Baby Registry? I dread gifts!

amother

Tue, Aug 07 2012, 1:11 pm

I have a very specific taste, and ideas of what I need. I am very picky about the way things look and feel and what they are made of. I also hate having extra useless stuff in my house.
I know my friends and relatives will not buy me the kind of stuff I like unless I tell them.
This is my first baby, and iy"h I will have this baby supplies for my subsequent babies, so I want it to be the right kind of stuff that I will enjoy using for many years.
Few things I want are a bit more pricy than regular - I only want extra soft, natural materials. I think it is a worthwhile investment.

But...
Baby registry takes the fun out of picking gifts
It makes it less personal
Some people will feel pressured to spend more money than they planned
I am afraid some older relatives of my DH might get insulted (but it's their gifts I dread the most because they also have very specific ideas of what they think babies need)
I don't know how to tell people I have a registry since it's not a common thing around here...

spring13

Tue, Aug 07 2012, 1:42 pm

Instead of a registry, make an Amazon wishlist - it's a little less intense, and it's accessible to anyone anywhere (I mean people can shop from there easily). You can connect things from other websites to there too. if people ask, say that you posted certain specific items that you chose after research (ie: a stroller), and also some (especially clothing) that show your taste rather than an individual garment that you absolutely need.

For major items that will be used often for more than one child, you have every right to say you want X item but not Y. For lifestyle-related items (things that someone might tell you are essential/totally unnecessary while you think the opposite), you should also be ok with saying whether or not an item is wanted - without necessarily explaining why either.

When it comes to things like clothes, it's harder; people don't always realize that their taste isn't universal, and those ones are the most likely to get offended if you don't gush and then use the item all the time. If something comes with a gift receipt, and you want to return/exchange it, go ahead. If it doesn't, be prepared to either take a photo of baby in X and then immediately hide it on top of the closet, or to come up with creative reasons why you're not using it constantly - "polyester gives her a rash, it's so annoying!" "she pooped all over it and I couldn't get the stain out, I'm so disappointed!". You don't have to put something into constant use just because it was given to you.

Also, if someone asks what you want/need, be honest with them. sometimes I felt bad being specific b/c I worry that I'm seeming grabby, but hey, they asked! Better to be precise and then be truly grateful b/c you got something you really like. Have enough of a variety of stuff on your list so that people can choose the type and price range they're prepared to spend.

amother

Tue, Aug 07 2012, 2:07 pm

If you seem grabby or difficult, I just won't get around to getting you a present.

I get gifts because it gives me pleasure not because I work for you.

Be gracious. Not everyone knows amazon. I would not ask someone the favor to find out exactly what you want. You are not entitled to an expectancy. You could general guidelines. If my taste is not good enough for you, then neither is my money. Baby clothes are not china patterns.

Delores

Tue, Aug 07 2012, 2:23 pm

amother wrote:

Be gracious. Not everyone knows amazon. I would not ask someone the favor to find out exactly what you want. You are not entitled to an expectancy. You could general guidelines. If my taste is not good enough for you, then neither is my money. Baby clothes are not china patterns.

I agree with the general statement made here. I would add that you can often return and exchange items and that you probably could specify things from people you are very close to. My mom wants to get me things I'll use so I can tell her exact things. I have an uncle who always gets the nastiest things. I love him very much and am always grateful however his presents get returned or given to charity (never re-gifted).

syrima

Tue, Aug 07 2012, 3:27 pm

you can try with a registry and whoever wants to can chip in with s/o else for a big item or just get a gift card. but I would advise you that there will just be a percentage of things that you don't use (wrong size, season, etc) which you will keep in your closet and regift as necessary.
And once you have a baby, you will be happy not to have to run out and buy another baby gift!
ps- Anybody want an acrylic tan plaid baby blanket? It is a few years old, never used....

amother

Tue, Aug 07 2012, 4:15 pm

spring13 wrote:

not that everyone can expect everyone to have exactly the right taste and get exactly what they want, but I thought that one gives gifts TO someone, not FOR oneself. not even CONSIDERING what the person you're giving to would want/need isn't really in the spirit of the process.

I do consider what the baby would need and what the mother would want; but I do it within reason. I have my own family and my own responsibilities. I get gifts and fit them within the framework of my day.

I won't bother anyone to go on Amazon. I won't go search out a certain type of textile. If I come across it fine. Remember your gift is already two errands - one to pick up the gift and another to deliver. I give several baby gifts each month. I don't have time for the recipients mishagas.

I am not in the business of exchanging it for you. I include a gift receipt. I put my thought and time and money into the present. If you don't like the quality, tough. I am not buying your baby better than I buy my own.

I would rather just not buy you anything if it gets too difficult.