Chanukah cards teachers not appreciated....VENT

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amother

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 12:42 pm

It's just a big VENT but I also need to know if this is normal.
I " volunteered" for money off the give and get. My job call each parents of each classroom to write Chanukah cards for teachers. I did it last yr and took 1 months of begging, running after pp for the cards. This yr I was told 2 weeks before Chanukah and I've been working this yr.
I right away got to it and EVERY parents said NO, so I bought cards and wrote a nice something in everyone of them, albeit the fact it was a generic writing it was something very nice.
Well I got a call saying its not right- which really I understand, but then was told that teacher are going to complain about it being a generic writing. shock

really teachers are gonna waste time comparing cards ... That's very disturbing for me and yes I am also a teacher and I would not complain about having a generic writing in my card.
Honestly I'm really upset about this because it took time and efforts to write them go to store and pick an appropriate card, PAY PUT OF MY OWN POCKET for them ... Ad getting a talk down about it, really I thought they'd be happy with the amount of money they're getting and not play 3 yrs old and compare card and complain about them!!!

Now on this note is it too much to ask parents to write ONE %#^%*# card for their kids teacher. I even said I'd give the card to them. Is it too much to ask to take 5 min to write one!??? I know pp are busy and they are a lot of circumstances that I prob don't know and I understand but c'mon its not the end of the world to write one card saying thank you to a child's teacher.

Maybe it's me !? Pease tell me if I'm too naive for this world

LisaS

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 12:53 pm

Just feel good that you did the right thing and don't let people's complaints get to you. You will never please everyone.

But maybe the teachers complaints show that she/they are looking for more appreciation. Maybe something to mention to the parents who wouldn't take the time to contribute.

amother

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 1:11 pm

I know it's hard to be a teacher as I am he myself, but I would NEVER compare Chanukah cards, if I get Ny that is!!!
And also the fact that parents are so reluctant to write one when teachers spend more time with their child than they do!!!

It's prob my yezer arah, but I'm fuming right now !!!!

ThAnks for replying

Ruchel

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 1:33 pm

amother wrote:

And also the fact that parents are so reluctant to write one when teachers spend more time with their child than they do!!!

this is an extremely unhealthy outlook. The teacher is only a substitute for the parent, halachically (chinuch).

signed,
a mom and teacher who doesn't do, get or want Chanuka cards, gifts anc cutesies...

amother

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 1:37 pm

Ruchel, sorry. Didn't mean to offend , I really talked out of bing upset.... But really teacher play a huge part in our kids chinuch, they can make or break a child so why parents don't want to show appreciation?
Look personally I don't expect cards/ Chanukah belts from parents. If they give me something I'm grateful and if they don't I'm also grateful. I'm here to teach for children not to receive something at the end of the day.

Again I'm really sorry :/

techiemom

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 1:41 pm

As a teacher, I would have been very impressed with a parent who goes to that kind of trouble. At the high-school level we rarely get anything, probably because each student has many teachers and as a parent I realized how difficult that was. It is a shame that parents are so unwilling to participate - I don't understand how if you took the time to call, they could just say 'no.' It's too bad about teachers comparing cards, as well. Perhaps this is something to pass on to a Parent's Association (strength in numbers).

amother

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 1:52 pm

Well it was the teacher association ( PTA ) that complained to me about it!!!!
It's really turning me off to contributing to next yr Chanukah gelt

Happy18

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 1:56 pm

I don't understand what teacher would complain. Personally I am happy with a thank you. Forget a gift. I just want a thank you! If parents write a personal note it is extremely appreciated and occasionally I keep them for those days when I'm fed up with teaching. The school I work in collects money from the parents, but as a teacher I have no clue how much families donate, there is also a limit on how much each family can give regardless of the amount of children in the family.

Whoever complained to you is being ridiculous and you should ignore them.

paprika

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 2:27 pm

When the teacher writes a thank you card to each parent for the Chanukah gift, thats also generic. Every parent would love to get a personal note, but that's too difficult on the teacher's part.

