Trying to set some goals

amother

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 10:54 am

We live in a small walk-up rental apartment with one baby. Although #2 is not on the radar yet, we are going to have to move before a second baby is on the scene. I picture this happening in 1-1.5 years or so. If we're going to move to a bigger and thus more expensive dwelling, we might as well buy rather than pay a higher rent. I told DH that it's time to start thinking about home-ownership goals- do we want to stay where we are or look at other communities, what do houses cost in those communities, and how much do we want to save. DH refuses to have this discussion. He thinks we can just buy a house when the time comes (we have a significant amount of money from wedding gifts, a smaller but not insignificant amount of our own savings, and his grandmother has a nice sum set aside for him for exactly this purpose). He's not entirely wrong- we could theoretically buy a home on the cheaper end of where we are now tomorrow, as we have the money- but if we want something a little nicer, we could start putting away more than we have been until now. Also, I really don't want to wait until I'm 8 months pregnant and have all that stress and possibly make a hasty and ill-informed decision as a result. We know we're going to buy in the next year and a half or so, and while I think it would be silly to actually look at houses right now, I see no reason why we can't start thinking about what we want in a house, where we want to live, what the houses we want typically go for in the communities we are considering etc. DH refuses to talk about any of these things until it's "actually relevant" (which means me being pregnant again). How can I convince him that it IS relevant already?

smss

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 11:55 am

Question.

Do you keep on trying to ask and he NEVER wants to talk about it? Or you brought it up once and that was how he reacted?

Sometimes it's just not a good time and/or that was just his instinctive reaction...but if you try again at a calm time and tell him you were thinking about it more and you really feel like you want to start making some plans already and are nervous about waiting, etc. etc., you might get a better response...

amother

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 12:05 pm

I've brought it up 3 times in the last month. We recently mutually decided that we're going to start trying for another baby at the end of the summer (I recently started a new job and want to be eligible for FMLA, so the plan is not to have a baby earlier than one year on the job). I first brought it up during that discussion, and he said let's wait until you're pregnant. I chewed that over for like 2 weeks and decided that I don't think it's wise to wait until that point and brought it up again, twice, not in the same week. His answer remains the same, that it's irrelevant until I'm actually pregnant.