Ongoing Story | Imamother

June

Thu, Jun 20 2013, 5:47 am

Shira helped her best friend into the frothy white gown and straightened her veil into place. She stepped backwards to make sure everything was perfect and sucked in her breath. Ariella looked stunning. Her long dark curls framed her face and set off the white gown and veil to perfection. The makeup artist had done an amazing job: somehow striking and subtle at the same time. Her gown had been custom made, and now Shira realized that every lengthy fitting she had sat through with Ariella was worth it. Impulsively, Shira threw her arms around her friend and squeezed tightly.
"This is it," she whispered, before leading Ariella out to the waiting photographer.
Shira watched the photographer pose the kallah against the mirrored wall of the lobby, holding her flowers against her chin. She felt herself tear up watching her best friend; Ariella looked so poised and confident as she beamed a huge smile at the camera.
Her friend was starting a whole new stage in life, full of newness, excitement, and uncertainty. She knew Ariella was nervous, but she was sure of one thing: Ariella and Moshe were perfect for each other.
But Ariella, gazing at her reflection in the mirror, was anything but sure.

mandr

Thu, Jun 20 2013, 10:47 am

Ariella was the oldest in her family and her parents were so thrilled to set her off on the path of Shidduchim, when she just barely grazed eighteen. By nineteen (what a long wait!) years old she had finally met her Mr. Perfect a.k.a. Moshe. Moshe was such a fun guy and made her laugh. He had taken her on exciting dates. But best of all? He was so insanely handsome. Even her level-headed father had conceded on that. Finally, after 5 dates they had announced their engagement to all the world.

The morning after her L'chaim, Ariella woke up and had thought to herself, "Oh no, oh no, oh no. What on earth did I just do?" Her parents and friends reassured her that such thinking was quite normal for young kallahs and that she will soon grow into the title of "Kallah" quite well. That entire day felt really weird. Everyone called, texted and IM'd to share their wishes and Mazel Tov's, but Ariella felt they were talking about some other Ariella who became a kallah -- not her.

And then the doubts, worries and insecurities really began to surface like mold in a wet basement.

seeker

Sun, Jun 23 2013, 3:14 pm

When Shira returned from the ladies' room, her first minute alone in six hours, the wedding hall looked starkly different. Having sent off the starry-eyed couple, Ariella's little sibs tumbled around the cavernous space while the teens giggled together over nothing that anyone else would understand. (The chosson's family had already whisked out, hoping to return to Lakewood with some time left to sleep.) Her parents were somehow tying up loose ends while still looking rather dreamy themselves. A feeling of invisibility settled over Shira as she hung back in the shadows, taking in the scene. At another time that almost-familiar feeling would have made her squirm, but after spending the entire day just-off-center it was almost welcome.

She lingered just a moment longer, watching the hall staff do their equally invisible work. The centerpieces were heaped aside, delicate stems sagging. The tables, stripped of their linens, looked decidedly shabby. The floor that had so sparkled with dancers and light all night was now dingy and dull. The wedding had been perfectly dazzling. Now, as an anonymous worker tossed an empty glass bottle into a bin, it was almost like the sound of a fantasy bubble going "POP."

Shira quietly retrieved her belongings and slipped out.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2013, 3:38 pm

The week whizzed by, a thrilling blur of lavish meals, singing, dancing, and wide smiles. Ariella felt like she was floating, soaring. So this is what it feels like to be in la-la land, she thought to herself happily, thinking of all the times shed observed newlywed girls who seemed to have perpetual dreamy grins plastered on their faces and shed wonder what makes them all become like that?
And now she knew, she thought, as she watched the darkened streets of brooklyn through the car window. Or did she? what was it exactly? She definitely loved the attention, the sense of importance, that came with being a kallah. She loved being doted upon, seated at the head of the table, she loved seeing people glow when she merely smiled at them. She was thriving on her kallah status.
She peeked at Moshe. He was sitting beside her in the drivers seat, his face blank as he stared ahead at the road, graceful fingers lightly touching the steering wheel. In the dark of the car, his perfectly chiseled jaw seemed sharper, his jet black hair even more shocking. Ariella smiled a small smile to herself as she watched him. None of her friends' husbands looked like that, she thought, a bubble of pride swelling up within her. She stifled a giggle as she compared her good friend Shaindy's husband Zalmy to Moshe. Zalmy was a real greasy yeshiva guy, with a scraggly beard that hadnt properly grown in yet, unruly peyos and wire rimmed glasses. There was nothing to even compare. Moshe's tall,meticulous, stunning presence put short, chunky Zalmy to shame.
"What's the joke?" Moshes voice jolted her out of her reverie.
embarrased, she flushed. She hadn't realized that she had chuckled out loud. "nothing," she said quickly.
Moshe flashed her his pearly white smile. "Are you excited for lakewood, Ariella?"
"Well.." To be truthful, she had been trying to ignore the knot in her stomach that had made its appearance as soon as they had loaded their luggage into the small camry and said their goodbyes to their families. Lakewood was a whole new world, even though it was fairly close to brooklyn, and she would be able to visit whenever she wanted. But to start off anew, alone, with no family nearby..it was scary.
But she wasn't about to tell that to Moshe.
"Yeah-I'm excited!" she managed to sound enthusiastic.
Moshe eyed her. "It will be good for you," he said. "Being independent, learning to live without your mommy by your side."
Was that a trace of sarcasm in his voice? Ariella wasn't sure. Had Moshe realized how close she and her mother were?

