Punishment fitting the crime...

mumztheword

Tue, Dec 19 2006, 10:02 pm

I've always believed that the punishment should fit the crime...
So, here are my suggestions. If you have any, please feel free to add, discuss or dismiss. Thanx!

Kicking - shoes off
Biting - s/thing bitter in their mouth
Taking w/o permission - take it away from them (for how long?)
Hitting - any suggestions?
Chutzpah - any suggestions?
Not listening (get undressed, clean the room etc) - ?????

ruthla

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 7:12 pm

I don't think children should ever be "punished." Yes, there need to be consequences when they don't do the right thing, but I don't think it should be done in a punitive way.

The point of discipline is to teach children the right way to act. The point of punishment is to make somebody feel bad. IMO, it's better to teach kids the RIGHT thing to do, and when they make mistakes, gently point that out and show them the right thing to do, rather than intentionally trying to make a child feel bad. When kids feel bad, they act up even more. When they feel good, they act good.

I try to have "natural and logical consequences" for things kids do. If they leave a toy outside, and it gets rained on and ruined, that's a natural consequence. It's something that just happens as a result of their actions. Logical consequences are when you impose something that won't happen all by itself. An example would be taking away toys that are left on the floor, or that a child throws around the room.

I don't think that putting something bitter into a child's mouth is EVER a good idea. All that really teaches is "Mommy is mean."

When a child speaks to me disrespectfully, I'll say "excuse me? I didn't hear you. Say it again in a nice voice" or some variation of that.

If a child hits, bites, or kicks, I'll look the child right in the eyes and firmly say "we don't hit (or bite or kick.) Hitting hurts."

Usually there's an underlying reason when a child gets violent. They're hungry, tired, overstimulated, or need more attention. Often the best thing to do is to deal with the underlying need: food, drink, sleep, or some quiet time away from whatever it was that was too much to handle.

If they're not listening when you ask them to get dressed or clean up, then you need to ask yourself if your expectations are realistic. Maybe the child needs help with the task. Specifically with cleaning up, kids often need a lot of direction. "clean up" is pretty vague. "Put the books in the book basket. OK, now put the leggos in the leggo basket. Put your shoes on the shelf. OK, now see the other shoe over there in the corner under the blanket? Go put that shoe next to its mate on the shelf." etc etc.

amother

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 11:05 pm

punishemtns do NOT WORK. why not ask what are positive things to do to help STOP those behaviors?

kicking, hitting- teaching ways we can use our hands, go to a seperate place to relax, talk to an adult when something is bothering us

chutzpa- asking your child what bothers them and helping the come up ways that they can say the same thing in a repectful tone.

not listening- making a mitzvah chart and every time they listen when its very hard they go up the ladder and when its really hard and they listen anyways, they go up two steps and when they reach the top they get a prize.

making sure to find a least some time every day to tell them how much you love them, do something they like and talk to them about thier day and give hugs and kisses.

make an outing once a month with each child to make them feel special.

these are ways to help behavior and make a child feel loved and special and helps them listen better and be happier better behaved kids!

happymom

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 11:06 pm

I didnt mean to write that anonymous one more thing instead of telling a child what NOT to do or what we DONT want them to do, we should say what they should do or what we want them to do. that helps them listen better.

so instead of saying no running! (and then feeling the need to punish) you can say, show me how you can walk nicely. instead of yelling, no pouring water on the floor! we can say, lets find a better place wehre its OK to poor water, like in the sink or bath.......