The way my MIL serves food grosses me out!

Barbara

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 2:52 pm

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

And I figured that she didn't bother with serving utensils but, instead, had people serve themselves with their eating utensils.

Serving from the containers that food is heating in may not be beautiful, but to be "grossed out" by it -- not to want to eat, or to be physically repulsed because its not beautifully arranged on a platter? I don't get it.

mizle10

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 2:58 pm

Barbara wrote:

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

Exactly.

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 3:08 pm

amother wrote:

I am so not the type to say this on a post, but op, seriously...give yourself a few more years married and a few more kids and hopefully you will grow up a little bit.

This.

Cmon, OP. It grosses you out to be served in foil pans? Is that really the biggest issue you have with your MIL? Thank your lucky stars that's it. Would you be grossed out if she served on them during the week? Either way, I also thought of the white tablecloth example. Fine, it's not the way you do it. It's not the way your mother did it. But it's the way your MIL does it. Grow up.

What you're saying isnt that what your MIl does is gross. It's that you feel your MIL doesn't have as nice a Shabbos/yt table as you'd like. Fine. Grit your teeth and bear it. It's not unhygenic, it's not "gross." It's just different. People are allowed to be different. Some people might think your Shabbos table is "boring" because you serve the same traditional foods every week. Or that your Shabbos table is sacriligious because you don't serve traditional foods. Whatever. Live and let live. Pick your battles. And all those great aphorisms.

I'll be the honest one here. I reuse foil pans all the time. I reuse them for a couple of reasons:

1. I only have a couple of milchik pans and a couple of fleishig pans. I don't have room in my cabinets for more. Foil pans are easy to store, lightweight (won't fall on my head), and just easy to use.

2. I often freeze things -- like kugels, for example. They don't always comeo ut of the pan easily for freezing. So I just make them in foil pans and freeze them. When I defrost them, they don't always transfer well.

3. Every few weeks something I make burns onto the pan and is IMPOSSIBLE to get off. I soak it, I soap it, I do everything to it...and eventually I can scrub the thing clean. I hate it. It's one of my most despised chores. So I use disposable (toiveled) several times so that when this happens, I don't even need to scrub. Just throw it out.

Am I gross? Good. Don't eat at my house. I don't want you here anyway, with your judgemental attitude.

agreer

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 3:22 pm

Ewwww this post reminds me of my MIL, too! Only I bet I have the grossest.

in addition to disposables on the yomtov table (and not the nice kind), there are NO serving forks. I need to ask my husband to go into the kitchen to get me one... And then, even when I do put on a serving fork, my MIL still uses her own (used) one.

I've also helped her prepare food... She licks spoons to taste and then dips it in... Or she uses her fingers to scoop a little bit...

She also uses chicken schmaltz to grease her cake pans. Ewwwwwwwwww.

I hate going there. My husband tries to help, but I hate eating there.

I try to eat as little as possible and bring my own snacks.

mizle10

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 3:24 pm

agreer wrote:

Why is it gross to using disposables?? I personally would never ever use them, but it's not gross! If anything they're cleaner!

ElTam

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 3:36 pm

I would not do this, personally. If I cook in foil and I don't want to wash serving platters, then I plate in the kitchen.

That being said, you can get over the way your MIL does it or you can stay home. You can't change how she does things.

And I agree you should not talk to your Dh about this. You asked why. Put the shoe on the other foot. Would you like your MIL criticizing you to your DH? V'ahavta l're'akha k'mokha. You are also putting him in the position of feeling shame about his mother, which is not good.

sarahd

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 3:38 pm

Barbara wrote:

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

You eat with your eyes too, not just your mouth. That's why the Japanese are so into arranging their food nicely.

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 3:51 pm

sarahd wrote:

Barbara wrote:

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

You eat with your eyes too, not just your mouth. That's why the Japanese are so into arranging their food nicely.

In that case, I'm grossed out because my MIL uses a disposable plastic tablecloth. Ew, it's gross. It makes the tablecloth underneath look all gross and shiny, and it just FEELS gross. I mean, wouldn't you rather have cloth under your arms than gross plastic?

