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amother


 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 2:02 pm
OK, I'm posting as amother because I really don't want to reveal so much personal info all in one place under my screenname, but the regulars here will probably recognize me anyway, so Wave Please don't out me to the rest of the universe, but feel free to PM.

We are very well set up where we are now, but have outgrown our home and are on the brink of giving up on finding a bigger one. There has just been NOTHING. We were hanging on and hanging on hoping something would come up and now we are just up against a wall and thinking we might need to jump ship - and quickish. So trying to do a year's worth of planning all at once. Help! We need a lot of info to figure out first of all if it's even worth it to move, and if so, where to. So here's what we need, can you tell us what we'll find in your community and because finances are a huge part of this story, about how much can we expect it to cost:

[Name of community:]
1) A home with at least 2 bedrooms, rental, plus utilities and all other relevant housing expenses - how much?
2) DH is currently in kollel and has smicha but looking towards a career. Ideal: A kollel+college program. Second best: A part time kollel with some stipend or less-expensive housing, and a good college somewhere nearby (ultimate goal is PA program but he still needs a whole lot of prerequisites that he could probably get anywhere) Third best: Professional level rabbi job, maybe in some Jewish organization, NOT rebbie/kiruv/mashgiach. Any of these options in your community that you have any info about or contacts we could talk to?
3) A preferably part time job in education/special ed/tutoring for me: Is there demand? What kind of salary?
4) Preschool and for the not so distant future, elementary school: Options, tuition?
5) Babysitting for baby: Cost?
6) Any public transportation? I suppose we'd need a car anywhere out of NYC but surely one car is cheaper than two? And how much should we expect to pay for a car and its maintenance (I know this is not really a moving/relocating question but since we currently live in NY and don't need a car at all, it will be part of the equation)
7) Is there already a sofer or mohel in your community? DH is both and would love to count on either or both of those for a side income, but it's the kind of thing that most smaller communities only have enough business for one.
8) What else should we know about your community?
9) What else should we be factoring into the financial equation?
10) Bonus if it's not too far from NY because all of our family is there, we are close family people, and we have a bunch of older relatives who would miss us very much but don't travel. So let's add as an official question: How long does it take to get to NY? If flying is the way to go, how much does it tend to cost?
11) Tell me how your neighborhood is diverse and accepting and very friendly to newcomers, because we're all pretty shy!
12) DAGNABIT WE COULD CUT THIS WHOLE DISCUSSION SHORT IF WE COULD JUST GET AN APARTMENT IN OUR CURRENT NEIGHBORHOOD. ANY APARTMENT. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS!!!

Thanks in advance!
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Sherri




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 2:15 pm
Wave
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 8:59 pm
I remember seeing ads, though not so recently, about kollel-college programs in Cincinnati. I think.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 9:16 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
I remember seeing ads, though not so recently, about kollel-college programs in Cincinnati. I think.

Any idea where/who/how to get info on this? I also heard something about this but the only person I know who lives in Cincinnati didn't.

Now our pendulum is swinging back towards "Just pray harder that something turns up locally" because it would be so hard to uproot our whole life here just because we are stuck in a silly housing/finance issue. (2 separate issues, surprisingly. Housing is the worse one. There isn't any. We keep saying we don't fit here anymore, and then sticking it out just a little longer hoping something comes up, then giving up and thinking about moving out of town, then getting overwhelmed with that and thinking about sticking it out a bit longer... but this time I really REALLY think we have reached the limit.)
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 11:26 pm
Sounds as if you have a one-bedroom, a toddler and a new baby?

The usual thing is to put the kids in the bedroom (closed door) and the couple sleeps in the livingroom. This is do-able util the kids get old enough so you don't want them walking in on your married privacy, but that's years from now.

You are probably sleeping in the only bedroom. That's a mistake.

If you discard the bed and build a big carpeted wooden platform, it serves as bed and couch and play area and is livingroom-ish, not so bedroom-y.

That way you can stay where you are. You don't seem to really want to move.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 11:37 pm
We really don't want to move but we REALLY are not fitting. We are a couple with a very-almost-toddler and a preschooler. The bedroom and living room are both tiny - it was meant to be a studio and we split it up when our first kid got old enough to want really out of our room. There would be no room for two adult beds in the living room, plus the front door opens right into the living room, I don't need every visitor and UPS man to see straight into my bedroom! Let alone the kids, one of whom is already quite old enough not to want to walk in on anything really private. I already worry about what she can hear because she sleeps right outside our door (there is nowhere else! other than that is the kitchen door, the bathroom door, and the front door, and that's about the size of the living room/dining room/study/workroom/playroom!)

I'm not really visualizing the platform idea. It does sound intriguing, I just have no idea how it would work for us.
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debsters1101




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 11:48 pm
How about kew gardens hills or kew gardens in queens? KG is cheaper and more yeshivish than KGH. KGH has 2 big yeshivas- chafetz Chaim and ohr hachaim, and KG has a big one too I forget the name. Lots of schools here so lots of job options for you. Very friendly especially if your husband is in a kollel it seems to me the various n' shei women are pretty tight with each other. And in KGH there is landers which has a small kollel, but more importantly, is yeshiva/ college. Not super cheap, a two bedroom I think runs around 1500-1800. 1800 is the most but you can probably find for cheaper than 1500 if you're willing to compromise on aesthetics.
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debsters1101




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 11:50 pm
Oh and those rental prices are for KGH. I don't know prices in KG but I know they are definitely cheaper.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2013, 11:57 pm
Hmm.

