What makes a great shabbos table?

imasinger

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 7:32 am

We are trying to improve ours -- often, kids complain of boredom, or resist coming for kiddush. I have a plan, but am also looking for more ideas. Talk to me about favorite foods (especially when everyone has a different favorite), singing, conversation, divrei Torah, guests, and anything else. Thanks!

TranquilityAndPeace

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 8:00 am

We give official "break time" where the kids can go play about 2 or 3 times throughout the meal. Then we say break time is over, and the next course is served, or a song is sung.

I buy lots of treats. I try to find interesting and unusual treats, which is obviously getting harder as time goes by! This past week we had big containers of cotton candy. Each child got a nice chunk of cotton candy for singing or saying a dvar Torah. The kids get to choose the tune of the traditional zemiros and shiur hamaalos, and they get to choose their own song too, for which they get more treats.

On Friday nights, if the kids davened kabalas shabbos nicely (no talking in shul, staying in shul for all 45 minutes, etc), then they get to make their own Kiddush, and they love this.

Shopmiami49

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 8:51 am

TranquilityAndPeace wrote:

We also do this - very helpful! granted, I have younger kids so my ideas may not work for you (don't know the ages of your kids), but I also choose a child each week to help me prepare something that they like to serve at the Shabbos table - they LOVE that! It is so exciting for them. I assume that if your kids are old enough, you can have them choose which dishes they want and either make them together with you or on their own.

How about reading a story or some sort of hands-on Hilchos Shabbos book? We are about to start with this and I really hope it works!

I find that with guests, it goes either way. Either my kids are totally not interested in the seuda and just want to play with their friends, or it is more exciting and they will stay at the table. I guess it depends on the kids.

What is your plan? I'd love to hear!

imasinger

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 9:28 am

Well, it was very much in line with your suggestion. We have 4 kids, and I made 4 categories -- main course, dessert, decoration, and d'var torah/zemiros/conversation. We chose the categories based on family discussion. Each week, one child will be responsible for choosing in one category, and helping in that same category. It will rotate. In order to get everyone to buy in, I will allow them to trade responsibilities at will in the beginning, as my teenage son doesn't really want to decorate, and my 10 year old daughter is shy about divrei torah, even just with family, and even just if it's choosing a story for someone else to read. Once we have some success, I hope to get a full rotation.

Obviously, the level of help will be different depending on the age of the child, but hopefully, all will be glad to participate and share. I'll let you know how it works.

T&P, I like the idea of scheduled breaks. I think we'll include that!

black sheep

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 9:35 am

I find that when non-serious discussion is encouraged, and the kids can goof around and make silly jokes and everyone laughs and giggles, there is no effort needed to keep everyone at the table, they just love being there. when we try to keep the conversation "sabbosdik" the kids bore easily and end up leaving after the fish. so we try to encourage divrei torah, and at the same time allow frivolity. (its a different generation.......)

HooRYou

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 8:42 pm

Shopmiami49 wrote:

How about reading a story or some sort of hands-on Hilchos Shabbos book? We are about to start with this and I really hope it works!

Which Hilchos Shabbos book do you find hands-on. I am looking for books like that and also ones that spark discussion, like having to come up with a kaf zechus from the Other Side of the Story. I was at someone's house once where they read a book with complicated scenarios and you had to guess the halachic implications, but I don't remember the title (it was a Hebrew book). Does anyone know of a book like that?

lamplighter

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 8:59 pm

In my parents home, each of us had a course we were involved in and it was a source of pride. We also read our shabbos notes, or read our dvar torahs (don't they get these from school). My father also asked parsha questions and there were treats for that. I do remember leaving the table and being called back for the next course.
I think the most important thing is that it should be enjoyable and not forced. If a kid doesn't like to share a dvar torah so then they shouldn't etc. It gets hard when you have kids in a large age range. Some kids will be bored and some involved. Honestly, it's best to move the meal fast so it doesn't drag much. The shmoozing with the guests can be over dessert.

imasinger

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 1:39 pm

lamplighter wrote:

EXACTLY what I have been saying to DH! Can you come over and chime in? Smile