I feel lke I can't STAND my daughter!!!

thinkermother

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 8:43 pm

rosenbal wrote:

There might be real issues and there might be some really bad annoying habits she's developed in conjunction to your responses (we're all guilty of getting unto these bad dynamics.) Does she have these issues at school? If so, probably needs a good evaluation. Is she much worse at home than at school? Then its probably a lot of neg dynamics between you to. Also, totally normal to have bad chemistry between a parent and child. There are ways to improve it. I've taken parenting classes by phone with Simi yellen. She's very practical and really helps address negative behaviors, improve atmosphere in home, improve neg dynamics in parent-child relationships , coping skills , and also addresses bad chemistry with specific children. Ui'm speaking from personal experience! She includes personal consult with her class series. She also dioes private consulting. I can give you. her contact info if you're interested. Good luck. Also, don't forget to daven and, remember you're totally normal and a good parent, but you're human. We can all use objective and experienced advice sometimes.

do u mind posting her contact info as a PSA?

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jun 13 2013, 11:28 pm

OP, are you sure you're not me? shock

My DD is about to turn 10, but emotionally and socially she's 3, sometimes 4 years younger than her actual age. I have to remind myself that I'm not dealing with a 10 year old, I'm dealing with a 6 or 7 year old - and a really hyper and needy one, too.

We took DD in for genetic testing. At first we thought she had Williams Syndrome, but it turned out she didn't have any of the major markers. The doctors think that she has Fragile X Syndrome, but we won't know for sure until we do another blood test.

Right now, we're staring family therapy to help her deal with her anxiety. We're hoping that once we can get a grip on that, that we can start working on her ADD behavior and impulsiveness.

Hang in there, and try to work on your own anxiety. I know that all that crazy energy can be a serious migraine trigger, and there are times when you just have to take a deep breath and say "Could you please go do that somewhere else? Mommy is getting a headache!"

amother

Fri, Jun 14 2013, 4:39 pm

amother wrote:

amother whose dd curses...I so wish we could pm or talk/meet. Seems like we have very similar situations.

set up an anonymous email, post it here and we can talk!

imaalloveragain@gmail.com (all the easier names were taken!)

freeda1

Wed, Jun 26 2013, 7:36 am

For all those who said your daughter feels everything you are feeling within, theyhave no idea what you are going through!! They don't know what it is to have, a child that eats you up inside. And despite the fact that you love her with all your heart and soul, I , and people who have similar situations completely understand what you mean when you say- you cannot stand her. Keep strong. just keep as positive as you can. Count to ten, a million times a day. and Daven! I am talking to myself too, as I write this all down.
It sounds like she has Add/adhd. I would check that out. Also, with a difficult child like that, embrace the good moments and let her know. praise her, hug her, express constant warmth. My son is also, extremely kind and sensitive- and I keep reminding myself those kind of kids grow up to be the best type around. So just remember they are our gifts. And ya it is ok to sometimes "not like them" as long as we always love them!!

amother

Wed, Jun 26 2013, 10:33 am

amother wrote:

amother whose dd curses...I so wish we could pm or talk/meet. Seems like we have very similar situations.

set up an anonymous email, post it here and we can talk!

imaalloveragain@gmail.com (all the easier names were taken!)

Oh, I am that amother, so sorry I just saw this, I will email you soon, amother.

amother

Wed, Jun 26 2013, 10:44 am

I know how you feel, OP. I have a son the same age, and sometimes I really can't stand the sight of him! But I love him to bits, how do you explain that? This morning he got on my last nerve, as I was rushing to get all the kids ready for daycamp, and finally I started yelling at him and I was really mean. I told him that he will end up with no friends and no one around if he keeps making everyone crazy and that even his own mother counts down the minutes until the bus comes to pick him up for school or camp. He was crying and I was almost crying. He apologized and tried to give me a hug, but I was so angry I didn't even hug him back. I feel so guilty now I don't know what to do with myself. I know he is just a kid and he is trying to find his way and he doesn't mean to be difficult. But I am only human! And I can't ignore the behavior either because it is my job to guide him to be a good person. So I commiserate with you. You aren't the only mother who's child takes it all out of her.

imasinger

Wed, Jun 26 2013, 11:18 am

Above amother, what a rough morning! I hope tomorrow is better.

I'm a little worried about your reaction, though. The fact that you feel guilty about exploding is good, because it is unfair to a child to just say "But I am only human" as if that makes it OK. It is concerning that you could not accept his apology and his hug in the moment.

Our children learn from our behavior, and if we cannot control our tempers, they will learn from us. Please reread the other posts on this thread, particularly the 7:39 and the 10:01 amother on the previous page.

If you want to post about exactly what he did to drive you crazy this morning, maybe we could help you brainstorm some ideas that would stop him before the last straw. Would you be willing to share?

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jun 26 2013, 5:59 pm

I am extremely careful to let my daughter know that I don't like some of the things she DOES, but that I do love her with all my heart.

The key is to separate the actions from the person. If she swears, you can hate the swearing, but still love the person. It's not enough to say "I don't like you when you swear", that still sends a message that will affect her self esteem and security. If you say "I really don't like it when you swear" it is much more directed to the action, and takes the personal attack out of it.

She may be acting tough right now, but I guarantee you that her ego is extremely fragile right now. Some kids will DARE you to love them, and it's your job not to take the bait.

amother

Wed, Jun 26 2013, 6:44 pm

I have a similar child...one therapist believes he's on the spectrum. Regardless, life is hard. Therapy helps minimally.

I think these kids are just wired differently...perhaps not everything in life can be fixed

amother

Wed, Jun 26 2013, 7:49 pm

amother wrote:

amother whose dd curses...I so wish we could pm or talk/meet. Seems like we have very similar situations.

set up an anonymous email, post it here and we can talk!

imaalloveragain@gmail.com (all the easier names were taken!)

sorry ima3times@gmail.com

Liba Miri

Fri, Jul 05 2013, 7:49 am

Hugs, this can not be easy for either of you!
Have you tried taking time out just for you and her? Maybe going out for a cup of tea or ice cream one day a week? It might help her to feel more grown up, and help her feel more responsible for her decisions,too.
If you want to talk please feel free to pm me.