Fibbing about due date

chayak

Fri, Aug 31 2012, 4:25 pm

Why would you fib about it? Ayin harah isn't to be taken lightly...given that twins do often get born early, I wouldn't want to add to that risk. If it isn't your first pregnancy, if someone commens, you can give a sheepish grin and mak reference to growing larger with each pregnancy, your stomach muscles aren't as strong etc...

cbsmommy

Fri, Aug 31 2012, 4:31 pm

Honestly, I was 2 weeks overdue with DD #1 and #2 wasn't exactly "timely" either. After the experience wtih #1, Melbee gave me the following great advice: tell people you are due sometime in the x season.

"I'm due in the summer", "In the spring" or "I'm due around the Yomim Noraim" when they say "When exactly?" you say "Who knows? I'm due whenever I go into labor!"

merelyme

Sat, Sep 01 2012, 2:54 pm

amother wrote:

Why in the world would you lie about such a thing? Isn't your character and honesty more important than the fact you are having twins which is nothing to be ashamed of? I would not want to be friends with someone so manipulating.

Having twins is nothing to be ashamed of, but it's no one else's business.

This post is improper use of the amother feature.

shalhevet

Sat, Sep 01 2012, 3:10 pm

Why do you have to answer? Just say something like cbs suggested - oh, Hashem knows the date when I'll give birth, or I've still got a while to go.

I never told anyone my due date, for various reasons. It's really no one's business.

About saying earlier - words have power and saying something gives it reality. It could make it reality and mean you give birth prematurely, ch"v.

amother

Sat, Sep 01 2012, 8:53 pm

amother wrote:

It's not necessarily about shame, and maybe you should open your mind a bit before deciding that you wouldn't be friends with someone who for whatever reason didn't want to share info with you that isn't really your business anyway. I have a relative who suffered a late-term loss of twins. Then she got pregnant with twins again, and decided to keep it a secret. Not even her parents knew it was twins. Yes, she lied when people asked if she was carrying one or two. It was a big happy surprise for all of us when she gave birth to two healthy babies b'h, especially after all she went through. At the party (not saying if it was a bris or a kiddush Wink

), the husband spoke and apologized for all the months of lying about how many babies they were having, but he hoped everyone understood why they had done it.

Davida

Sat, Sep 01 2012, 9:59 pm

I never told people my exact due date because who gives birth on that day precisely? I did say beg, end or middle of month x. When I was due on the 31, I figured people would drive me crazy from the 20th so I said the first week of the next month. My sil always adds two weeks to her due date and my mil still didn't catch it so she always call me "can you imagine, he baby is 9 lbs and she's early?!". So I understand people not being too exact. What I don't understand is the intentional lying for nine months. You don't need to tell people you're having twins or when exactly you're due, but don't start making up lies and stories. It's one thing to "omit" the truth but to fabricate stories is another. Especially since a few months later, people will realize how many lies they were told and won't trust you again. Even if you are justified for not wanting to share everything, when one realizes you're such a "good lier", one can imagine you use these talents other times too.

seeker

Sat, Sep 01 2012, 10:02 pm

Never had twins but I always try to be vague about the due date, I think that could work for you and avoid having to actually tell an untruth. I think anyone who pries further after you give an obviously vague answer is a nosybody and doesn't deserve anything. So, answers like "in the Spring" should serve you well. Who besides your doctor needs to know if your EDD is "May 27th?"

amother

Sat, Sep 01 2012, 10:35 pm

Why would anyone give an EARLIER due date? Just because you're carrying twins doesn't mean you're going to give birth a month early. Both of my twin pregnancies went to term. My word, if I'd told people an earlier ETA they'd have made the last two months a living hell. You know people assume you add two weeks, so they deduct two weeks from whatever you tell them, and then the noodgering starts: "what, are you still around? what are you waiting for? shouldn't you have given birth by now? You do know it's not good to go too far past your due date, don't you? did you ask your doctor about it? are you sure you counted right?"

so what if you're big as a house and people are sure you're lying? serves them right for asking questions that are none of their business.

I tried to be vague,added two weeks because more than that would have been completely unbelievable, and talked a lot about how much I'd been fressing and how when I put on weight it all goes around my middle.

amother

Sun, Sep 02 2012, 1:03 am

amother wrote:

), the husband spoke and apologized for all the months of lying about how many babies they were having, but he hoped everyone understood why they had done it.

I have no problem with people keeping any info at all private. I don't pry. Give a vague date or refuse to answer if asked. I can respect this.

What is wrong with not wanting to be friends with someone who lies? I think the lying is the improper thing. I have a tremendous problem with liers. I find them manipulating. I don't need any friendships where I have to doubt the veracity of everything they are saying.

I was pregnant worth triplets and lost one. I also miscarried singletons. I understand about this pain. It is not worth my character and integrity to lie. Don't share; but don't lie.

Why is lying so acceptable in the frum community? Ironically, I never had these discussions in secular communities.

amother

Sun, Sep 02 2012, 1:04 am

amother wrote:

), the husband spoke and apologized for all the months of lying about how many babies they were having, but he hoped everyone understood why they had done it.

ewa-jo

Sun, Sep 02 2012, 1:20 am

amother wrote:

Why would I lie?

Because I wouldn't want everyone and their cousin and their aunt and their sheitel macher talking about it. Huge ayin hara.... especially twins.

Also, If I were carrying multiples, I would *NOT* want to hear all those stories about how dangerous it is to carry multiples and the sad story of what happened to cousin so-and-so who was carrying twins. Apart from my doctor, I don't want medical advice from anyone (and people already throw around enough opinions when you're just carrying one baby).

Imamother who values character and honesty... it's funny that you remained anonymous to say that. I will say obnoxious things online, but I will say it as myself. Smile

amother

Sun, Sep 02 2012, 1:36 am

ewa-jo wrote:

amother wrote:

It is ironic. I am a professional who at this point could be identified IRL if I used my SN and despising liars could affect my parnosa. Too many of my clients tell the stupidest lies and lack integrity.

In the past, I have been trounced on this site for being against fraud and dishonesty. I really will never understand this.

This Shabbos we had a big discussion about all the dishonesty in my community and how can we call ourselves religious and hold ourselves above. My husband had no answers.

I really have no interest in being friends with liers. So don't tell anyone you are having multiples. It is really that simple. When I know a person outside of work is a lier, everything they talk about going forward holds my interest as much as static on a radio.