Musical beds | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Musical beds

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amother

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 10:36 pm

Help!
My kids won't stay in their beds. All night long they run around trying to climb into our beds, and we're too tired to keep them in theirs. We leave the Shabbos lamp on for them as a nightlight, but they won't stay in bed until they fall asleep unless we sit with them (they're scared and come running out of bed). So, each time they wake in the middle of the night, we either have to repeat this scenario (sitting with them till they fall asleep) or give in due to exhaustion and let them sleep in our beds. Help, help, help!

de_goldy

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 10:40 pm

How old are the kids?

amother

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 11:27 pm

Between 3-8.

bamamama

Sun, Jun 03 2012, 11:47 pm

At our house we pretty much live by "if you can't beat em, join em." We have our beds arranged so they all accommodate multiple people. Enjoy it. They won't want in a few years.

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 12:29 pm

Get a lock, maybe, if you are too tired to deal with it at night.

bamamama

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 11:59 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Get a lock, maybe, if you are too tired to deal with it at night.

This seems unduly cruel.

hadasa

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 1:03 am

With a lock you will just have your kids banging on the door.
First of all, you need to be CONSISTENT. You can't let them come into your beds one night and not the next. So you have to decide. If you are not ready to spend a number of sleepless nights consistently training them to stay in bed, then just give up and let them come to you. (That's what we're doing at the present time Wink

.) But if you are ready to invest time and effort in this project, then first you need to make an announcement that from now on, everyone has to sleep in his own bed. Then, when they wake up at night, you gently but firmly lead them back to their own beds. In the beginning, sit with them until they fall back asleep. Then gradually start leaving them for a minute or two, then five, then ten, coming back at intervals until they learn to fall asleep on their own. You can promise them a prize for staying in bed while you're gone.

This is more or less what worked for me in the past. Those kids are bigger now. With the current little ones I can't be bothered, so I just let them in. They'll grow out of it eventually.

hadasa

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 1:03 am

Del

Last edited by hadasa on Tue, Jun 05 2012, 4:37 am; edited 1 time in total

hadasa

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 1:04 am

Del

Last edited by hadasa on Tue, Jun 05 2012, 4:41 am; edited 1 time in total

cinnamon

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 2:27 am

What worked well for us is putting a matress on the floor next to our beds. Whoever wants to be close to mommy and aba at night is welcome to bring their pillow and blanket and sleep on the matress.

amother

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 11:20 am

Cinnamon,
I like that idea, but I think it would probably erupt into a big fight in the middle of the night with who's arms or knees are in who's sides, etc. (one mattress)
I think I'm pretty much at the inconsistent, beginning of night enforcing of staying in bed, mid-end of night letting them climb in. I need to figure out when I'm ready to enforce it fully with some sleepless nights.
Question is, do I do this while school is in session (when I have time to recuperate) and risk their having fitful nights sleep of waking several times afraid or do I do this before camp starts when I'll be more exhausted?

Ruchel

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 11:44 am

bamamama wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

Get a lock, maybe, if you are too tired to deal with it at night.

This seems unduly cruel.

I would do that if the kids didn't understand about knocking. You have to, if only to change and all. It's not a right to enter the parents' bedroom without notice.
I don't see the cruelty in this, maybe I'm like ewa jo, too Euro Wink

bamamama

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 5:40 pm

Ruchel wrote:

bamamama wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

Get a lock, maybe, if you are too tired to deal with it at night.

This seems unduly cruel.

Leaving a three year old who has had a nightmare to bang and scream at a parents locked door isn't cruel?

Ruchel

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 5:50 pm

Why cruel? Are you meant to wake up and run to him (if he calls from bed) in 15 secs?
If no, then it's the same. You hear, you go open.
If it's cruel to not run at first noise, then closing door and in fact not co sleeping is cruel indeed. Not on my planet LOL

bamamama

Tue, Jun 05 2012, 11:41 pm

Ruchel wrote:

If you mean that the locked door would just serve as an additional barrier to the kids coming in, then I think I can agree. I can't agree with not opening the door to a distressed child, though.

gila-rina

Wed, Jun 06 2012, 12:12 am

I'm with hadasa. I made a little chart for my 3 year old. All he had to do was to go 3 nights without coming out of bed, not necesarrily 3 in a row. When he complited the chart he got a lolly. We're not done but it definitely helped. Also, he isn't having nightmares, he just wants company.

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