June

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 6:12 am

Chaya Marks hobbled out of the bright wedding hall after her husband. She still wasn't used to wearing heels after all those years of wearing flats or low wedges. Her new husband was 6'3, and liked how she looked in high heels.
The wedding had been nice, but tiresome. Her cousin's 20 year old friends, in sleek sheitels and some wearing dressy maternity tops, seemed loud and immature. At least this time, at her youngest cousin's wedding, she wasn't the "older cousin" who, nebbach, needed a shidduch. Wearing her own brand new wig and shiny rings, she was able to wholeheartedly share in her cousin's simcha.
She painfully quickened her steps to catch up with her husband and smiled up at him.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" She asked
"I missed you too much, over on the men's side," he teased. "Did you miss me?"
Chaya paused at the lighthearted question. She still wasn't used to having someone on the other side to miss.
They arrived at their car and her husband jumped ahead of her to open her door. Chaya smiled at him again, this time a little annoyed.
"I'm not incapable, you know," she said, trying to keep her voice light. She knew it wasn't really fair of her. Binyamin just wanted to pamper her, to make up for all the years before they found each other.

They drove the few short blocks to their apartment in tired silence. Pulling up in front of their basement apartment, they saw their usual spot was taken by a brand new black Camry with its trunk open. A man appeared from around the car and removed a suitcase from the trunk. His wife, a pretty young thing in a snood, stood nervously looking around the dark development.

Binyamin maneuvered the car into another spot and rolled his eyes.
"Perlstein's new tenants. Looks like they just finished sheva brachos."

Chaya was too tired to introduce herself, but as she passed, she took a quick look at the new neighbor. Yes, she was newly married, and she was very, very young.

peanutsmom

Tue, Jul 02 2013, 12:46 pm

"Good Morning" Moshe called as he came into the apartment the next morning.
"OH MY GOSH!!! Ariella jumped out of bed. She couldn't believe she overslept on her first 'real' morning married. She had wanted to be all ready for him with a lovely breakfast on the table.
"Sorry Moshe, I completely overslept" Ariella apologized feeling a bit ashamed.
"Oh don't worry-happy for you that you got that sleep" He replied with a smile.
Ariella quickly got dressed and dabbed on some makeup, hoping Moshe couldn't tell that she hadn't slept well all night. "Well at least I have the last hour and half of sleep to run on today" She thought to herself.
"So there's a lot to do today" Moshe stated over breakfast (fresh bread and some butter that he had picked up on the way home from shacharis).
"Yeah, all the unpacking and setting this apt. up!!" Ariella replied, hoping she sounded cheerful about it. When she thought about it she really was cheerful-just very nervous and very tired.
They both finished up breakfast while she was still trying to figure out why she couldn't sleep last night. "Well no time to think about that now, too much to do" she muttered to herself as she cleared the table.
The rest of their furniture was supposed to be coming later today so Ariella started on her kitchen while Moshe tackeled his suitcases in the bedroom. "Just make sure to leave me the whole closet" Ariella teased him on her way to the kitchen.