And ewwww my MIL serves her gefilte fish plain, without even a carrot or a piece of lettuce to garnish it. Isn't that gross? It would look SO much nicer if she would just garnish it. You eat with your eyes, too, y'know, not just with your mouth. How much does a tiny piece of carrot cost anyway? What's her problem?

(I usually don't insert this much sarcasm into my posts, but this whole thread just takes the cake.)

Fox

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 4:00 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

amother wrote:

I am so not the type to say this on a post, but op, seriously...give yourself a few more years married and a few more kids and hopefully you will grow up a little bit.

This.

OP, 20-30 years ago I would have agreed with you. Perhaps not to the point of being nauseated, but it would have definitely bothered me.

Fast-forward those 20-30 years, and I have a different perspective. Between a full-time job, chronic anemia that makes it difficult to stand doing dishes, and a semi-disabled husband who can't help . . . I've become a lot more judicious about the amount of "elegance" I'm up to providing. Having people offer to help doesn't reduce the responsibility -- it just requires me to answer a million questions and supervise.

I don't know anything about your MIL's other responsibilities, her health, or the reasons behind any of her idiosyncrasies, but I would strongly suggest that you change your attitude. Remember, the world works on the principle of middah keneged middah, and judgmentalness and lack of rachmones have an unpleasant way of biting one back!

Yes, I agree that Shabbos is enhanced considerably by setting a lovely table and by serving food in an appealing way. And to that end, I give you a bracha that you'll always have the energy and physical strength to do so.

sarahd

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 4:06 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Barbara wrote:

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

You eat with your eyes too, not just your mouth. That's why the Japanese are so into arranging their food nicely.

Guess what? My mother never uses plastic tablecloths in her dining room because she finds them gross and unappetizing. (Neither do I, nor does my MIL except when the grandkids come to visit on Sunday afternoon. FTR, we did not ask about this when researching the shidduch with my husband.)

And guess what else? Gefilte fish looks nicer with a piece of carrot, and more appetizing too. I eat it even without the carrot and serve it that way sometimes but it's certainly more attractive with it.

Serving food out of disgustingly dirty pans is gross. It's also not at all Shabbosdik. Or hygienic, for that matter. I think it's much worse than not showering every day, the mere thought of which sends most posters here into paroxysms of revulsion.

mizle10

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 4:11 pm

sarahd wrote:

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Barbara wrote:

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

You eat with your eyes too, not just your mouth. That's why the Japanese are so into arranging their food nicely.

Not taking things out of the foil does not equal "disgustingly dirty pans".
Oh, and btw, you sometimes serve gefilte fish without the carrot???? ewwww!!!
Not everyone is geshikt, not everyones forte is in the kitchen.

sarahd

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 4:26 pm

mizle10 wrote:

sarahd wrote:

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Barbara wrote:

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

You eat with your eyes too, not just your mouth. That's why the Japanese are so into arranging their food nicely.

Not taking things out of the foil does not equal "disgustingly dirty pans".

FTR:

OP wrote:

Then she will serve all the hot foods- chicken, kugles, meat in crumpled, foil pans (she re-uses them). I remember one 3 day yom tov she just kept re-heating the food, serving it on the table in those same tin/foil pans- they looked so mushed and disgusting, the corners were burnt, and it looked sooo unappetizing!!

mizle10 wrote:

Oh, and btw, you sometimes serve gefilte fish without the carrot???? ewwww!!!

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 6:13 pm

sarahd wrote:

See, I think you missed the point. I have no problem with people who serve carrots with their gefilte fish or decide on their own that they'd rather not use plastic tablecloths. What I do have a problem with is people who think that others who don't do like them are "gross." You may prefer a carrot with your gefilte fish, but would you come on imamother to kvetch about how gross your mil is because she leaves out the carrot? Or would you understand that that's a valid way of serving fish, just not the way you'd prefer? Same with the plastic tablecloth -- would you feel grossed out going to someone's house who has one? Woudl you offer to buy them a new tablecltoh to subtly convert them to your way of thinking?

I'm not talkinga bout the three day food. If that was the OP's main complaint, I wouldn't have responded as I did.