The way my MIL serves food grosses me out!

mizle10

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 8:52 am

sarahd wrote:

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

sarahd wrote:

Guess what? My mother never uses plastic tablecloths in her dining room because she finds them gross and unappetizing. (Neither do I, nor does my MIL except when the grandkids come to visit on Sunday afternoon. FTR, we did not ask about this when researching the shidduch with my husband.)

And guess what else? Gefilte fish looks nicer with a piece of carrot, and more appetizing too. I eat it even without the carrot and serve it that way sometimes but it's certainly more attractive with it.

Serving food out of disgustingly dirty pans is gross. It's also not at all Shabbosdik. Or hygienic, for that matter. I think it's much worse than not showering every day, the mere thought of which sends most posters here into paroxysms of revulsion.

See, I think you missed the point. I have no problem with people who serve carrots with their gefilte fish or decide on their own that they'd rather not use plastic tablecloths. What I do have a problem with is people who think that others who don't do like them are "gross." You may prefer a carrot with your gefilte fish, but would you come on imamother to kvetch about how gross your mil is because she leaves out the carrot? Or would you understand that that's a valid way of serving fish, just not the way you'd prefer? Same with the plastic tablecloth -- would you feel grossed out going to someone's house who has one? Woudl you offer to buy them a new tablecltoh to subtly convert them to your way of thinking?

I'm not talkinga bout the three day food. If that was the OP's main complaint, I wouldn't have responded as I did.

Was OP complaining about plastic tablecloths or carrot-less gefilte fish, or was she complaining about serving food on the Shabbos table out of dirty, reused pans? Plastic tablecloths were a tangent; I don't know anyone who refuses to eat at a table with a plastic tablecloth, even if they personally don't use them. Gefilte fish with or without carrots was a silly example of grossness. There is of course a continuum (wrong word, but I can't think of the right one) from elegant to tasteful to nice to plain to acceptable to messy to dirty to gross and so on. Presentation of food doesn't have to be glamorous or elegant, but it should at least be clean and nice.

You are not allowed to serve from pots and pans in the sukkah, do you know why?

No, not dirty. reused and crumpled. And dips in the original containers. At least in her op.

amother

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 8:57 am

For many of us a reused tin IS dirty, especially if parts of the food are no longer edible because of the constant reheating. Also, someone mentioned that it's impossible to truly wash out tins.

OP, add another person to your side. My mother in law also does things that I find really gross. I still eat at her house, and I still think she's an amazing woman. That's life, especially when you are trying to integrate into a family that isn't actually your family yet.

Anon bc my mil might be here.

mizle10

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 9:00 am

amother wrote:

What exactly does that mean??? If I clean out a tin (which yes btw, is possible!!! try it yourself) and it's spotless it's dirty to you??? Do your eyes have dirt particles that shoot out of them into my tin? So say it's ugly and unapealing, but that doesn't make it dirty!!!
And btw this is coming from someone who really really really dislikes eating from reused tins, but I'm not calling them dirty when they're perfectly clean!

amother

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 9:15 am

Amother from before. I have tried it, that's how I know. It loses it's sheen because if there is any kind of grease or fat in what you are cooking it doesn't really come off perfectly. Maybe you have better soap than OP's mil and I do.

It's funny, because I happen to have health problems myself so I cut corners in a lot of ways but my Shabbos table isn't one of them, especially not with guests. I'm not begrudging OP's mother in law her prerogative to serve how she wants to, but I don't think anyone can stop me or OP or anyone else from changing our tastes. I have to admit that all of you who were describing your reusing and reheating, it made me a little queasy. Again, totally your right, and I don't judge you for it, but I don't have to embrace it either.

Just curious OP- does your mil serve this way with guests, or only when it's just family?

DrMom

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 11:12 am

Barbara wrote:

Now you've made me curious. For people who use oven to table cookware, if you have leftovers, do you remove the food from the pan, wash the pan, and then replace it? Or do you reheat without doing so? It sounds to me as if OP is talking about "re-using" the foil pan as in using it until the food is finished, without washing. And I would assume that most people using disposable or non-disposable oven to table do that. But I could be wrong.

I reheat without washing and replacing. That's the whole idea of over-to-table-to-fridge-to-oven cookware.