June

Wed, Jul 03 2013, 3:50 am

What an exhausting day! After 10 extremely busy hours of setting up their kitchen, grocery shopping, receiving their furniture, and arranging it to their satisfaction, the apartment was finally set up.
Ariella took a long hot shower and relaxed for the first time all day. Their apartment - their home - was up and running. She couldn't wait to start cooking and keeping house. Today they had skipped lunch and ordered pizza for dinner, but tomorrow she would wake up early and make a gourmet breakfast. Pancakes, she decided. With a fruit salad on the side and a big dollop of ice cream. And maybe she would also whip up a batch of muffins. And what about iced coffee? Or pink lemonade?
There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Gonna be in there all night?"
Ariella jumped. She forgot that her husband was waiting to shower. Glancing at the bathroom clock, she quickly started gathering her shower things and opened the door.
"Omg, I'm so sorry, Mosh. I totally lost track of time."
"Oh. Curling your eyelashes again?" When he saw her using the lash curler before their first sheva brachos, he thought it was some cruel instrument of torture. Once she explained its use to him, he couldn't stop teasing her about it.
"No," she replied loftily. "I was trimming my nose hairs."
Laughing, she went back to their bedroom and he stepped into the shower.

Ariella couldn't sleep, again. Maybe it was the brand new mattresses and unfamiliar room. Maybe it was Moshe's soft breathing, so different from her sister Miri's quiet snores. Ariella giggled into her pillow. She never dreamed she would miss Miri's snoring.
But she did miss it. And she missed her old bedroom and her family and Brooklyn.
A wave of nervousness washed over her. She didn't know anybody in Lakewood. Next week she would be starting a new job in a large office, and she didn't know anyone who worked there. She would have to go to the mikva soon, and she had heard so many horror stories about the Lakewood mikva. And her neighbors all seemed so snobby.
At least I have Moshe, Ariella thought as she gazed over at her sleeping husband. He made it all worth it.

amother

Mon, Jul 08 2013, 5:25 pm

Ariella stumbled up the front steps, the shopping bags tumbling around her as she fumbled for the key in her longchamp shoulder bag. She let herself in to the dark and cool apartment, breathing a sigh of relief as she threw the bags on the floor and sank down on the couch.
Whew! she was tired. Since they had finally finished unpacking, and she was free to relax, she had decided to take a drive around the area, get familiar with the streets. She had stopped in Moishy's supermarket to stock up their bare kitchen, and had actually had such a good time finding all the stuff they needed. Or didn't really need.
She eyed the heap of shopping bags guiltily. Ok, so maybe there were some things there that she hadnt really needed. Like, for instance, the 6 pack of diet coke cans. Moishe only drank sprite, and Ariella never drank anything other than water. But hey, they needed other stuff in the house in case of surprise guests, right? And anyway, the diet coke cans were on sale! It would be a crime to leave them in the store.
She forced herself to get up, and soon she was humming happily as she wiped down the counters in the little wooden kitchen cabinets and started piling the cans on a shelf. Hmmm. She peered at the can she was holding, wrinkling her small nose in thought. Sour cherries. Why had she bought that again? Oh right. Maybe she would make a cherry pie for shabbos. And five?! cans of peas. She had never even tasted canned peas. Ah, never mind. They would probably be delicious. They were also on sale. She Messed a stray strand of her sheitel off her forehead and reached up to put the peas on the shelf.
just as she was arranging the last can in a row, a sharp rapping knock at the door made her jump.
Who could be visiting her? She didnt know anyone around here. Curious, Ariella hurriedly unlocked the front door.
She found herself face to face with someone who looked more than a little bit annoyed.
"Um, hi," Ariella greeted her, smiling nervously.
The girl was tall, broad, and slightly imposing. She had a wide, pale face with high, defined cheekbones, and a long, straight dark sheitel that matched her burning eyes.
She seemed much older than her, around 28, Ariella guessed.
"Hi," she said. Even her voice was strong, deep, even. Her face was unsmiling.
"Is that your car, blocking the driveway?" Her tone was accusatory, impatient. "I'm late for work because my car is trapped."
Woops. Ariella blushed. "Oh, gosh! Yeah, it's mine. I totally forgot. I was gonna move it soon.. I just couldn't find a spot.." She turned to the hook near the door where she had hung her keys. " I'll go move it now! Just a sec."
She ran into the living room, shoved her feet into the shoes she had left lying in middle of the room, and ran back outside to her car.
"Thank you," the girl said without emotion, when Ariella had reparked her car across the street and came rushing back breathlessly towards her.
"I'm so sorry," Ariella said. She hesitated. Then, "I'm Ariella Green,by the way," she said offering her most charming dimpled smile, trying to melt the girl's icy facade. "It's nice to finally meet a neighbor."
"I'm Chaya Marks," said the girl simply, "it's nice to meet you too. But you should know, people don't have much time for being neighborly around here." She eyed Ariella with her penetrating gaze. "Most of us work all day and don't have any time for socializing."
Ariella felt herself shrinking. "Oh."
Chaya glanced at her watch. "Well, anyway-I'd better go. I'm so late already. See you around."
And with that, she walked off, her black cardigan billowing out behind her as she marched purposefully toward her grey Honda Accord.
As Ariella watched her receding back, a heavy feeling settled somewhere inside her. Sighing, she turned and walked slowly towards her apartment.

