The way my MIL serves food grosses me out!

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amother

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 3:33 pm

OP here- wow im shocked at all the bashing!! seriously, hurt also. Im sooo not a spoiled high maintenance person. and I guarentee every single one of you if you came to a meal there you would aplogize and agree with me that this is gross. Its unappetizing when your food is coming from re-used, DISPOSABLE foil burnt tin pans that do not look clean! im sorry if you cant understand this! all im saying is if she would maybe just place is on paper plates it would look cleaner/more appetizing. But for those of you who are telling me very nastily just "get over it", "dont eat at my house"...you are totally misunderstanding my point! And for the person who thinks its inappropriate to discuss this with my dh- wow I have no words! vohavta lraicha kamocha?? what the point of marriage if we cant be open with each other! there are things about my parents my dh does not like and he has no problem telling me- not in bashing nasty way, just as one spouse to another. Anyway, I thank you all for your responses, but I see many of you clearly misunderstood me. Im happy to go there even if the food grosses me out, which it does. She is still my MIL and I accept it.

chavamom

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 4:36 pm

sarahd wrote:

Barbara wrote:

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

And I figured that she didn't bother with serving utensils but, instead, had people serve themselves with their eating utensils.

Serving from the containers that food is heating in may not be beautiful, but to be "grossed out" by it -- not to want to eat, or to be physically repulsed because its not beautifully arranged on a platter? I don't get it.

You eat with your eyes too, not just your mouth. That's why the Japanese are so into arranging their food nicely.

It's not just a Japanese idea. Bnai Israel complained about the mon in the desert. How could they complain about the mon, a miraculous food that could taste like (almost) anything they wanted? Chazal say it was because it always looked the same. Part of the enjoyment of eating is in the visuals. There have even been studies done on this where they have taken food that people would normally like and dyed it with food dyes to be unusual colors (think "blue ketchup", for example). Despite it tasting exactly like the food that the person had previously enjoyed, they now found it distasteful.

Amother, I hear the issue and I don't think you are crazy. It might be something you just decide that once in a while it's worth it to just put up with. Or maybe try the "buy oven to tableware", but even if you buy it, she might not use it. It seems like aesthetics just aren't her thing.

Simple1

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 4:45 pm

OP, I think sometimes food can be appetizing in tin pans if it looks fresh and is prepared nicely. And I can see it being done in a gross way too. I guess you are right, if we see it, we would know what you mean. I just don't think that all food served in tin pans is gross, just sometimes. Maybe some people were taking offense at being considered gross because they do this.

ra_mom

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 4:47 pm

Can you bring nice hard plastic disposable serving dishes to the meal along with you, so that you can properly put out the food for her, and still throw out the serving dishes at the end of the meal without anyone needing to wash up?

Also, maybe try to go eat by her the 1st day of YT, not the 3rd. I have also been to places where people just keep reheating the same food over and over again and I just cannot seem to stomach it either.

Isramom8

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 4:59 pm

I have a kid who, even as a toddler, refused to eat a slice of gefilte fish if it was missing the carrot. Some people are just born that way.

myself

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 5:03 pm

For those of you that mentioned not re-using disposable pans due to the need to tovel them - How do you know that OP's MIL hasn't toiveled them?

OP, I'm sure you can see that others seem to be doing what your MIL is doing too and don't find it gross. Personally I can understand why it would bother you to be served out of old and dirty tins and it's wonderful that you still go to her for the meals. I'm sure DH would be upset if you were to choose to stop eating at his mother's house so try to think of it as a way of pleasing him! Good Luck and hopefully you'll either get used to it or she'll miraculously change her kitchen habits! Wink

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 5:41 pm

amother wrote:

If there was something unhygenic about all of this, I missed it in your original post. Again, being grossed out about something unhygenic is normal, imho. But what does the fact that the dirty pans are made of foil have to do with the issue? I wouldn't want to eat out of dirty foil pans, but I would't want to eat out of dirty pyrex or corelle either. And honestly, I'm wondering whether that's really your problem. After all, I would't want to eat food out of dirty pans, and that would stay true even if the food was then placed onto clean plastic plates. What's the difference? I would still be grossed out if the food came from pans that probably harbored disease-causing bacteria.

