who serve this way on shabbos/yom tov??

baltimoremom

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 10:42 am

is your mil, my MIL? I agree with you, that its gross and I am very bothered by it. In the succah it was the worst she put down paper plates and a pile of plastic forks and everything in foil. But thank g-d she just serves the cholent in the cholent pot insert because what you are describing would def, gross me out. I am bothered b/c when guests come, other than family, she puts in triple the effort and we've only been married about 2 yrs. I do not expect china but like you said it takes two minutes to put chicken on a platter and I always offer to help and we offer to wash dishes.

My solution; I decided I had enough so I bought my MIL an oven to table dish for mothers day and I plan on continuing to buy her more, that way she can cook in it and bring it to the table but it will look decent.

Raisin

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 10:54 am

the only thing you can do is offer to serve the food and put it on serving dishes, and also wash up the extra dishes this might create, if you are using real china.

I think reusing disposable containers is gross and problematic halachically, since you need to toivel them.

plastic dishes in general do not age well and develop scratches and are yuck. Some people reuse plastic containers again and again, they are really not meant for this. I throw them out after few months. (eg plastic storage containers, alhough these don't really go on table)

I do put out dips in the containers they come in. They are pretty enough to do so. I hope no one minds.

tsiggelle

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 10:54 am

serving in the original dishes is ok to me
serving from pot is ok to me
serving in disposables when there are guests is ok to me

to keep reheating food is supposed to be unhealthy
to serve in a washbasin is unappetising even if it was bought and is used only for that.

what did I miss?

eta, reusing disposables needs a shaila about toiveling

Last edited by tsiggelle on Sun, Mar 11 2012, 10:56 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 10:56 am

Why dont you start giving her gifts when you go there for a meal, of Shabbos dishes for serving from. You could give the dishes saying specifically, I wanted to get you something pretty for the Shabbos table to serve the gefilta fish from. If it bothers you so much. If she says, oh its so much easier for clearing up...why dont you offer to help wash up after the meal. Infact if she does use the dishes, dont offer....do it.

Another suggestion is to make part of the meal yourself (take it round before Shabbos) and serve it or bring it on nice dishes.

I personally do think its a bit much for you to be disparging your MIL to your husband, yet do nothing to help or improve the situation.

Simple1

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 11:00 am

I opened this thread expecting to read something really gross. Doesn't sound gross, just informal and not elegant. I do that a lot but usually don't have guests. Or I'll do half and half. If something looks ok in the tin, I'll put it, otherwise I'll plate it. I'm otherwise very careful with food hygiene. I hope I'm not gross.

Maybe you can offer to help serve and put the food into serving plates, and also offer to wash up. Maybe she just don't have the energy to do it herself. Or maybe you can give her a break and invite her sometimes.

Part of marriage is getting used to different styles.

Raisin

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 11:02 am

Simple1 wrote:

I opened this thread expecting to read something really gross. Doesn't sound gross, just informal and not elegant. I do that a lot but usually don't have guests. Or I'll do half and half. If something looks ok in the tin, I'll put it, otherwise I'll plate it. I hope I'm not gross.

Maybe you can offer to help serve and put the food into serving plates, and also offer to wash up. Maybe she just don't have the energy to do it herself. Or maybe you can give her a break and invite her sometimes.

Part of marriage is getting used to different styles.

I think reusing the pans is really gross. If its a one use pan its not so bad.

I think OP just needs to be more helpful in the kitchen.

Pickle Lady

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 11:03 am

tsiggelle wrote:

I agree with this, I serve in the tins often on shabbos. Actually DH insists because he doesn't want to have more dishes for me or him to have to wash. BUT I do pay attention to how many times the food is reheated are reheated only 2 times.

baltimoremom

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 11:03 am

if her MIL is like mine she might not take the hint when you offer to dish the food on to the platter.

One yom tov, I went into the kitchen to help MIL, and I saw a platter on the counter "I said oh why don't I help you, I'll put the chicken the platter" and MIL said oh I don't want to use it b.c your parents are coming for a meal and I want to save the dishes for that and then she asked me if that was ok. I replied oh DH or me will wash the dishes, but MIL was like if its ok I would rather leave it in the pan.
If you MIL says that then there is nothing you can do.

shirachadasha

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 11:07 am

Raisin wrote:

I think reusing disposable containers is gross and problematic halachically, since you need to toivel them.

This is not the opinion of all poskim. Although your posek may say that you have to toivel disposable pans in your home, this doesn't necessarily mean you can't eat in the home of someone whose posek holds differently.

Please don't create a halachik issue for this poor woman who already has enough difficulty with her situation.

Raisin

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 11:12 am

shirachadasha wrote:

Raisin wrote:

I think reusing disposable containers is gross and problematic halachically, since you need to toivel them.

I'm explaining why I don't it. Many people do things like this without checking with a rav. Also, its just unhygenic. You can never get disposables as clean as a real dish. Pus, why bother? if you are already washing up disposables, use real dishes!

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 11:13 am

I used to put everything into serving dishes and then bring that to the table, but the clean up is just getting to be too much for me. now, I take the pans and put them into glass serving dishes before taking htem out to the table. any pan that doesnt fit into a glass, its contents go straight into the serving dish, but I really try to keep that to only one or two things.
I dont reuse pans, so thats not an issue in my house.

spring13

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 11:26 am

Raisin wrote:

shirachadasha wrote:

Raisin wrote:

I think reusing disposable containers is gross and problematic halachically, since you need to toivel them.

Could you tell my MIL that? she doesn't serve everything in foil at the table, but she does rewash and reuse disposable pans, which I really don't get. The whole point of those is that they're disposable. IF you're going to do dishes, you might as well use something sturdier and nicer to begin with. and foil might be cheap, but reusing proper dishes is cheaper and requires fewer shopping trips. Her constant use and reuse of foil just seems like a waste of the convenience that foil is supposed to provide in the first place.

OP, I don't think it's worth making a fuss over it - but do you think that if you gave her some Pyrex or Corningware items that are oven-to-table (ie: safe for cooking, with lids for storing the contents, but nice enough to serve in as well) would she use them? What if you brought something over in a pan like that so she could see how convenient those are?