Teachers end of year expectations

elaela

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 8:55 am

Im a chol teacher and I expect NOTHING. No mishloach manot, not channukah card, no bday note, no end of term-thank you-message NOTHING.
if some child or parents decide to send a presend or a note it makes me happy, but it does NOT make me unahppy if they dont.
If a child brings a chanukka card and all the other kids feel a bit ashamed because they didnt I make sure to emphasise the point that this card makes me just as happy as the fact that I can see all the sweet ' faces every morning (my pupils are young and most of them are dependant on their parents help when it comes to writing notes, wrapping gifts- why should I make a kid feel bad, just becuase his/her parents didnt help him/her?). I say thank you to the giver and thank you to all the other kids aswell. I always point out that giving gifts/notes is a nice gesture but it is NOT necessary. Being kind/resperctful to each other is far more important. This being said, most kids start writing thank you cards as soon as they can do it by themselves, if the enjoy the classes. Even throughout the year, with no special circumstances, stam asoy.

Tablepoetry

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 9:00 am

amother wrote:

I'm wondering of those who don't write or give, would you be willing to tell why you don't?Is it an oversight, preoccupation with other responsibilities, concern of inability to give properly, or a difference of opinion as to whether it needs to be given in the first place?
I think for me it's the second and third, mostly.

Why don't I give? It's cultural. I'm in Israel, in the public school system. No one gives. In gan, all the parents collect some money to buy communal gifts and one parent writes sentimental, saccharine poems dedicated to the gannenet, the assistant, the music teacher, etc.

This communal gift buying sometimes continues to grade 1/2, but not beyond. In high school, the kids themselves sometimes arrange a communal gift for a favorite teacher (a bouquet of flowers, often) - but definitely not for all their teachers, and definitely not individually.

So I'm with Ruchel on this one. The whole concept is alien to me.

morah

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 9:08 am

amother wrote:

Morah
It was not meant to offend you or anyone else. For that, I'm sorry.
I work in the health care field, and what I meant was that, though, a thanks is nice, I wouldn't expect anything above my paid salary. I understand your taking offense, though.
Truthfully, I'm asking, because it bothers me that I didn't do more, and yet, with all that I did do, it seems that it's becoming a burden with the expectations, rather than something I'd choose to do from the heart because I wanted to. This complaining makes me feel compelled for the wrong reasons, and that irritates me.
But, again, I am sorry that the way I said it was rude. Forgive me!

Forgiven. I do think anyone who provides a "paid service", especially one that is not particularly easy, deserves a thank-you even though they are also getting money. We all know teachers aren't exactly in it for the money anyway Smile

But teaching isn't just difficult because of all the work that goes in it- there's a huge emotional investment too. We care about your kids and we want them to be happy and successful just like you do. Again, I hate the gifts, because it's unfair to ask parents to shell out more than they already do. But yes, an expression of thanks is appropriate. It doesn't have to Shakespeare, just sincere Smile

I teach HS, so I mostly get thanks from the students, but it's nice when parents take a minute to do so as well.

tsiggelle

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 9:55 am

amother wrote:

Thanks Morah
I do want to say one thing, maybe on behalf of myself, maybe on behalf of others.
Though I may not write the most eloquent note,or any at all, know, that I could not do for my children what you do for them. The task is too daunting.
Believe it or not, we will miss you teaching our children. We got to know you, and like you, and trust you.
When our kids come home repeating what they learned from you, this is the greatest gift.

that is an excellent thank you note.

Barbara

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 10:16 am

amother wrote:

I just read a letter to the editor in last weeks Flatbush journal where a teacher lamented the fact that she invested long hours educating without so much as a gift or a thank you note.
Although we traditionally give both, something about this letter bothered me.
Nowadays, children have numerous teachers, not including extra curricular educators. Multiply those by half a dozen kids and you're talking countless notes, gifts (even minor ones), and debt.
I doubt public school teachers walk around offended that their students families didn't give a thank you note, so why yeshiva educators?
I understand that this letter is from one person, but it just seems like it's the popular opinion.
We, as a community, are paying more money than we can afford to, helping our kids with double the homework load that public school kids are assigned. I think it's presumptuous to complain about this.
Why not put the focus back on the child and say "I'm so glad I had an opportunity to educate your child"?

