How many gifts are you required to give the couple?

amother

Wed, May 01 2013, 4:04 pm

I was wondering what is a sibling, sibling in law, aunt or uncle required to give ones brother, sister, nephew or niece when they get engaged?
Are you supposed to give a seperate vort present, shower gift and wedding gift to this couple?
Does the gift giving change if you are making sheva brochos on your own or chipping in? I am also buying or renting a gown for the chasunah and getting my makeup professionally done. Also, I have to dress my kids special for these occasions. I don't want to look cheap but its getting out of hand. I am posting regarding New York circles.

busydev

Wed, May 01 2013, 4:12 pm

gifts are not have to things.

I received a monetary wedding gift from some of my uncles and aunts plus many of them traveled to my wedding. Monetary gifts were not large, all under $100, some $18, and all much appreciated.

One SIL gave me a gift (mixer) and hosted a SB. the other helped with the SB and did not give anything else- other then her wonderful presence. We gave my SIL a gift, but only cause we had gotten too many of something we couldnt return for our own wedding gift, so we passed it on to her. (it was something nice, just we had a few)

there are no requirements. Give what you can and what you want.

amother

Wed, May 01 2013, 4:15 pm

If you are invited to a shower you can't walk in empty handed. Can somebody change the title of the post please?

amother

Denim

Wed, May 01 2013, 4:19 pm

amother wrote:

If you are invited to a shower you can't walk in empty handed. Can somebody change the title of the post please?

You need to PM a mod to change the title.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

busydev

Wed, May 01 2013, 4:19 pm

This is true. So then you give a gift for the shower and that covers it.

(none of my relatives live close enough to attend my shower)

bookie

Wed, May 01 2013, 4:22 pm

All of my sisters in law gave me shower gifts and they hosted one sheva brachos for us. I gave my nieces shower gifts as well as a monetary wedding gift.

Raisin

Wed, May 01 2013, 4:29 pm

I would think one gift is fine. Or a small inexpensive shower gift plus monetary gift.

Why do you need to have your make up professionally done for a nieces wedding?

amother

Wed, May 01 2013, 9:20 pm

Bookie- did you also give a gift by the engagement party?
I am giving three times plus Sheva Brochos

bookie

Wed, May 01 2013, 9:22 pm

No I didn't give them a gift by the vort. I also didn't do my sheitel or makeup for their weddings. I borrowed long dresses to wear.

SJcookie

Wed, May 01 2013, 9:29 pm

IMHO, a sibling should give a gift for all three of those events. It doesn't have to be expensive, but a gift should definitely be given.
If money is tight, cut back wherever you can. kids can wear borrowed or rented dresses/suits. You can do your own make up or have a friend do it for you.
Also, make the sheva brachot simple but elegant.
Hosting a sheva brachot is very generous, and it definitely isn't cheap or easy. But just note that money/appliances for the home will help a newlywed couple a lot more than tasty dishes at a sheva brachot.

Last edited by SJcookie on Wed, May 01 2013, 9:33 pm; edited 1 time in total

DREAMING

Wed, May 01 2013, 9:33 pm

we chipped in with other siblings for the vort. I want to give wedding presents too but cannot afford right now Sad

nosher

Wed, May 01 2013, 10:19 pm

Some families have a simcha fund where each family gives a set amount such as $200 to one person. Each time there is a simcha, that person is in charge of arranging a gift and/or flowers/cake etc... The amount used is discussed in advance and the same for each simcha. It's simple and probably cheaper than figuring out what to do on your own.

amother

Wed, May 01 2013, 10:34 pm

Not saying you should do exactly these gifts, OP, but here's what dh and I gave my SIL:
For engagement: two sefarim. One for the chatan & one for the kallah
I made a few salads and treats for the "vort"
For bridal shower: a fancy netillat yadayim cup
For wedding: $$

SIL is not frum, so my husband helped a lot with organizing the kallah/chatan classes, the Shabbat chatan (sefardi version of auf ruf), kosher catering at the wedding, etc.

watergirl

Wed, May 01 2013, 11:24 pm

Wait, wait, wait... a gift at the vort? Who does this? I have never seen it (though on this site I've heard of it). And a shower... well, isn't that the whole point of the shower? To "shower" the bride with gifts? I agree to cut back on expenses by not having makeup done and borrowing dresses. Extended family tends to get a bit carried away sometimes I think.

notshanarishona

Thu, May 02 2013, 12:08 am

Just to post a different perspective, didn't get any of my siblings real presents (and none of them got us either). We give small personalized non costly momento's I.e. a recipe book of the the family recipes, a cute picture magnet, etc.. but don't spend money on each other.
We spend a fortune flying in for each wedding and it's understood that our "presence" is worth more than "presents".