Do you invite yourself for shabbos?

Fox

Thu, Apr 11 2013, 6:54 pm

I'm so disorganized about inviting people that I usually feel they're doing me a favor my initiating the invitation.

That said, it's one of those things that can be charming when done by some people and obnoxious when done by others. In general, at least in my community, it's something of an age/marital status-based thing. Young single people and even older single people are given a lot of leeway in requesting invitations. Married people, either with or without children, generally don't do so unless the hosts are particularly close.

It's clearly obnoxious to treat someone's home like a restaurant. Even if their motives are mixed, invitees need to pretend that the sole reason they're asking to come is because they want a chance to enjoy the hosts' company and cannot host them for some reason.

Rutabaga

Thu, Apr 11 2013, 7:51 pm

We sort of invite ourselves to my parents and in-laws for shabbos. By which I mean that they love when we come, but we have to figure out which week(s) work best for everybody.

I have also done so if I have a simcha to go to in another neighborhood. If I have a friend who lives nearby, I ask if we could sleep over, since it's much more comfortable to be hosted by a friend instead of a stranger. I don't count on meals, except for some breakfast for DD, and I make sure to spend time catching up with my friend.

When DD was little, DH had to travel a lot on business. I used to go to my parents or in-laws for shabbos to get a little break from dealing with DD by myself all the time. Every so often, I needed a break from family as well, so I would sometimes call up a good friend to ask if I could come for shabbos.

The only time I ever invited myself for a shabbos meal within my neighborhood was the week we moved in. I called a friend who already lived here to ask if she would mind arranging meals for us that shabbos because my kitchen would not be ready for cooking.

Oh, and we invited ourselves to people for shabbos when we were trying to decide where to move, but that was not a specific shabbos - just whenever it was good for everyone.

In almost all cases we have reciprocated by inviting people to come to us.

shabri

Fri, Apr 12 2013, 2:35 am

I'll very rarely invite myself to my parents, or maybe my sister or sister in law. Sometimes if someone has invited us for a week that didnt work, I'll call at a time that is good for us and see if it works for them. I always begin with "you can totally say no but this Shabbos works forus, is it good for you?" All of these happen mane 3-4 times a yr at most,

We are the people that people call. I don't mind if its seminary girls or yeshiva guys or singles who have no place to be. But I got a bit irked when my married friend in the neighborhood invited herself, husband and daughter 2 weeks before I was due with my 3rd. Since she "wasn't in the mood to cook". I said to her, I'm in my 9th month, don't you think you should be inviting me to you? Or the time recently a married girl who used to come to us as a single (who we are quite close to) asked t come since "it's so expensive to make Shabbos". I said to her you know it's expensive when I make Shabbos also."

mimivan

Fri, Apr 12 2013, 2:40 am

With three leibediche boys....never!

But I"m divorced so on Shabboses I'm by myself, sometimes, but only people I know really well and know like having me around. And people I know who wouldn't be overwhelmed financially by having one extra guest.

I davka liked it, when married, when people would invite themselves for Shabbos. But not last minute.