Is something wrong with me?

bookworm10 ↓

Wed, Nov 14 2012, 11:14 pm

I feel like every day, watching my kids after school-babysitter is an endless time which is really hard. I find the 3-7 time almost torturous! My kids are cranky, they fight, and I feel like the minutes tick by when I should be enjoying them and spending precious hours with them.

I have 2 kids, 3 and 1 btw. And they do not play by themselves... they need me. My 3 year old can play by herself for hours but she fights with the 1 year old and doesnt let him touch anything.... its a mess. I should also mention that my husband doesnt come home until after they are asleep... and he works sundays too.

OMG!

Wed, Nov 14 2012, 11:22 pm

oh I so much understand you! I have the same going on. Dd comes home 3 and it's not easy to occupy her and my 19 month plus a newborn. I find that these hours are the hardest. That's why I serve them supper early cuz there's nothing to do until suppertime.. I sometimes feel like a real babysitter. And they are so bored of their toys already.. Does it pay to stock up with new toys?? I go crazy together with them... After 3:00 I literally push time. I keep looking at the clock and can't wait to put them to bed.. Maybe it is normal.. I don't know..

de_goldy

Thu, Nov 15 2012, 12:10 am

There are so many things to do. Go out! Go to the park. Go for a walk. Yes - even in the cold. Bundle them well. Go to the library. Make playdough. Make supper together with the kids - it takes longer but who cares? It keeps them entertained. Let your kid stand at the sink with the water on and a few kitchen utensils. They'll be happy for a while. So you have to change their clothes when they're done? Big deal! Make bath-time fun and long. Put in toys. Let the kids jump on the beds when they come out. Rice play. Paper and crayons and scissors. Read books. Sing. Dance. Chat. Play with soft balls.

curlgirl

Thu, Nov 15 2012, 1:47 am

It sounds like they might be tired.

Let them unwind, keep the 1 yr. old away from the 3 yr. old for a while and tell her that now it's quiet time.

Tell her to do something quietly (book, puzzle etc.) and tell her exactly what you'll be doing afterward (park? play-dough? lego? make it sound fun)

Make a schedule or order of events, it will really help you.

buzz

Thu, Nov 15 2012, 3:01 am

de_goldy wrote:

You sound like a relaxed, creative mother!

ray family

Thu, Nov 15 2012, 3:06 am

I don't think anything is wrong w/ you but I do think you need to find other ways to entertain- first of all get out!!!! unless it's raining or snowing there's no reason to be indoors. bundle up your kids and go to the park. we're at the park nearly every day- unless we're at the library, or @ a playdate, or food shopping (you get my drift) take your kids out on a nature walk. collect sticks and leaves. then go home and do an arts and crafts project- or do the project the next afternoon.
bake w your kids! my kids love baking. measure out the ingredients and let them dump the stuff in the bowl.
I hate play dough but my kids love it!
take out the blocks and legos play WITH your kids. don't expect them to be able to entertain themselves.

baba

Thu, Nov 15 2012, 4:10 am

There's nothing wrong with you.
Personally, I know I'm a better mom when I get me time.
I've had times when I was home with the kids all the time. I have 3, a 1 yo that's home all the time and a 3 and 6 yo that both come home at lunch time. I wish day care, kindergarten were longer here, but it just isnt. Anyway, I noticed that when I worked part time I just did much better. Even though it was so much more stressful with me running around getting the kids, somehow finding time to shop, cook etc, I still was a much better mom. I just appreciated the time I had with them so much more.

Now I'm working from home and I have a much much harder time. I have 1.5 hours each day where my son sleeps. In this time I should work. But I also want time where I can just rest, eat in peace, talk to a friend etc. Then it's already that time where all 3 come home. It's hard. I dont have a lot of patience and I keep thinking about all the work I should be doing.

Now my mil takes my son one morning a week so I have some alone time and my 2 oldest she takes one afternoon. It doesnt always happen and I really notice the difference in my week.

So my advice to you is find time for yourself. If you can afford it, get a babysitter for even only one afternoon a week and use that time just for you. Be it going out, meeting a friend or even just taking a bubble bath.
If you can afford it, and dont have family to help you out, maybe you can get a job. If it's something you enjoy doing, even just a little it might really help you.
Or maybe you have a friend in a similar situation where you could trade off, each taking eachother's kids for one afternoon, so you both get a break.

Hope it gets easier soon!

anonymom

Thu, Nov 15 2012, 6:38 am

ray family wrote:

One small thing to add. Going out in the rain and snow can be fun too.

ckk

Thu, Nov 15 2012, 4:40 pm

Im doing the exact same thing, waiting for the hours to past after 3. The difference is that I only have to wait until six to put them to sleep. True, they do wake up earlier but I find theyre in much better moods in the morning so I prefer an extra hour in the morning over an extra kvetching fighting crying hour after school. In the morning (5.30, 6 am) I feed them breakfast and then we cuddle on the couch in our pjs, I read storied, we talk, they watch a video etc.

↑ bookworm10

Sun, Dec 02 2012, 7:10 pm

Thank you everyone. I know, I should go out... but going out with them alone is SO hard! Sometimes we go food shopping... sometimes neighbors, but the thought of bundling up, going to the car, to the stroller, to the car.. etc just seems easier to stay home.
And I do play with them, and we cook supper... but still. It doesn't take up 4 hours. They are bored, as am I, and its really hard.

I am having a hard time with Sundays. My husband works.... and it seems like every other family is out together. Its lonely and I do go out, but its hard.
Sigh. I am really hoping it gets easier! I appreciate the empathy. Thank you. I just want to feel like I love being with my kids every second, and not counting down the minutes to bedtime.

llsl

Sun, Dec 02 2012, 7:20 pm

I have many days that I feel the same way and it is hard every mother wants to feel like they are a good parent and love spending time with the kids. my dh also works most sundays it is tough to always feel up to it

Realistically I found a few things that help me firstly everyone kids and adults must be well rested and go to sleep early it makes things so much easier and you and your kids have more patience.

Another thing is focus on looking for those cute moments otherwise you just focus on the time. so I try to tap in to the sweet moments and enjoy what we are doing this helps me go btwn really feeling a strong love for my kids between the glances at my watch and it makes a diff you gain from it

Still need more improvement and would also love to look forward to spending all the time in the world with my kids but when you work full time and then come home to another job to do by yourself even though it is your kids it is hard work it is like working 2 jobs with no breaks....good luck

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Dec 02 2012, 7:25 pm

Nobody loves being with anybody every second.

This isn't "babysitter" time it's life.

A playpen will cage the 1 year old and keep the 3 yr old away from her, perhaps. They you would lie on the rug reading to and playing with the 3 year old, right next to the play pen so the 1 yr old can see you and play too through its walls. Keep a clean blanket folded on the floor for the 3 yr old to nap on. That's when you read what you want to read. The crock pot has dinner ready and you are horizontal so it's better. You have a floor pillow to put your head on, and a lamp down there to read by. Hugs. You are doing great.