putting effort into being nice

amother

Sat, Jan 19 2013, 5:57 pm

I am not a nasty person, but I feel like when I am nice it is because I put effort into it, if you know what I mean. I don't know if I am one of those people who are by nature very nice. I know that I put a lot of effort into being nice, so I do not know if I am naturally like that. Is that ok or does that make me inferior?

imasinger

Sat, Jan 19 2013, 7:37 pm

Actually, I think it makes you superior. Anyone who has to work at something, and achieves it, has gone further. Kol hakavod; may it continue to get easier for you, and may you reap many rewards from your efforts.

amother

Sat, Jan 19 2013, 7:45 pm

That's exactly why we're here - to work on our middos. A neighbor gave me a compliment that she admires me for having such a positive attitude. The truth is that I tend to get depressed but I worked on it. Which is the "real me"? is not the question. It's "How can I be my best self?"

amother

Sat, Jan 19 2013, 8:04 pm

to me the fact that you put so much effort into being nice, regardless of the fact that you most likely are anyway, is amazing. I once went to a lecture and the rabbi said that (this is very deep stuff but will try to condense it to the best I can), someone who is innately a very good person can achieve amazing things and will instinctively do nice and good things. But someone who for whatever reason feels they need to work on themselves, and does so seriously, can achieve MORE and may even have more potential. This is along the lines of why people suffer I.e. so that it will bring out many qualities they didn't realise they had, or further them, etc. The rabbi said something along the lines of when a person is naturally very good, doing good becomes just a natural reaction, something they do not need to think about. But for the person who is working on themselves to become better, someone who feels that deep yearning for growth, will think about it constantly, so that it becomes a part of their daily life to search for and do goodness as they go about their day. Along the lines they not only did the deed but also gained credits for their striving for it and desire to do this.
We are all here for growth and self improvement.