June

Tue, Jul 09 2013, 8:29 am

Miri squinted in the blazing sunlight at the figure across the street who was waving at her. Oh! It was Shira! She waved back and Shira crossed the street.
"Hey, what's up, Miri? Did you speak to Ariella at all yet? How does she like Lakewood, and her apartment, and stuff?"
Miri smiled and shook her head. "I totally didn't speak to her since sheva brachos. Isn't that sad? I think she called and spoke to my mom last night but I wasn't home. She's coming home for Shabbos though, why don't you come over?"
Shira nodded. "Maybe I will. I really miss her..."
"You didn't speak to her yet at all?! I thought you guys speak to each other every day!"
"Not anymore," Shira responded bitterly. "Now I'm lucky if she texts me. I gotta run, Miri, it was good seeing you."
Before Miri could say anything, Shira rushed away.

peanutsmom

Thu, Jul 11 2013, 2:35 pm

Shira continued on her way, now in a really rotten mood. Somehow by Miri pointing the obvious out-it had just really hurt. Shira knew that really she could be calling Ariella also, not just waiting for Ariella to call her-but she hated calling people when she knew they were busy, and she didn't know Ariella's new schedule in life. "Uch" She thought to herself, "I hate that our relationship is forced to change."
------------------------------------
Ariella was also not in a good mood. Her run-in with that new neighbor had really put a sour taste in her mouth all day. She wasn't sure what to make of it-and tried very hard to just think that the girl must have just been annoyed b/c she was blocked in-but deep down she had a bad feeling about her. "ooh, I should really call Shira now-to catch up on whats going on by her, and fill her in on life by me." But then she squelched that thought. She didn't want to flaunt her new life too much to Shira-and she for sure didn't want to complain to her. "after all, she wishes she could be where I am".

agreer

Sun, Jul 14 2013, 8:37 pm

That Friday night, Shira sat at her parent's table, wondering what to do about tomorrow. She knew Ariella would be home visiting her parents, and she really wanted to catch up with her, but Ariella hadn't even called to tell her that she'd be in town! Shira was so disappointed. She wasn't used to being snubbed like this. Ariella was the first of her friends to get married, and Shira had heard about newlyweds in "la-la land", but she always thought her friendship with Ariella was stronger than that. Alas...

Shira had wanted to tell Ariella about the horrible date she'd been on last night. This "great guy" had shown up forty minutes late and then got lost on his way to the lounge he was looking for, so they spent two hours circling the same ten blocks near her house. He hadn't even had the courtesy to offer to run into 7-11 to buy her a drink!

Shira thought about how Ariella's life was so perfect. Ariella had been on exactly 5 dates with Moshe, all thrilling and exciting, and Shira was sure Ariella couldn't relate to her dating flops. Ariella had been out with only one boy and married him; Shira was already in the double-digits and had nothing even potentially viable on the horizon.

"Shira! Hello, earth to Shira!"
Shira looked up and saw her mother gazing at her quizzically.
"Are you okay? I was asking you if you were going to visit Ariella tomorrow. Her mother told me she's in town for Shabbos."

Shira just stared dumbly back at her mother. What was the point? Ariella would be busy looking at her pictures with her mother, checking in with Moshe and giggling about some private jokes with him. She just doesn't need me anymore, a melancholy Shira thought.

