Mom & student | Imamother

amother

Tue, Mar 20 2012, 6:35 pm

I have a midterm due tomorrow for a seminar class. We just had spring break and my baby was sick, my baby sitter was away, dh had to go oot unexpectedly, I am sick now... I haven't had a moment to breathe, never mind write the midterm. I asked for an extension and the TA (it's a prof and TA coteaching) said she will deduct point for every day it is late. I am super annoyed now. Students without kids would never be in this situation, and they usually get extensions on papers!

Vent/ I think there is a university policy on students with kids somewhere.... Should I look into it and go that way, or just forget it?

eschaya

Tue, Mar 20 2012, 6:52 pm

I would say just take some tylenol, drink lots of coffee, stay up all night and push yourself. Then collapse after the midterm. Or decide that you will be fine with one point deducted and get a good night sleep tonight and then push yourself all day tomorrow. True you have kids, but schools can't start making exceptions for every circumstance. You knew what schooling would require before you started. I don't think it would look well on you (and on frum Jews, and on mothers of kids in general) to start complaining and asking for exceptions because of xyz.
Why do you say that students without kids usually get extensions? Never happened where I went to school. No one got exemptions or exceptions. You either did your work and did well, or you failed.
I don't want to sound uncaring, I actually know how you're feeling... I did an accelerated Masters with 3 little kids at home and lots of responsibilities. I just think that in the long run you will be better off not making a fuss about this; the teachers and faculty will definitely have more respect for you and may be more willing to accomodate you in the future if they see you are putting in maximum effort.
Good luck and feel better.

amother

Tue, Mar 20 2012, 7:10 pm

I know other people get extensions because I have friends who are teaching and TAing and I am friends with some professors. I actually asked a prof for advice on asking for an extension! I'm not saying that everyone asks, but it seems to me that when people ask they usually get.

My main issue is that I had a sick baby who didn't sleep, no dh, and no babysitter. I had no way to do any work! It's a non Jewish school that claims to be supportive of parenting people.

Do you really think I give a bad impression of frum Jews?

Tue, Mar 20 2012, 7:32 pm

eschaya wrote:

I would say just take some tylenol, drink lots of coffee, stay up all night and push yourself. Then collapse after the midterm. Or decide that you will be fine with one point deducted and get a good night sleep tonight and then push yourself all day tomorrow. True you have kids, but schools can't start making exceptions for every circumstance. You knew what schooling would require before you started. I don't think it would look well on you (and on frum Jews, and on mothers of kids in general) to start complaining and asking for exceptions because of xyz.
Why do you say that students without kids usually get extensions? Never happened where I went to school. No one got exemptions or exceptions. You either did your work and did well, or you failed.I don't want to sound uncaring, I actually know how you're feeling... I did an accelerated Masters with 3 little kids at home and lots of responsibilities. I just think that in the long run you will be better off not making a fuss about this; the teachers and faculty will definitely have more respect for you and may be more willing to accomodate you in the future if they see you are putting in maximum effort.
Good luck and feel better.

I agree with all of the above, especially the bolded part - I was a "traditional" student (alternate reading: went to college and grad school immmediately after high school, single with no kids) and never got extensions that I can recall. There are schools that cater to non-traditional students which might have a different culture.

Do look for the university policy on students with kids, if there is one, and bring it to your instructor's attention if you need to. But try your hardest to do your best.

amother

Tue, Mar 20 2012, 7:45 pm

Thanks eytse!

everyone else - did you ever ask for an extension? Some people never ask, but all the TAs and profs I know get them pretty often. I've asked for extensions before I was a mom and got them, at least twice that I can remember. I didn't even consider that she would be so hard on me. I'm working now, but am super annoyed.

It's not uncommon, I think.

morah

Tue, Mar 20 2012, 9:02 pm

A lot depends on the school, but in general, you are expected to do the work, come heck or high water. You don't really have time now to formally request an extension, so here's what I would do: either pull an all-nighter (it will suck, but it's just one night) and get it done on time, or hand it in a day late, but make it the best paper you've ever written so the deducted point won't matter. If you think you can bang out a good paper tonight, do that, if not, take option B.