Dear Morah:

I know that the Class Rep asked for notes from the students, to accompany a gift to you. I didn't provide a note. Why? Well, those nasty little snide comments that you made to my son, suggesting that he was stupid? Yeah, he told me all about them. And contrary to your assumptions, he understood just fine what you were saying. Did you know that 4 parents in the class went to the principal and told him that if he assigned their younger kids to you, they'd pull all of their kids out of the school? One of those parents was one of your colleagues, a fellow teacher.

Just a thought as to why NO ONE wrote notes, if its expected at a particular school. (And a true story.)

BTW, we usually express thanks to the teachers at conferences. If I write a note, its to the principal, cc to the teacher, about extraordinary work.

mummiedearest

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 10:26 am

Barbara wrote:

amother wrote:

LOL! I wanted to send that note. instead, I took pics of my ds with each of his teachers at his preschool graduation, and sent them each a copy in a photo keychain with a thank you note on the back. I couldn't thank two teachers and not the others...

lamplighter

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 10:33 am

I think a note is basic mentchlichkeit and no not every art, gym and music teacher needs one unless your child had a specific experience there (although it would be nice).
Everyone here and in countless other threads have mentioned that a gift is not the point, a thank you is.
I wouldn't compare the chinuch of our children, and the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual safety and growth involved to be a "paid service".
If you want to bring up public schools, there they do get thank you cards, and they are being paid way more appropriately for their time, effort and talents.
That teacher who wrote the letter is probably being paid very late and very little. She probably invested all her kochos into these children and these thank yous make it worth it.
I want to mention another point, that those of you who have taught will relate to. After the school year there is this emptiness of missing your students and the experiences you shared and wonderment about the whole year, did you do well enough? Could you have improved? Maybe you should of tried harder with Chani.. etc. These thank you notes are heartwarming and bring positive closure for the teacher.

seeker

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 10:55 am

amother wrote:

So if that's the way you feel, why not tell it to the teacher to whom it will actually be meaningful?

To the amother who said she works in the medical field and doesn't expect anything, I think thanks tend to be in proportion to what you do for the individual. In medical offices where most people are in and out maybe a few times a year for a checkup or throat culture, yes, you don't often see more than the verbal "thanks" on the way out. But definitely in contexts where there is more interaction between the patients and professionals, you see bulletin boards PLASTERED with thank you notes (think obstetricians, cancer wards, doctors who treat chronic conditions...) I think if you care for someone over and over and over through months of an illness or treatment and they just walk out the door in the end without a word, you wouldn't go running after them asking for anything but you'd probably feel something missing.

What Barbara said I think applies to a small minority and if there's an epidemic of missing thanks, I doubt that the problem is an epidemic of bad teachers. I sure hope I'm not one, and I teach special ed so by necessity I have a more personal interaction with each student and have to put extra thought into each one, yet I never received any thanks from anyone - not Chanukah time, not Purim time, not the end of the year, not a note, not a phone call. The most I get is IF they remember, they'll say thanks before hanging up the phone when we've been talking about some issue during the year. I would like to assume that it's not me because the admin tell me that both parents and students have specifically requested to have me work with them again, they care enough to ask for what they want but apparently not enough to appreciate when they get it. I'm not criticizing any individual, I don't know what's going on at home or whatever, but the fact that it's every kid every year smells like a communal middos problem.

The last time I received any thanks of any sort was about five years ago, in the form of mishloach manos. It was touching just to be remembered/thought of. Especially since the parent didn't speak English very well so we didn't have as much interaction as usual.

amother

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 11:15 am

I happen to agree with the line about it being a paid service. As an attorney, I often think about the issues my clients are facing when I should be sleeping for example.

Some clients give thanks. Some don't. I appreciate those that do. I have a whole display of those that expressed their gratitude.

It is not a matter of right; nor should it be an expectation to get a thank you because then it is rout and meaningless like when I thank someone for paying for my services.

That being said, I give checks to the teachers. I do it because I want to. I would never give if this was an expectation.

Barbara

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 11:40 am

willow wrote:

As Barbara wrote so eloquently I always have written a note and given a token gift. This yr the teacher did not like my dd and had all these snide/sly comments (for example in the purim party "class right dd costume ears don't look like a rabbit"). So I don't really feel like thanking her for making my dd cry and feel unliked.

