my 4 Yr Old Twin Girls-not progressing academically the same

momx6

Tue, Apr 17 2012, 8:37 pm

my 4 yr old twin girls are in the same class. One twin knows her aleph-bais really well. The 2nd twin knows from aleph to hay. She is also more babyish so whenever I try to practice with her she gets all giggly and playful.
My concern is that one will continue to pre-1A and one will have to stay in kindergarten. Which btw, I will NOT do! Althought the morah hasnt said anything YET to me, I have this niggiling worry in the pit of my stomach about the 2nd twin falling behind especially if she does go to pre 1a then she will really be behind when the class is up to kriah.

Also, when do kindergarten morahs make the determination if anyone has to be held back a year? Please if there are any kindergarten morahs here on imamother please advise!
TIA
(sorry for rambling, my dh just brushes me off when I voice my concerns)

runninglate

Tue, Apr 17 2012, 9:35 pm

thats a really difficult situation. Does your daughter have other delays besides with alef bais? Maybe she is qualified for special ed if youre in new york. (seit, p3, depending on her age). See what you can do to help her so she can succeed and move up with her sister.

QUEENY

Tue, Apr 17 2012, 11:24 pm

I have twins a boy and a girl so the situation is a little different bc they are not in the same class....but I had the same issue dd is more mature, academicallly she picks up much faster than ds. after Kindergarten and pre-1a I struggled with the same decision. I came to the conclusion that ds would have a realy tough time later on knowing dd is a year ahead bc at a young age he was already upset she is older than him.

Aside from getting him help from the board of ed, during pre-1a I hired a kriah tutor and eventually a reading tutor (could not get p3) now they are in second grade and bh they are both reading. Ds is very strong in math and dd is a stronger reader but they are both doing well.

In my opinion... do whatever you can to keep them both in the same grade...maybe different classes so they are not compared but for the struggling twin's self esteem I think you should avoid keeping her back.
Good Luck!

amother

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 1:04 am

I don't speak from twin experience, but here is what I would explore:

Is the less-academic twin really behind as far as where she should be, or is her sister just more advanced? (Maybe her teacher can help you with deciding this, since she sees a variety of children and isn't only comparing the twins to each other)
Depending on your circumstances, perhaps putting them in different schools is an option? Maybe the less academic twin would thrive more in a place where she receives more attention.
If switching to another school isn't an option (and I know that would be a big deal), maybe you can get private tutoring for the twin who is less academically inclined?
I agree that putting her back a grade when her sister is advancing does not sound like a good idea.
But again, before looking into any of this: make sure that she is actually delayed and doesn't simply appear that way because her sister is advanced. If she isn't delayed but simply isn't an A student, explore other activities that she might enjoy or advance in, so she doesn't feel inferior to her sister.

amother

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 2:03 am

I'm from Australia so I'm not sure if the classes match up but if pre 1A is the same as prep then do they really need to know all their alef beis?
they start learning it here in kinder and pre prep and then in prep they do it more seriously with nekudos etc but I don't think they have to know all their alef beis to go to prep.

chani8

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 4:15 am

Another mom of twins here. I have identical twins, one with ADD/mild CP. They were in gan together but then I had to split them up. The one got held back to be put in special ed class (because they didn't have a special ed class for her age in the area), and we also had to switch schools for that reason.

Then in 7th and 8th grade they started going to the same school. It was horrible, but has gotten a little bit better, but only a little bit. The one with the problems is noticeably smaller than her twin, and in the grade under, and isn't as socially graceful. According to her twin, she is an embarrassment. But to others, she is sweet and they look out for her. To her twin she's a bother and a tag along. Now the one with problems has become self-conscious and told me yesterday that she hates school and just makes a fool of herself by going there.

I am separating them again for next year. It was a disaster for their relationship, and horrible for the one's middos, and a terrible trampling on the other one's self-esteem.

drumjj

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 6:48 am

being a twin , I have to agree I think you have to talk to the teacher and be on top of what is going on, and I also think its awful to seperate the year groups, it will make the younger one feel inadequate to her sister her whole life. and if she needs some extra help then pay for it of she qualifies for special ed, can she not have that while staying in the same class.
I think its extremely important to be on top of your kids all the time and speaking to the teacher about things.

momx6

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 11:29 am

op here,
Thanks for all the advice. I will not separate them, If I have to I will hold one back, so she'll repeat kindergarten too.
The morah hasnt said anything to me, and at this point I would think that she would have. No???
Socially they are both doing fine (except shy with the teachers-this is their first school experience!).
Does a 4 yr old really have to know all the aleph bais and sounds by the time they get to pre 1a?
tia

Lizie22

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 1:07 pm

I have a twin sister and we were in a similar situation many years ago (we are 30 now). She was just a little slower to learn and the school wanted her to repeat 1st grade. My parents refused and hired her a private tutor instead to come a few days a week after school to give her some extra help. I am not sure if that is an option for you, but it worked out very well for my sister. By the way, she ended up graduating college with honors and a higher GPA than me :)

Chayalle

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 1:32 pm

momx5 wrote:

Where are you located? In Lakewood, I would say yes don't put a child who doesn't know aleph bais into primary. They would get lost.

My MIL A"H was a twin, and was put a grade behind her sister. Don't do it if you can avoid it! It affected her for life.

elkie

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 2:54 pm

I think we are in a very similar situation. My twin girls are grade older than yours. They came to pre 1A with a little knowledge of the aleph bais. This is their first year in school. One twin is academically higher. She gets faster than the other. First month the teacher was reviewing all aleph bais and then started with nekudos. Anyway, right away I got calls from the teacher, that one of the twins is not progressing, if I would be interested to held her back. I started to worry about it. I didn't want them to be on a different level, classes, etc. Especially they are very close and best friends. I started to speak with different teachers how to deal with this. I got lots of ideas about different games, like chocolate chips next to the letter. You get to eat if you answer... etc... We are really working hard with her. I also found a kriah tutor. And she said, that my daughter just needs more practice... So lately she became much better. And knows all her aleph bais, and nikudos... Keep practicing. And no, please don't separate them.

momx6

Wed, Apr 18 2012, 5:21 pm

thank you elkie, I will try some games (I am a special ed teacher btw) so I really have to make it my business to practice with her more. I just dont have the time, working full time and all. Oh well - I know its not an excuse!