Which is why I'm wondering if the hygiene issue is really the problem here, or just the fact that the foil pans don't look as pretty, so they're therefore "gross."

And for all of you that are saying that she should bring disposable serving dishes...no thanks. That's as much of an insult as saying straight out "Ew, I think it's gross to serve from foil pans." Maybe as a one-time thing for serving in the sukkah or something, you could get away with an excuse like "I thought it would be nice to just be able to throw everything away after we use it." Maybe. Otherwise? Grin and bear it. Like she might grin and bear it if she comes to visit you and sees that you are throwing out perfectly good serving pieces -- something that she may see as wasteful. But to each his own, and she shouldn't get off your back or try to change you, right?

Isramom8

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 5:47 pm

Can you say something outright, and present it as your shtick or your problem? Something along the lines of, "I have this thing about really liking to have Shabbos food served on platters, so if you don't mind putting up with my idiosyncracy, I'll do the dishes, of course. It just makes my Shabbos; I can't really explain it, thanks!"

Orchid

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 6:07 pm

OP, the bashing might come from you/various other posters confusing "gross" and "not fancy." Some of us don't have the time/money/health to be "fancy" and therefore take umbrage that our food is "gross." Gross is getting her germs over everything (as some people piped in). Gross is NOT a lack of a special serving dish for gefilte fish. Gross is using a negal vasser dish for cholent that is not clean. Gross is NOT using a CLEAN negel vasser dish. That would be "not fancy." See the difference? And see why some people, who don't use a special gefilte fish serving dish, but are otherwise totally clean and hygienic, might be somewhat offended on behalf of you MIL??

Orchid

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 6:12 pm

chavamom wrote:

Part of the enjoyment of eating is in the visuals.

That could well be true, but to say that something that is not exciting or pretty is GROSS is a bit of a stretch. Examples of gross things are things that fell on the floor, or that has hair or snot in it. Something that lacks a pretty serving dish is just simply not gross. That is offensive and immature.

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 6:12 pm

Thanks, Orchid. Yes, you concisely said what my long ramble was trying to get across.

chavamom

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 7:03 pm

She said the pans were reused and dirty. That's not quite "not on a pretty serving dish".

Barbara

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 8:33 pm

chavamom wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Barbara wrote:

mizle10 wrote:

Lol I thought you would say she puts a whole chicken on a platter and everyone use their hands to pull of a wing, drumstick, etc

You eat with your eyes too, not just your mouth. That's why the Japanese are so into arranging their food nicely.

Do you really find that serving food in the pan in which it was made to be more aesthetically pleasing simply because the pan happens to be clear Pyrex instead of a foil tin?

Its not arranged. Its not beautiful. Its just in a different type of container, still with burnt on cooking residue.

Throwing on a platter is little different

If you want to eat with your eyes, you'd better be doing this:

If anyone is doing that for every Shabbat meal with her family (and remember, OP is talking about a family meal with her husband's parents), then she does have my admiration. Me, I'm grateful the food is cooked and tasty. And I certainly am not "grossed out" (ie nauseated, sickened) by anything less than artistry in presentation.

Barbara

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 8:44 pm

chavamom wrote:

She said the pans were reused and dirty. That's not quite "not on a pretty serving dish".

Maybe later, after people disagreed. But originally, she talked about being "grossed out" to the point of "not want[ing] to eat" not because the containers were dirty, but because they were bent and slightly burnt a the end of a 3-day Yom Tov, and also because dips were served in the containers they were purchased in.

Quote:

She serves everything in the container she made it in. So she will serve the gelfilte fish in the foil still in a tin pan, all the dips in the containers they came in (this is not so terrible). Then she will serve all the hot foods- chicken, kugles, meat in crumpled, foil pans (she re-uses them). I remember one 3 day yom tov she just kept re-heating the food, serving it on the table in those same tin/foil pans- they looked so mushed and disgusting, the corners were burnt, and it looked sooo unappetizing!!