Why do teachers do that? And what do we do as parents when it happens?

DS' English teacher did something at the end of this year deliberately intended to humiliate him. DS is the kind of kid who let it roll off him, but I'm fuming. Do I tell the school and make myself into more of the "problem parent" than I already am? Or just be grateful the year is over?

seeker

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 11:46 am

I would tell the principal. I had teachers like that as a kid, I don't know if telling the principal actually accomplishes anything but it's the least you can do, because the kids are so defenseless at least there should be some way to make it known. Maybe nothing will happen if you complain, but then if one kid is really getting bullied, and doesn't take it as well as yours, when their parents complain the principals will be more likely to take it seriously if there's a record of problems with the teacher.

I don't think a letter to the editor complaining of a general lack of appreciation constitutes an "expectation" that would make me feel put-upon. The kind of expectation that would turn me off is the letters that go out before purim saying "everyone has to contribute xyz towards a purim gift for the teacher, secretary, bus driver, and bookkeeper." THAT's called an expectation, when they tell you personally and specifically what to do. An appeal for general appreciation awareness is not "expectation," it's mussar; if it doesn't apply to you because you already tune in to expressing appreciation when due, then ignore and move on with your life. If you're one of those people who sends your kid off on the bus and never thinks again about what goes on all day, then maybe this will help you become more aware that people deserve recognition. I doubt it will make enough of an impression on those who really need it, but hey, who knows.

OutATowner

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 12:01 pm

I am an extra curricular teacher. I worked VERY hard this year. A few parents gave me a thank you card (one with homemade cookies and one with a little thing of soap) Chanuka time and I appreciated it SO much. The card would have been 100% enough. I felt appreciated and it really got me through some rough moments when I felt like I was overwhelmed with the job. Yes, I got paid, but the simple acknowledgement made me want to put my all into it.
You don't have to buy anything. A simple note will suffice.
Teachers put their heart into a job, it's not just spitting out information and marking tests. Investing emotional energy into a living being is different than a 9-5 office job (which also deserves a thank you!)

amother

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 12:10 pm

OutATowner wrote:

Lawyers also can put their hearts into their job. I have held the hand of ladies getting a divorce, a widow having to write a check for the first time, parents trying to adopt, children facing the death of a parent.

I think I can state with 100% certainty, I put others welfare before my own time and time again. Most times I was paid; but I have done pro bono without thanks.

Thanks should never be expected then it is meaningless. It is not from the heart.

morah

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 12:14 pm

Barbara wrote:

willow wrote:

Standing up for your child does not make you a problem parents. The problem parents are the ones who call to complain that you didn't give their kid an A, or intervening in things the child shoud be dealing with themselves. Your situation sounds like an excellent reason to contact this teacher's superior's- department head or principal.

willow

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 12:42 pm

Barbara my problem is language barrier. I have called and said what needs to be said but it is quite ineffective when it sounds like a foreigners broken speech. In addition I have never been able to really express what it is she does and how if effect my dd properly. This coming year I swore to myself I would have a advocate call for me. I am not going to let my dd fall to the wayside and not have a good yr again because of my inability to explain myself. I hope I can keep to this promise because I have been wracked with guilt that I did not help my dd this yr.
As a quieter ppl pleader this is quite a task for myself but I am committed.

amother

Sun, Jul 01 2012, 12:45 pm

don't doubt its a more popular opinoin among teachers who dont have a bunch of their own children in schools. Why cant the thank you notes and stuff Purim time be enough? Why don't all the teachers make end of the year calls to give feedback and then can have thanks easily expressed to them?

Its the end of June! People are busy transitioning.

For just 3 children we have 9 teachers, 5 therapists and tutors. Theres getting medical forms for camp. Shopping and packing for the camp/ bungalow colonies. Lining up therapy for next year schedules. Studying for finals. And dont forget most mothers work at least part time jobs.

Sitting down to write 14 non generic notes is not #1 on my to do list even though I appreciate everything. I try to let my thank you's be known - chanuka, purim and when I speak to teachers in person.

It is a shame the teacher who wrote the letter stands so much on that formality and feels underappreciated even though I doubt that is the case.,