I choose my teens over my religion!

freidasima

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 1:00 pm

Busy, that's fudging it and you know it. There are kids who ask and ask and won't let things go until they get answers. What would you do with a kid like that?
How would you answer "where does the baby come out of?"
How would you answer a kid who hears the truth from someone else and asks you if it is true?

Isramom8

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 1:15 pm

Different parents are comfortable with answering different questions at different ages of their children. I have no issue with explaining birth. I just don't. Other parents are uncomfortable.

If a child says she or he heard something and we don't want to discuss the details yet, we say something like hmm, you heard an interesting idea, we'll talk more about this topic when you're more grown up it's applicable. We'll always make sure you know what you need to know. If the child asks if she or heard wrong, we might say that we're not saying it's not correct, just that we'll discuss this more at a later time.

freidasima

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 1:31 pm

And what do you do if a kid still presses? Really intelligent kids, at any age, won't be fobbed off with such an answer? if I would have answered my kid something like that at six or seven she/he would have gone to the computer and looked it up!

Besides, if a kid gets a partially true story from a friend where part of it is nonsense, that kid may end up believing the nonsense and as a result have a really hard time. Think of those kids who were told that they can get pregnant from sitting on the toilet seat after a boy used it...and the incredible fear some of those girls had when they were ten or eleven before anyone talked to them about the truth...

Isramom8

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 1:35 pm

My kids might very well Google it, haha. Probably the filter would prevent accessing inappropriate information.

But I don't think they will. They are secure in knowing what Tatty and Mommy believe to be the good and right approach. They ask if they are confused about something they heard or read.

We already have grown up kids, who are frum and have healthy attitudes about intimacy. So we're pretty secure in our derech.

freidasima

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 4:20 pm

I would be more afraid about the kids getting incorrect information from the street - after all we know the street - and picking up on the attitude that "this is something that mom doesn't want to talk about so I'm sure not going to ask her" - then walking around with this misinformation and getting really scared and mixed up in the tween years before "the talk".

That unfortunately happens, it seems, all the time in families that either "will tell the kids more when they get older" or who misinform the kids themselves with the "Hashem gives us the baby" kind of talk. We see the fall out among teens BTW in the services so....

Don't underestimate the street and the harm misinformation can do.

Isramom8

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 5:09 pm

My kids are not on the street. Even those that could be on the street have no interest in the street. They grew up in city with streets, and it doesn't draw their interest. My kids love being home and with family to the point of driving us crazy B"H!

ahuva1

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 6:02 pm

And what do you say to a 5 yr old boy. How does the baby get there? Mommy has a part of the baby and Tatty puts in the other part. How does Tatty put it in?????

Isramom8

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 7:54 pm

ahuva1 wrote:

Oh, and let me add, Mommy, does it hurt when the baby comes out, how do you know it's coming out?

For some reason this part doesn't make me uncomfy. Yes, it sure hurts! Very Happy

The baby kicks a lot when he or she is ready to come out.

busybuthappy

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 8:16 pm

The ans we r to where the baby comes out of is a special hole that mommys have, and if my kid heard it from someone else of course I would tell them its the truth! If they found out there is no reason to lie. And btw, I found from others when I was about nine or ten, and it had zero negative effect onme.

chavs

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 10:22 pm

I decided to tell dd (aged 4) how babies are born when she told me how I guess she thought she was born. It was bedtime and she said "mummy when I was in your tummy and came it the doctor cut your head up and reached down and picked me out" she said this as she looked at me lovingly and cuddled. I probably looked horrified and said " no dear, not quite" and then told her how she was born. Ds (aged 7)was in in the other room and over heard us talking and asked me shocked if I had to take my knickers of. When I told him yes, he looked scandalised.
They hadn't asked until then how babies were born so I hadn't told them but I always had the intention of telling them the truth when they asked. Now dd talks about how she was born just the same (she likes to talk about how it was living in my tummy(she also knows the words uterus and womb) she just knows the real story and to her is lovely. Once D's got over the 'shock' which lasted 5 seconds it just became part of life, a fact.