Only the parents could write a personal note to the teacher. If they don't want to do it, that leaves them with getting a generic one from you.

chocolate moose

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 2:47 pm

that's a shame

imasinger

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 3:51 pm

What a pain that you put in so much effort, and nobody appreciated it.

Just like what you worried the teachers were feeling, right?

In general, it works better if you have a group card in some place where parents are likely to spend a minute or two. When dropping off a preschooler, many parents can take an extra minute or two to add a personal note and signature on to a group card that is kept in a cubby.

In general, it is also true that these things come best from within, and not imposed from without. Doesn't help you much, but that's the way things seem to be.

Barbara

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 4:36 pm

amother wrote:

OP, I apologize, but I had a great deal of difficulty understanding your writing. I respectfully wonder if part of the teachers' complaints might have to do with your difficulty in writing. For example, you say, "My job call each parents of each classroom to write Chanukah cards for teachers." There's a verb missing, but I get that. Whats not clear to me was whether your job was to call a class representative for each class (a "classroom parent") to remind that person to write a note to the teacher, or if it was your job to call each parent in the school to ask each parent to write a note to each teacher, so that each teacher would receive 20 notes if there were 20 students. If the cards were similarly written, I can imagine the teachers being a bit perplexed.

In either case, I recognize that soliciting cards from parents is a daunting job, and certainly much more difficult than simply writing a note that says "Dear Morah Rivkah, thank you for being a great teacher. From Class 4-1" OTOH, the latter is meaningless to a teacher, clearly being rote and without any real feeling or thought. I certainly can imagine a teacher being hurt by the "generic" statements.

Moreover, and again this is a bit unclear, it seems that you accepted responsibility for obtaining the genuine letters in return for a tuition reduction, or was it a reduction of your contribution to the Chanukah gift. While I appreciate that you did attempt to obtain genuine notes, I'm sure you can understand how the PTA might believe that not to be the case, as you say that not a single parent provided such a letter, and that all you were able to provide were generic notes that you wrote. A couple of parents not stepping forward is expected. Half would be unusual, but not shocking. But 100% -- not a single parent of a single child in a single class of an entire school being willing to write a single note -- it is quite shocking.

spinkles

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 4:48 pm

I didn't understand everything you said, but it sounded like it wasn't the teachers saying the cards were too generic, it was someone else--either an administrator or a PTA person. So I wouldn't take it too seriously. Just someone who kind of lost perspective, someone who's maybe a little too much of a perfectionist. The teachers don't care what the card says, they just appreciate the nice thoughts (and the money).

It's nice of you to do the cards. Don't feel bad that the parents said no. I used to write cards and collect money for my kids' classes, but now I always say no. It was too much hassle making numerous follow-up calls. People can be so flaky. I just don't have time for that anymore.

amother

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 5:12 pm

Barbara, really thank you for your sarcasism ... Do you each parents had to write a thank you! NO
just ONE PARENTS FROM EACH CLASS... Sorry you have a hard time understanding me with a verb missing next time I post ill ask you to check to make sure nothing is missing!!! And no I wasn't reminding class parents since the school does see it fit to have classroom parents!
Now you had a good idea about just standing there with card and parents taking a min out of their rush busy lives but here is the ick: 1) in the morning parents are usually rushing, 2) in the afternoon most parents don't pick up and have carpool ( same for the morning as well) and 3) I'm at work before my kids school start and pick up late so I wouldn't be able to stand there as if I'm selling lemonade!

And clearly the note didn't just say thank you. It said a lot more than that and much nicer than a mere thank you!

I hope this post is up to your standard Barbara!

amother

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 5:13 pm

Please add a * think* between the " do you...each parents

Barbara

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 5:18 pm

amother wrote:

I was not being sarcastic at all. I was "trying" to be nice. However, your post was virtually incomprehensible to me, and as I said, it had nothing to do with a verb being missing.