"No, Mom. I think I'm going to stay here tomorrow," was all Shira could muster as she decided to bentch early and call it a night.

peanutsmom

Mon, Jul 15 2013, 2:01 pm

Back in Lakewood, Chaya Marks was really enjoying a Friday night walk with her husband. After being on the "other side" for so long-she always made sure to enjoy these little walks. She was happy to note that the newlyweds were away, making her walk that little bit nicer. "Oooh, I seem so cruel" she thought, but she couldn't really help it. It had been a really hard 6 years waiting around, while it seemed everyone around her was getting married and moving on. Even her 2 younger sisters had gone before her (of course with asking permission and all). And during that time she always found the just married, really young newlyweds the hardest to deal with. She had promised herself that she was not going to be like that and she really wasn't. She just didn't realize that these young newlyweds would still grate on her nerves after she got married too. "Really, that's the way its supposed to be".
"The way what is supposed to be?", Binyamin asked making Chaya jump. She hadn't realized that she had said that last line out loud. For a second she just wanted to answer-"oh nothing," but then thought better of it and told him what she had been thinking. She was trying to get used to being more open about her thoughts.
Binyamin was surprisingly understanding of her viewpoint, and she felt a lot better talking about it with him. He actually made her feel better, explaining that there really is no "supposed to"-and that each of them were on a different journey in life. He reminded her also that life is not a race, and that they didn't have to "catch up" just because they got married late.
They continued this discussion for the rest of their walk, and Chaya was so thankful she had gotten such a great catch.

Roche

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 12:34 am

beeheehee heehee!! Miri's giggle escalated to an exaggerated octave. "Dont drop it Miri, dont drop it!" Moshe got dangerously close to her as she brought a brimming bowl of chicken soup to the table. She laid it down gracefully in Moshe's spot, for you my favorite brother in law, she smiled a bit too sweetly. "Make that your only brother in law." Moshe winked back innocently. He sat down and stole a glance of his lovely new wife before plunging into his hot soup. "What's wrong Ariella?" he whispered. "Why aren't you eating your soup?" Ariella looked up from her cooling bowl and bore two blazingly blue eyes into her new husband, "I'm not hungry. Why don't you spoon feed my soup to Miri." was her biting reply. She deliberated for a moment than threw down the napkin she had been twisting in her hand."Good night." she mumbled, and clumsily got up from the table leaving a bewildered Moshe behind.

Ariella wiped a wayward tear, startling at the light click of the door knob. "Ariella" he whispered, through the crack of the door. "Mind if I come in?" "Don't be silly Moshe, we're married, you don't have to ask that question." her voice sounded stuffy and Moshe entered cautiously. This was the first trying moment of dealing compassionately with a distraught wife. Hopefully Rabbi Pincus's chosson classes wouldn't fail him now. Moshe closed the door quietly behind him and locked it, then sat gingerly on the edge of the bed opposite Ariella. "Ariella, what happened sweetheart?" As distraught as she was, her heart still contracted at the lovely pet name 'sweetheart' and she thawed quite a few degrees. "I, I..." "It's OK Ariella, take your time." There was a long pause. Moshe decided to use humor to lighten up the thick silence that enveloped the few feet of space which separated the two of them. "I'm really sorry, I didn't realize you don't like chicken soup." He would have given her a melting wink had she looked up, but she merely chuckled despite herself, still looking into her dark lap. "I'm sorry for acting like a baby out there." she said with a sniffle. Moshe was silent for a moment leaving Ariella to wonder if he really did think she was a big baby and even worse that perhaps he was really upset at her for the way she acted. "It's OK." he finally managed. "We all have our moments, I'm just not understanding fully what happened out there." Moshe left the ball to be picked up in her court. Ariella twisted her shiny rings and her diamond glistened in the light that peered through the bathroom door. "You know" Ariella began, "For the past two weeks I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't figure out why but I've been waking up at night with this choking feeling in my throat and my heart beating really fast. Every day I wake up feeling like a zombie and it seems to take all the coffee in the world to get me through those first two hours of the day." She looked up at Moshe. Moshe looked shocked and horrified but did not say a word. "When you were teasing Miri, I realize now that it was innocent and all, but at the moment all those heavy feelings in my chest came rushing into me and I actually kinda felt jealous." Moshe couldn't hold his tongue another minute. "Ariella, I cant believe you!" he admonished but in a gentle tone. He actually was very insulted but tried not to make too much of it. "I know I'm sorry." She looked up to see the hurt look on his face and bit her lip. "I'm just not good enough for you Moshe and it's wringing me out!" She paused to catch her breath, the light and airy feeling at having come out with her long held anxiety and at having finally pinpointing what had been wrapping tightly around her all this time was sweetly liberating. She continued, completely oblivious to Moshe's heightening shock. "You're hilarious, I'm corny. You're smart, I'm spaced. You're- " Areilla paused and lowered her voice a decimal. "You're strikingly handsome and I'm just... regular."