What's wrong with reading at the table?

amother

Mon, Apr 01 2013, 7:00 pm

I grew up in a super laid back home. When it came to table manners, there really were no rules. My parents slurped their soup really loudly, burped at the table, let us eat with our hands, and really never taught us proper table manners. The only rule they had was NO READING AT THE TABLE, and that was a rule that was never broken. I'm not talking about family meals when it was pretty obvious that you shouldn't be reading. I'm talking even about situations when I would be eating a late supper alone or having a snack and would want to sit down with a magazine and relax while I ate. It was a rule you did not question. Reading at the table was out.

I have no idea why.

It was so ingrained in me that you don't read at the table that I taught my own kids the same thing. Only there was a problem--my husband always reads at the table. So I compromised a bit and made the rule that you may not read at the table when there are other people sitting there with you since it's rude. Often, I'll have 2 kids eating together and each one will want to read a magazine, but I make them put it away until one of them is done eating and leaves the table. They often will both insist to me that they don't mind if the other one reads--on the contrary, they would prefer to each be reading than to be sitting doing nothing while they eat. I always respond that it's not a matter of the other person not minding. The fact is that it's rude to be reading when someone else is there with you.

Tonight, my son was eating alone and reading. My daughter sat down with her food, so he begrudgingly put away his magazine. When she was done eating, she got up and he thanked her for being done so he could go back to his reading. Then he said to me, "Mom, all your no-reading rule does is make us look forward to the other person finishing their food faster." And that is indeed true. And it has me second guessing myself.

So, do you let your kids read at the table? When they're alone? When they're eating with others? Why or why not?

Marion

Mon, Apr 01 2013, 10:56 pm

My kids are not quite old enough for this to be an issue, but the answer is no, we do not read if there are other people at the table. Technically, we do not read at the table, but I do if I'm alone. The answers to your question why are:

1. House rule is we don't bring books to the table because I refuse to clean the bookcases and shelves for Pesach. No books at the table means no crumbs in the books. If the table is clean (no food) then sure, go ahead and read at the table.

2. It's rude to sit opposite someone else with your nose in a book. You can't carry on any kind of meaningful conversation if you're immersed in something else. Same reason we don't bring the telephone to the table, or answer the phone during mealtimes.

DrMom

Mon, Apr 01 2013, 10:59 pm

Quote:

My parents slurped their soup really loudly, burped at the table, let us eat with our hands, and really never taught us proper table manners. The only rule they had was NO READING AT THE TABLE, and that was a rule that was never broken.

I'd rather sit next to someone who is reading than burping and slurping. *shudder*

It's not polite to read at the table when others are around because you will probably ignore your fellow diners. I don't see the problem if one is eating alone, though.

We're not very makpid on this I must admit. Everyone reads something at the breakfast table (a newspaper, etc.). And we regularly bring parsha sheets or a chumash to the shabbat table, where they are read alound and discussed with everyone.

etky

Tue, Apr 02 2013, 12:54 am

This is also a huge issue for us. My kids are practically addicted to text and even my 'non-reader' wants to read at the table. We are always having to remind them, actually argue with them, to put away the reading material when they are eating with someone else at the table. We are more lenient for breakfast which is usually a more hurried affair anyway. I also grew up in a home where everyone read at the table and I don't think it is very polite. Especially in our modern world, where inter-personal interaction is overall scarcer than it used to be, it's important to make these rules. It's also good preparation for life outside the home - they need to know how to make polite 'table conversation' with others. Glad to hear that others have this issue too!

chani8

Tue, Apr 02 2013, 3:04 am

We don't allow books at the table for the sake of the books, because I don't want them getting ruined.

We even clear the table before we break out the bentchers (except for the bread tray).

But we do let snacking on the couch with a book, as long as it's not a messy snack. Sunflower seeds are fine.

It's a common sense thing by us, not a hard fast rule.

If a grown up/teen brought a book to the table, I wouldn't say anything. Well, I might say, "Be careful not to get anything on that book." But they would look at me like, "Duh."

AlwaysThinking

Tue, Apr 02 2013, 4:37 am

When I was growing up, we used to read at the table if the whole family wasn't sitting down for a meal I.e. if it was a more informal setting.

At supper time, however, we always made sure to eat as a family and therefore there would be no reading at the table.

I think it worked well because I never felt ignored, and never ignored family members... but when I was 'just eating' I didn't get bored.

The key was that if someone was eating alone and you sit and eat next to them, or the other way round, that was still informal, because you're at a different stage in the meal and not 'eating together' so reading woudl be okay.

granolamom

Tue, Apr 02 2013, 11:49 pm

one of my little pleasures in life is reading the newspaper or magazine while eating my lunch. if my dh or kids are joining me, I begrudgingly put the paper down and it kinda ruins my appetite for my lunch. but I do think it is rude to read at the table when another person is there.
its not really an issue in my house, most of my kids dont like to read (I still cannot understand how I could have a child like that, but whatever), and the one who is a reader likes books, not mag's. I do not allow books near food, for respect to the book, so he doesnt read while eating. he will, however, skip meals when immersed in a book, which is a different, but related problem.

I think, OP, that you are setting a fine example. dont get distracted by the short-term issue of the kids wanting their sibs to finish quickly and leave so they can read. maybe they will one day be inspired to chat while they eat, certainly won't happen if they are reading.