I do find it shocking that you contacted upwards of 100 parents, depending upon the number of families in the school, and not a single one responded positively.

studying_torah

Sun, Dec 09 2012, 11:01 pm

I create beautiful handmade cards for my kids teachers every yr, thanking them. I have never gotten a thank u in response, and it feels awful, so I empathize w u!

ValleyMom

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 10:44 am

Well, as someone who has been teaching in the Yeshiva world for 30 years I can and will say this:

I chose to become an educator because I believe I am making a difference.

I do NOT teach because the salary and benefits and retirement plans are outstanding.

I am well aware I will never ever 'get rich' teaching.

HOWEVER:

I KNOW I am making a difference.

I know this because children contact me as adults to let me know where they are in life, where they are studying--
Columbia, Barnard, Parsons, Cooper Union...

One girl sent me a copy of her essay she submitted to Columbia Teachers College. It was all about WHY she wanted to become a teacher and a large portion of it described my classroom setting and much to my surprise she described my teaching philosophy perfectly--after all she wasd five when she was a member of my class!

They send emails and wedding invitations.

Don't get me wrong the starbucks cards, Bloomingdales gift cards, watches, perfume etc are lovely but for ME, the occasional email and or phonecall is priceless.

Last spring I attended the wedding of one of my former kindergarten students and he stopped his walk down the aisle to the Chupah and gave me a a huge smile and wave.

I could feel the tears welling up as I grinned back and waved amidst all the hushed whispers of "who is she?"

Yes. I do appreciate the cards & gifts from parents but honestly it is the handrawn lopsided hearts that children make for me in the art center that I carry around at the bottom of my purse that are truly meaningful to me.

JAWSCIENCE

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 11:53 am

OP, I really think Barbara was just trying to clarify your post, not be mean. I too had some difficultly understanding what you meant and also did not really understand your second post.

I know that when typing in a heated state of mind it is easy to leave out words, letters and punctuation. It is also very tempting to use abbreviations, IM speak, and to shorten phrases that you think everyone will understand. however this can lead to a confusing post. I am still not certain what the situation was that went wrong at your school. Therefore I can only say that I am sorry you are dealing with something that sounds frustrating. I would suggest telling the PTA to find another representative next year as this is not working out for you.

To the Morah who wrote that parents should be embarrassed because the teachers spend more time than they do with their kids, I think you should be embarrassed. I know you wrote quickly, and in anger, but it is very telling of how you feel about the parents of your students. Maybe parents are busy too, working to pay tuition. Maybe they would love to spend more time with their kids, but short of homeschooling (which in many communities makes one an outcast), they need to have their kids in school to get an education. Maybe they don't want to waste the few precious hours they have with their kids, away from work and dinner, writing thank you notes to a teacher who so clearly looks down on them and thinks they are inferior parents for not spending more time with their kids (how would you suggest they spend more time with their kids? Pull them out of school?).

I truly appreciate everything teachers do for our kids. However it seems from all these posts that these Chanukah gifts are not something parents or teachers view as anything more than a hassle. Hakoras hatov is very important but I do not see what chanukah gifts or cards has to do with it. I always thought showing up to PTA and interacting with a teacher, thanking them, teaming with them to help your child was a far better way. It is sad that not a single parent from the school would step up to fill out a card (I find this sort of unbelievable) but it is equally weird that the PTA seems to know that teachers sit in the lounge or wherever comparing their gifts and thank you notes. It makes the whole thing seem less about hakoras hatov (on both sides) and more about status.

zaq

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 11:55 am

studying_torah wrote:

I create beautiful handmade cards for my kids teachers every yr, thanking them. I have never gotten a thank u in response, and it feels awful, so I empathize w u!

A thank you for your thank you card is overdoing it. The exchange could go on forever, with a thank you for your thank you for your thank you. Do you thank people when they send you a thank you for a gift you gave them?

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