Quote:

Just the scene of sitting at a shabbos table covered in foil really bothers me.

So while she later claimed things were "dirty," her original complaint was that she was "naushis" because there were foil pans on the table.

If OP is nauseated by being served from foil pans, then she's nauseated. But since she's asking if its normal to be nauseated by being served in a casual manner, well, IME, its not normal.

Orchid

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 8:48 pm

chavamom wrote:

She said the pans were reused and dirty. That's not quite "not on a pretty serving dish".

I'm not going to re-read OPs posts, but I will grant that some of her complaints were that things were actually dirty. No-one really gave her attitude over the actual dirty part. But the vast majority of her complaints were simply that the pans were reused. (I remember reading that the corners were - bent in!- horrors!). I reuse pans all the time. The corners might even be bent in!!! And I don't use serving pieces!! Do you think I should change my user-name now that I've been officially outed as "gross?"

amother

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 8:48 pm

Barnara - I do that when I have company over, I love showing off my beautiful dishes and it makes my food look so much more appetizing. Having said that, my MIL serves like the OP's and I have no problem with it. Who cares if she's using a tin that's probably older than DH? Some people are just not into these sorts of things...

DrMom

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 9:29 pm

It's not my style, but I think being "grossed out" or nauseated" by a foil pan is quite an overreaction.

jelly belly

Sun, Mar 11 2012, 10:13 pm

Orchid, I don't think OP said her mil is gross, or even that what she's doing is gross. She said it grosses her out. There's a difference, you know. Lots of things gross me out that wouldn't necessarily gross you out. And I'm sure there are things I do that would gross out other people. Big deal- we are all entitled to our hang ups, as long as we don't let them get out of hand or negatively affect our relationships.

merelyme

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 3:09 am

myself wrote:

For those of you that mentioned not re-using disposable pans due to the need to tovel them - How do you know that OP's MIL hasn't toiveled them?

If you bend the pan a little out of shape and then bend it back to create a "kli" (dish or item that will hold food) then it was made by a ben/bas Yisrael and no longer needs tevillah.

sarahd

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 3:58 am

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Guess what? My mother never uses plastic tablecloths in her dining room because she finds them gross and unappetizing. (Neither do I, nor does my MIL except when the grandkids come to visit on Sunday afternoon. FTR, we did not ask about this when researching the shidduch with my husband.)

And guess what else? Gefilte fish looks nicer with a piece of carrot, and more appetizing too. I eat it even without the carrot and serve it that way sometimes but it's certainly more attractive with it.

Serving food out of disgustingly dirty pans is gross. It's also not at all Shabbosdik. Or hygienic, for that matter. I think it's much worse than not showering every day, the mere thought of which sends most posters here into paroxysms of revulsion.

See, I think you missed the point. I have no problem with people who serve carrots with their gefilte fish or decide on their own that they'd rather not use plastic tablecloths. What I do have a problem with is people who think that others who don't do like them are "gross." You may prefer a carrot with your gefilte fish, but would you come on imamother to kvetch about how gross your mil is because she leaves out the carrot? Or would you understand that that's a valid way of serving fish, just not the way you'd prefer? Same with the plastic tablecloth -- would you feel grossed out going to someone's house who has one? Woudl you offer to buy them a new tablecltoh to subtly convert them to your way of thinking?

I'm not talkinga bout the three day food. If that was the OP's main complaint, I wouldn't have responded as I did.

Was OP complaining about plastic tablecloths or carrot-less gefilte fish, or was she complaining about serving food on the Shabbos table out of dirty, reused pans? Plastic tablecloths were a tangent; I don't know anyone who refuses to eat at a table with a plastic tablecloth, even if they personally don't use them. Gefilte fish with or without carrots was a silly example of grossness. There is of course a continuum (wrong word, but I can't think of the right one) from elegant to tasteful to nice to plain to acceptable to messy to dirty to gross and so on. Presentation of food doesn't have to be glamorous or elegant, but it should at least be clean and nice.

You are not allowed to serve from pots and pans in the sukkah, do you know why?

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