My friend's ds is my son's biggest bully in school

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 5:46 pm

This is a horrible situation. This boy makes my son miserable in school. He teases him, calls him names, pushes him around. He is a yr. older than my son but they r in the same class. Because she is my friend I have tried to work this out without getting the principal involved> We both talked to him together about him leaving my ds alone, but she has no control over him and she cries to me how much she is working on him but my son still comes home miserable everyday. If it were any other child I would be running to the principal but with this boy, I see his mother everyday and it would be so uncomfortable if he got kicked out because of us.
The one time I did go to the principal about him, she called me up freaking out and like I said I see her everyday. I don't know what to do.

busydev

Thu, May 23 2013, 5:51 pm

I think that you and your friend should discuss this with the principal.

Tell the principal we have tried xyz. but its not working. how can you help the situation. most principals have experience working with bullies/bullied. they may have some more "tricks up their sleeve" because of classes and training for these situations. It is important to let them know what is going on so they can try interventions.

if you go with your friend, then the principal knows he has a parent that is willing to work with him to rectify the situation and help her child and her child's classmates.

It can make things easier then getting a call from the principal.

5*Mom

Thu, May 23 2013, 5:51 pm

Tell her her son needs help. For his own good, as well as your son's. It's upsetting for both of you, I'm sure, but with a good professional he really can be helped to stop being a bully and it does not have to portend a life of delinquency. Your friend needs to take a deep breath and find a professional for her child.

5*Mom

Thu, May 23 2013, 5:54 pm

busydev wrote:

This has not been my experience. In fact, I would say the opposite. Most principals haven't the foggiest notion as to how to deal with a bully and in the event that they do make an attempt at addressing the problem, they usually make it worse. As it stands now, bullying calls for professional intervention. And some principal training wouldn't hurt either.

busydev

Thu, May 23 2013, 5:59 pm

5*Mom wrote:

busydev wrote:

your right. I should have said most principals in my city. Here (esp in recent years- like the last 5+) they have special training and classes for the principal, teachers and students as well. They come down very strictly on bullies. There are other schools out there as well. (my brother works for one not in my city)

so OP I guess it depends on how the school deals with bullying. if you find the principal can help then def go there. or to their teacher. or any other admin member that can help. Or if your friend will listen to you to get her child professional help then go that way. otherwise try to get the principal to insist on it.

5*Mom

Thu, May 23 2013, 6:02 pm

busydev wrote:

Yeah, this is what I meant. This sounds all well and good to parents who want to know that a school has a "zero tolerance policy" toward bullying. Whatever that means. A bully has issues. The only way to address the bullying is to have a professional address the issues.

busydev

Thu, May 23 2013, 6:05 pm

5*Mom wrote:

busydev wrote:

the bully is usually sent to talk to the social worker etc. as part of the strict come down. no tolerance and get help is part of it. (we will not let your child back into school until they are in therapy) this of course is for big bullies- not for 1 time occurrences.

but they used to ignore it (unless the bullied child had rich parents) and that is tons worse.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 6:46 pm

op here -they do not have a zero tolerance policy in my son's school. My Ds and hers both go to the same social worker..he told the other mom when her ds started to bully my son again (he took a month long break) that its like a married couple they have good days and bad days...yeah if this was a married couple I would tell one of them to leave...he's a bully not a husband.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 7:49 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Well, at least there is one person your friend can control. You.

With respect, please be a more loyal mother. How can you even look at her?

It's funny you say that (or not funny)...bc I cant look at her..I have to force myself. We wait at the same bus stop every day..I cant give her a cold shoulder in front of everyone. I wouldn't even call her a friend..she is just a neighbor I see every day..if I didn't have to face all the time I would be banging down the principals door. When ever I tell her whats going on..she confronts her son and he denies, denies, denies and then she claims my son is just sensitive which he is but there is no denying he is picking on my son.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 8:02 pm

Dolly as usual your words are so wise.

My son was bullied inschool by a teacher and e/o was protecting her! The social worker, principal, special ed head. - I pulled him out of that abusive situationeven though it was a huge ordeal. I am the only one on his side and I need to do what ever is in my power to protect him. Ill tell u somethuing if it was the other way around how would u have reacted? - shame on her for trying to make u feel guilty about protecting your own son.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 8:28 pm

Don't even think about what is going to be the reaction of the neighbor. As dolly said do whatever you have to do to protect your son. I'm sure the neighbor would do it if it was the other way around.
Is she manipulating you to let her son be left not punished. I would send dh to bother them and confront their son every day that my son is bring bullied. Maybe this boy would want to be left in the afternoon alone and leave your son alone in the morning.

Learning

Thu, May 23 2013, 8:31 pm

amother wrote:

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Well, at least there is one person your friend can control. You.

With respect, please be a more loyal mother. How can you even look at her?

If she said your son is just sensitive so she is a bully herself. That's what bullies always say.

amother

Thu, May 23 2013, 9:08 pm

op here..I had a long conversation with the social worker tonight. (He also claims he never made the married couple statement-I told you about earlier) He did agree that the situation is pretty bad and he says he will speak to the principal on my sons behalf tomorrow. Thanks for all your replies.

granolamom

Thu, May 23 2013, 10:26 pm

amother wrote:

these boys need to be separated, at the very least. is there only one class? or can one of them be moved? are the teachers aware? when is the bullying happening? is this boy picking on anyone else? or does he just have it in for your ds?
since they see the same social worker, how bout some couples therapy?

Merrymom

Fri, May 24 2013, 12:35 am

If my friend confided in me that my son was bullying hers, boy oh boy. I love my kids but let me tell you that my son would never bully yours again or he'd be grounded for life and probably worse. I wouldn't stand for that for one second. The fact that your son continues to be bullied, tells me that this mother is doing NOTHING at all, no matter how much she cries to you. Don't worry about her for a second and insist that the school deal with this immediately. Don't tell them that the mother is trying to work on it, she's not.