I'm talking about Corningware-type cookware that comes with glass covers (for cooking) or plastic tupperware-type covers for refrigerating.

I don't reheat and refrigerate a zillion times, but I do take it through that cycle at least once if there are leftovers. Is that bad?

amother

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 11:16 am

DrMom wrote:

Barbara wrote:

to read the posts here, is not "bad" just "gross"

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 11:19 am

Barbara wrote:

Let's take kugel as an example. I would put the baking pan in the fridge, or possibly transfer the contents to a storage container. Leftovers are dished out individually and the plates reheated in the microwave (obviously not on Shabbat/YT). Re-baking the pan makes the residue from the part that has already been served get all baked-on and burnt, and if you don't need the entire leftover portion at once it may be reheated/baked-on several times...not good for the flavor of the food, and not too appetizing (and I'm not very picky!).

I've seen this in my own extended family on Pesach, when more disposables are in use, reheating individual portions is not practical (YT), and a lot of leftovers are generated by the earlier meals. Kugels are taken out of the fridge and used for several (fairly casual) meals. By the third day of use, foil pans are so battered from handling that they aren't really presentable. I don't find it nauseating, just another example of how Pesach isn't quite like the rest of the year.

gryp

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 11:45 am

Orchid wrote:

chavamom wrote:

She said the pans were reused and dirty. That's not quite "not on a pretty serving dish".

I'm not going to re-read OPs posts, but I will grant that some of her complaints were that things were actually dirty. No-one really gave her attitude over the actual dirty part. But the vast majority of her complaints were simply that the pans were reused. (I remember reading that the corners were - bent in!- horrors!). I reuse pans all the time. The corners might even be bent in!!! And I don't use serving pieces!! Do you think I should change my user-name now that I've been officially outed as "gross?"

You can be Gross1, I'll be Gross2.

mizle10

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 12:56 pm

ysmommy wrote:

I think it is gross after the first round.

Im not into being fancy and a fresh pan of chicken is fine but once you start with the reheating and fridging and all that it begins to look very unappitizing. I think it is not too much effort to buy a disposable platter and serve on that. I do that when we have guests. each platter costs 50 cents and my table looks decent.

I think everyone agrees its unappetizing. It's the dirty part I'm having a problem with.

HindaRochel

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 1:09 pm

mizle10 wrote:

ysmommy wrote:

I think everyone agrees its unappetizing. It's the dirty part I'm having a problem with.

I don't find bent pans gross or unappetizing. I don't like to serve in foil pans. I like to put things on the table in pretty plates etc. But I can't always; just not enough serving stuff to go around.

Some people think plastic is unappetizing. I care less about what it is served on as long as it is clean, then how it tastes. Yes, I enjoy making things pretty, but some people don't have the time/energy.

OP, it is perhaps that your MIL wants you to sit at the table and enjoy yourself. Maybe she feels you work to hard. Maybe she'd be happier if your dh helped out or maybe, just maybe, if you could sit and relax and talk with everyone and keep your eyes on everyone's faces and not the platter, things would be better.

celestial

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 1:18 pm

I've been to houses where they do this, so to answer the original question, your mother in law isn't the only one.

Whether or not I (or you) find it disgusting is hardly the point. I would try and focus, if I were you, on how lucky you are to have a mother in law that wants you over so often and that you get to spend so much time with. It's between her and G-d how she does or does not honor the Yom Tov.

There are some families I go to specifically for the company. I purposefully eat before I go so I won't be hungry, because I simply can't or won't eat their food. It may be my own mishugass, or maybe if I asked enough people there would be consensus that the food/presentation is indeed gross. But I go there for the company and I am so grateful to spend time with great people.

I tend to look at things with a very critical eye, and I love cooking and hosting, so I just TURN THAT OFF when I'm at other people's homes. Otherwise I'd be giving unsolicited advice about all sorts of things and that would be pretty obnoxious.

causemommysaid

Mon, Mar 12 2012, 1:19 pm

mizle10 wrote:

ysmommy wrote:

I think everyone agrees its unappetizing. It's the dirty part I'm having a problem with.

when you have a crumpled up pan thats been heated up for the third time the edges tend to get gunky, burnt, and the actual food kind of shriveled and sorry looking. I can see someone thinking it looked "dirty" even if noone threw it on the floor or sneezed over it.