Greet all your guests at a simcha

amother

Thu, Mar 21 2013, 10:38 pm

when making a simcha, please please don't forget to say hi to the people who show up even if you don't know who they are. Obviously if someone you don't know shows up at your simcha there's a good chance they know the other side!
I just came back from a simcha and I still can't believe how ill mannered some people are, especially the main hostesses!! I walked into the hall and only the mechatanistes were there. I introduced myself first to the boy's mother, she knows me in a roundabout way (complicated family connections, I'm related to her son thru her ex) anyway, I went over to her and said mazel tov, I'm so and so. She just stared right at me and was like oh your dash's wife? after confirming that I am dash's wife she just walks away. This in my opinion was weird because the last time I spoke to her she was all so friendly and talkative. Then the girl's mother walked in so I told her mazel tov and introduced myself that I'm the other one (her daughter and me share the same first and last name), all she said was: oh yeh? and walked away. oooookkkaaayyyy....... stayed a few more minutes till the young couple arrived, said my mazel tovs and went home.
I have this horrible taste in my mouth from this experience, maybe it hurts me more because I'm such a friendly person and always hostess a simcha the way it should be by greeting everyone in a friendly manner even if you don't know who they are?

Sherri

Thu, Mar 21 2013, 10:59 pm

amother wrote:

oops! forgot to write which simcha this was at, this was at a vacht nacht.

Well, my theory still stands. Every simcha as happy as we are-hence the term, brings with it its own kind of drama.

I am sorry that you weren't welcomed properly, that doesn't feel good to shlep to a simcha (especially right before Pesach) and not feel warmly welcomed.

harriet

Thu, Mar 21 2013, 11:03 pm

amother wrote:

was in a teeny tiny shul

but why? don't parents just bring their kids in to say shma near the baby and leave? I never heard of it being an official thing (I grew up in Brooklyn). Did you bring kids with you or went as an unattached adult?!!? The last vacht nacht I participated in was my DS's around 5 years ago and it was certainly nothing very official. Have things changed since then or are you in different circles? I don't live in Brooklyn anymore (though still tristate area) and am "regular yeshivish"

Just curious, thanks!

amother

Thu, Mar 21 2013, 11:07 pm

there are people who have the room but don't want the mess especially now before Pesach. I usually don't stick around too long at vacht nachts anyway. I brought my kids, they said shema and we left. The only vacht nachts I'm invited to are usually siblings making one. This happens to be a very close cousin of mine.

amother

Fri, Mar 22 2013, 8:31 am

Quote:

I just came back from a simcha and I still can't believe how ill mannered some people are, especially the main hostesses!! I walked into the hall and only the mechatanistes were there.

It was the couple's simcha, not the mechatanistes'. I'm sure when the couple came they greeted you nicely, since you didn't include them in your post. It's quite common for there to be tension between the two mothers, is it possible you came at an awkward time when there had been a little friction between them? (You mentioned you came early, no one else was there.) Reading between the lines it sounds like they both were a bit upset. Don't take it personally if they weren't so friendly, they may have been struggling to deal with their emotions.

nyer1

Fri, Mar 22 2013, 8:52 am

I hate to say that I experienced this very recently. my brother in law BH is chosson... his kallah and I met once before her and my BIL had even met, so we were acquainted. we spoke very briefly at the small l'chaim and I called her once to say mazel tov and good shabbos. however, I was extremely disappointed that at her vort, she didn't even bother to say hello, thank you for coming, etc. I understand that she was probably overwhelmed with guests and meeting our large family, but im her future sister in law for crying out loud. but I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and didn't want to overwhelm her. so when the party died down, I tried to approach her to say goodbye and tell her she look beautiful etc etc.. but when I approached her and her firends to wish mazel tov, I got such a brief hi. im very disappointed as I am so excited to have a new SIL... we are both young and she is my age, and we have another SIL I am VERY close to who is our age as well. I just hope someone clues her in for proper ettiquette of greeting guests b4 her chassunah