Would you have gone to dinner with him?

amother

Fri, May 25 2012, 2:04 pm

those saying that in the old days people would not talk to strangers, that's actually not true. in the old days there was less fear about asking a "stranger" (I.e young lady) out to dinner with him, even in the Jewish (secular) world. on the street or at social settings a man might start conversation with a woman and if attracted to her he might have invited her out with him. if there was an attraction within a very short time they might/probably would have got married
in our grandparents generation, and I'm not talking even religiously but simply socially and culturally, there was more of a regimented sense of etiquette and conduct expected from a man to a woman. if he didn't follow this he would lose the woman he liked. a woman would have been less afraid to go to dinner with a "strange" man, assuming that she wants to go and is attracted to him and doesn't feel any negative vibes from him at the time of meeting
back then people didn't "date" in a non serious way, just for the sake of it, if the relationship was not leading anywhere, even in non frum circles, marriage was convention
it's only now because times have changed so much and there is so much exploitation, that a woman has to be on her guard more. it's very sad, because back then people met very easily, now it's become very hard to meet.

Tablepoetry

Mon, May 28 2012, 3:40 am

Yes. When I was 18 there were no cellphones. I would have waited an hour for friends, probably. There weren't many Jews where I lived either, so if someone obviously Jewish would have asked me out? If I liked him, and he seemed normal? Yes, of course. I would have been shy but I think I would have agreed. Probably for coffee and not for dinner though. And anyway, we didn't really go out for 'dinner' at that age.

I agree with what a pp said about previous generations. Look back at your parents/grandparents. Probably many many of them met up randomly, yes, even on the streets or the bus or at the library or in line at the kiosk.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, May 28 2012, 4:38 am

I once waited for a guy for a date in front of the restaurant we were going to go to. Neither one of us had cell phones back then. I waited a good 20 minutes and thank G-d he finally showed up (his train was delayed) but I would have left after 30 minutes.
Who waits 2 hours for someone? I know that I would never wait that long.

And, in terms of the question, I would only go anywhere public and after I had talked to the guy for a while to try to discern if he was remotely normal. Then I would decided.

Roots

Mon, May 28 2012, 11:52 am

nope (and I wouldnt wait 2 hrs for friends.. wheres ur cell?)
and btw, being handsome and wearing a kippa, does not mean he is a sraight/good/honest person.
and as we learn from red riding hood, dont talk to strangers Smile

, better safe than sorry

Isramom8

Mon, May 28 2012, 2:28 pm

As a senior in high school, I took a course at the local college. A non-Jewish classmate asked me to join him for coffee. I was like, no way. (But I turned him own politely.) He was insulted because he thought that I turned him down for being an Arab. But I explained that I would say no to a Jewish boy too.

Guess I was just a goody goody BY gal. Well, not frummie enough not to get asked out by a non-Jewish guy. Wink

By the way, my menahelet encouraged me to take that college course.