School Activity non-participation?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Wed, May 29 2013, 12:46 pm

DS#1 (grade 1) has a school-wide event next Tuesday evening that I had no intention of taking him to. It's an end-of-year/topic event on road safety; all the kids and parents are gathering at a park about a kilometre from the school and riding/walking/scooter to the school. My initial considerations for not going were that it's not local to us, so it involved driving to the starting point, walking to the school, walking back to the starting point. I also can't take all the other kids and didn't want to pay a sitter. DH is working until 10 so he can't go or watch the other kids either. Add to that DS#1 doesn't actually ride a bike, and I'm pretty sure we'd take the scooter, only to wind up with me carrying it in both directions once he'd decided he had enough.

Now it appears that mikvah is going to be Tuesday night too. DH won't be home before the mikvah closes, but I'd prefer not to push it off. One more reason not to shlep to this activity. But now DS has decided he wants to go.

Do I get a sitter to take him? Do I get a sitter for mikvah? Do I tell him (DS) no?

momX4

Wed, May 29 2013, 12:56 pm

Can he go with a friend? It hard for kids to miss fun stuff.
If you go, can you carpool. One mom parks at start and one at the finish?

greenfire

Wed, May 29 2013, 12:59 pm

get a sitter for both ... the kid needs to be part of his class regardless of where you live or if he rides a bike ...

and mikva night is not something to take lightly ... with all the chaotic stuff in a married life - it's something to fall back on - aside from the spiritual gift ...

amother

Wed, May 29 2013, 2:03 pm

momX4 wrote:

Can he go with a friend? It hard for kids to miss fun stuff.
If you go, can you carpool. One mom parks at start and one at the finish?

He can't go with a friend and we can't carpool. None of the other parents from the neighbourhood (only 4 kids from the neighbourhood in the school) have access to a car. It's also at a very difficult time of day, 6:00, which is dinner time, then bedtime. I understand it's a schoolwide activity, and for the grade 6 kids it's not so late if they get home around 7:30, but my grade one kid will not function the next day.

Barbara

Wed, May 29 2013, 2:25 pm

amother wrote:

momX4 wrote:

Can he go with a friend? It hard for kids to miss fun stuff.
If you go, can you carpool. One mom parks at start and one at the finish?

Really? I'm shocked that the average child finishing first grade would not be able to function if he went to bed at 8 pm.

The average 7 year-old needs 10 to 11 hours of sleep a night. So if he's on the high end, then putting him to bed at 7:30 would mean 6:30 wake up to get the "normal" amount of sleep. But, of course, you say he couldn't function. Does that mean 2 hours deprived of sleep one night? 9 hours instead of 11? So if you put him to bed 1/2 an hour after getting home at 7:30, he would have to be up at 5 am the next day?

IOW, even if its less sleep than he's used to, he is likely to be just fine for one day.

A trip to the park and scootering to school with mom and all his friends sounds like great fun. I wouldn't deprive him of it if there was any way to avoid it. Put your younger kids in a stroller, farm out older kids to friends, go.

bookie

Wed, May 29 2013, 2:29 pm

I would also find a way to go. I'm a sticker for bedtime but if all his friends will be there than he deserves to be there too.

amother

Wed, May 29 2013, 3:28 pm

Barbara wrote:

amother wrote:

momX4 wrote:

Can he go with a friend? It hard for kids to miss fun stuff.
If you go, can you carpool. One mom parks at start and one at the finish?

He gets up between 5:30 and 6; he seems to need the extra time to get going in the morning, and his bus comes at 7:05. He would not be in bed 1/2 an hour after getting home at 7:30. It would take him half an hour to eat and do the bedtime routine, but he'd be too wired to sleep; he'd be up at least until 9. And I'm guessing that it would end by 7:30, but there's no guarantee and I've been known to guess wrong.

greenfire

Wed, May 29 2013, 3:36 pm

I didn't realize it was an evening activity ... nonetheless you can do your mikva preps during the day and still do both ... so you'll all be a bit more tired the next day

granolamom

Wed, May 29 2013, 10:14 pm

some of my kids really need to be in bed by their bedtimes or they are absolute gremlins the next day.

so I understand. I hate when schools schedule evening events.

you have to know your kid, will he roll with a 'no'? if he is very much wanting to take part in this activity then I would try to make it happen. but if you think he'd be ok missing it, well, maybe I'm a bad mom, but we've missed things like that.

zman tvila is pretty late these days, so you can do both if you wanted to.

amother

Thu, May 30 2013, 1:46 am

When the note first came home I told him we couldn't go, and why (leaving out mikvah, obviously!). That was two weeks ago. This week it seems that's all they're talking about (teacher too) in school and so the pressure is now on to attend. I really do NOT want to go; I think it's going to be too crowded and noisy and disorganized for DS' sensibilities and that ultimately he won't enjoy it even if we go. Which would be unfortunate all the way around...

DrMom

Thu, May 30 2013, 3:24 am

I'd find away to make sure my child could attend.

If the 1st-grader falls alseep a little late, maybe you could help him the next morning so he gets his morning routine completed in time.

It's just one day.

Last edited by DrMom on Thu, May 30 2013, 5:01 am; edited 1 time in total

bamamama

Thu, May 30 2013, 4:08 am

OP, I feel for you. I *hate* it when I have things out of the ordinary routine on mikveh night. When managing many kids, it's so, so hard to add in just one more thing.

costanza

Thu, May 30 2013, 12:44 pm

I don't mind being in the minority - I would definitely not go.
I don't think that your son will really know the difference. If the shcool is putting pressure on and talking about it a lot to him, I would distract him and offer to take him for a quick ice cream or treat at the bakery instead.
You are not a bad mother for not participating.

granolamom

Thu, May 30 2013, 7:21 pm

amother wrote:

well, there's your answer. don't go. no guilt involved.

Merrymom

Thu, May 30 2013, 8:30 pm

Your son will be so upset if you can't find a way to get him there. I would push myself (or better yet dh), I find it heartbreaking to look at their faces when they're so disappointed (reminds me of the time I missed my child's school performance just because I forgot, oy, I had to come back so the entire class could perform for an audience of one, me).

granolamom

Thu, May 30 2013, 9:58 pm

is there anything special you can schedule, so you can tell your ds (and he can repeat to his teachers or friends) 'I'm going out to dinner with my bubby so I cant go on the trip' or whatever. positive spin.

amother

Fri, May 31 2013, 6:01 am

Merrymom wrote:

Clearly you missed the part where I said DH is working?

Anyway, I got two more notes home about it today, and we're just not going. They say it's starting at 6 and finishing around 9...much too late IMO for a first grader, and it definitely interferes with mikvah at that point. I'm not hiring two sitters (one to take him and one to watch everyone else)...it's just not happening. AND the other note says that they got new information from the Board of Ed that requires them to reiterate that such an activity is a WALKING activity (the original, cycling, activity is apparently not allowed) and anyone coming with any wheeled form of transportation does so under the authority and responsibility of their parent, not the school. Which completely negates all the preparation everyone's been doing for the last 3 weeks. Yeah, not happening.

Mama Bear

Fri, May 31 2013, 10:42 am

NO WAY. I wouldnt go either. Too many cons, 0 pros. Your schedule precludes you from going, you dont have a sitter or transportation, your child wont even enjoy it, what's even the question? No. Dont go.

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