(The bedding was rolled up on the platform, with throw pillows, and does not look at all like a bed, during the day.)

There are pull-out couches, convertibles, and an inflatable twin for the second bed.

-----------
I wonder if you can do a swap with a local older relative who has more space than they need now, and ... who would appreciate your remaining near them!.
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curiousgeorge1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 12:25 am
I think you should look into bayswater. Rent is very cheap there and it's in ny so probably not far from ur jobs and family. It would be hard to manage without a car there. There are plenty of Koller in Bayswater, Far Rockaway and the 5 towns. Far Rockaway also has some building with cheap rent but not as cheap as bayswater. I don't actually live there so I can't answer all of ur questions.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 12:52 am
If you are willing to leave the NY area, there is a kollel in Madison, Wisconsin. It's a university town, so that helps with the college part. I have no idea how to answer your other questions, but if you follow the link I'm sure you can find someone who can.

Hatzlacha!
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eschaya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 8:24 am
I might have an interesting option for you. Please PM me if you'd like.
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shirtsandskirts




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 8:56 am
I second bayswater. Housing is cheap, renting is cheap, and there is a kollel here as well as many in 5towns/Far Rockaway with college option. PM me for more info if you are interested
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amother


 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 8:59 am
debsters1101 wrote:
How about kew gardens hills or kew gardens in queens? KG is cheaper and more yeshivish than KGH. KGH has 2 big yeshivas- chafetz Chaim and ohr hachaim, and KG has a big one too I forget the name. Lots of schools here so lots of job options for you. Very friendly especially if your husband is in a kollel it seems to me the various n' shei women are pretty tight with each other. And in KGH there is landers which has a small kollel, but more importantly, is yeshiva/ college. Not super cheap, a two bedroom I think runs around 1500-1800. 1800 is the most but you can probably find for cheaper than 1500 if you're willing to compromise on aesthetics.


I live in KGH, but I am not from there, nor is my husband. The bolded is the problem with KGH... you say "tight", I say "cliquey". Its so tight that you cant break in and they aren't interested in adding new friends to their ranks.

OP, if you are looking for a place where people will come and say hi to you and welcome you in, KGH will NOT do that. Also, the apartments are very tiny. If you are part of a kollel here you *might* have a fighting chance. There are lots of schools, but the boy options are horrible. The girl options are actually the saving grace of the community, both Bnos Malka and Bais Yaakov are wonderful.

If you want warm and welcoming to newcomers, with no community affiliations prior to moving, KGH is NOT for you.
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hop613




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 9:05 am
CAn you not find any apartment, or just not one that you can afford? I don't mean this in a mean way, I'm jsut trying to understand if it is a matter of money or a matter of "there are no apartments available" in your current location.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 10:05 am
For info on the Cincinnati kollel, email kollel at shul .net. Ask for Rabbi Spetner (I didnt want to post personal email or phone on this publically visible page).
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amother


 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 11:06 am
Thanks for all the responses! I actually never thought of the Bayswater area, maybe we should look into that. I had been thinking along the lines of NY vs Way Out. Thanks for the idea.

Queens is going to be too expensive, the only reason we can afford our current NY neighborhood is because we have a few other things going for us here. If we leave it, it has to be for somewhere cheaper.

Hm, never heard of a frum community in Madison, thanks for sharing, Rutabaga!

Eschaya, I am intrigued, will PM you.

Hop613, it's both. We can't afford to buy, and there aren't enough rentals to meet demand. We could afford to rent but just haven't found one. Any time I hear of something it's gone before I even heard about it.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 12:06 pm
amother wrote:


Hm, never heard of a frum community in Madison, thanks for sharing,
.


Neither have I. I thought the kollel was a campus kiruv thing.
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ILOVELIFE




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 12:32 pm
What about Marine Park? I don't know the rates but I heard it's far cheaper than most of the Brooklyn/Queens neighborhoods
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musicmom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 17 2013, 12:35 pm
0. West Hartford, CT
1. $900 -$1400 2 -3 bdrm apt (floor of house, plenty of room)
2. No kollel, but 30 min from one in Waterbury
3. You could sub in school system with a college degree or maybe teach in our day school, not sure salary
4. Our school is great, preschool is 1/2 off if you are new, so 3 mornings a week comes to 2500 plus registration. School is expensive but has financial aid
5. Babysitting is 300 a week (I think)
6. bus transportation (but not everywhere, you need a car)
7. We have a mohel but not a sofer
8. Our community is very beautiful with trees and nature and sidewalks everywhere. It is diverse, friendly and fun. It is definitely a small-town feel! There are young children here. Every shul is pretty much within an hour walking distance. We are a two hour drive from New York. If you drive closer to New York and park your car you can take the train in for less money.
11. My neighborhood is very diverse and accepting. A lady lives on my street who has a used clothing store with toys too which are really really nice and inexpensive. The store is a few blocks away. One next door neighbor has a pool in their backyard which they said our kids could use anytime. The other side of our house is a lawnbowling club where everyone happily greets us. We have parks at schools every couple blocks. Our community cooks food for people when they have babies even if you just move here. They are pretty warm and inviting. We are all pretty diverse but get along really well.
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