Slapping in the face

happy2beme

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 9:38 am

I thought hitting the face can sometimes cause deafness, no?

I don't think the face is an appropriate place to smack someone at all.

I try not to smack at all, I don't think it accomplishes much. Words & a serious face accomplish more, in my experience.

gryp

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 10:01 am

Quote:

Excuse me, but there is a huge difference between hitting children and hitting a husband. Don't compare

yeah, your husband can hit back harder but a child can't. Crying

I can't think of a single thing a child can do that would warrant being hit.

Elizabeth Pantley gives a funny comparison:
[quote]....I’ve read several articles that address the issue of spanking where the writer says it’s okay to spank if the child is in danger – for instance, if a toddler is running into the street, or reaching out to touch a hot burner on the stove. They suggest that at these times a few pops on the rear end are okay. I must admit this naïve mindset baffles me. Why in the world would we want to teach our children about safety by hurting them? Does you ski instructor jab you with his ski pole to teach you not to jump off the chairlift?
http://www.kellymom.com/pantle......html

mirisimma

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 10:13 am

"Never publicly (how humiliating for the child and loss of control for the parent)"

I agree. you may ahve to wait and lose some "effect" bc doing it in public also embarasses them and that just festers anger.

I have a friend who had a son who used to BAWL when he was told he did something wrong, then his next sibling, didnt respond to being told "no" OR to potching on hand or time-out, so they finally decided to try light potching (calm, not hurtful, not public) on face and he responded to it. They felt that it didnt undermine his security bc of HOW it was excuted, and it was necessary bc nothing else seemed to "get through."

I dont have enough experience, but from my naive perch I believe that its not good to intend to cause pain, to embarass, to lose controle or to get angry. but calm punishment is essential, and the POINT of punishment IS to tick them off, isnt it? otherwise it isn't a deterrent.

mirisimma

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 10:14 am

advice I heard from someone once: after you had a really good day with your kids and theyre sleeping, make a list of the things they do that deserve being hit. DONT base it on what youve done on the past.

greenfire

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 12:14 pm

[quote="GR"]

Quote:

Excuse me, but there is a huge difference between hitting children and hitting a husband. Don't compare

yeah, your husband can hit back harder but a child can't. Crying

I can't think of a single thing a child can do that would warrant being hit.

Quote:

....I’ve read several articles that address the issue of spanking where the writer says it’s okay to spank if the child is in danger – for instance, if a toddler is running into the street, or reaching out to touch a hot burner on the stove. I must admit this naïve mindset baffles me. Why in the world would we want to teach our children about safety by hurting them?

I never had a problem showing my kids the dead squirrel run over by a car - this was enough of a lesson for them.
A person feels unloved and emotionally cannot comprehend why a person who loves them can physically hurt them - let alone a child - put yourself into their shoes and imagine the emotional hurt & pain they feel - they do not get why you hit them - only the pain. We learn more from strong and sincere communication with those whom we love.

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 12:18 pm

Quote:

Well, thanks for the guilt trip. I just patched my 3 year old and the cheek and logged onto Imamother and find this lovely thread. I think sometimes kids need the physical wake up call that they are misbehaving.

all that will do will be a wake up call that when someone bothers them it is OK to hit. or when u are VERY upset, hitting is OK>

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 12:19 pm

Quote:

all that will do will be a wake up call that when someone bothers them it is OK to hit. or when u are VERY upset, hitting is OK> however we want our kids to react when upset thats how we should try to remain calm... don get violent.... talk it out later.... etc!

Ruchel

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 12:23 pm

It happened to me. I would say, it happened even to me, as my parents weren't pro hitting like most French parents (and constantly heard about how spoilt I was and how I would turn very bad because of that). I definitely hope my children won't deserve that kind of things, and I agree it's not a pretty sight (and definitely one I don't want to see when I'm in the synagogue praying), but I cannot say I am shocked or horrified to hear that it happens.

I cannot go out in a place where there are children (think supermarket for example) without seeing it at least once (I have started paying attention when I read it was so controversial). Teens are rarely slapped in public as they rarely make scenes in public (too ashamed), but when I was at friends' houses I often saw.

Dh was also slapped until his father died (he was 17) although he was a good kid. Now, when I see parents slapping small children, I can't help thinking "ouch, that's bad".

Imaonwheels

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 8:04 pm

amother wrote:

As mentioned this thread is about the face only. That is what is assur. I also believe in a reasonable wake up call on rare occaisions, but I really feel bad about the 2 times I lost it and hit a kid in the face. It is considered halbabas panim as well.

healthymama

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 8:24 pm

Quote:

I never had a problem showing my kids the dead squirrel run over by a car - this was enough of a lesson for them

This will work for a 5 year old but not for a 1-2 year old who won't connect the two ideas.

And as for the ski instructor moshol, it is just like natural consequences. You stick your hand in the electric socket, you might get zapped. You run in front of a car, you might get hurt. So in those cases, providing a smaller version of the natural consequence (a potch) seems okay.

I have also lightly slapped on the mouth when a child is being rude. Not for pain but for the embarrassment and effect. Had to do it maybe once or twice.

I have also slapped with more force on the face when the child is biting and hanging on. But since then I have learned that it is also effective to push the child's face into the bite, so s/he needs air and lets go.

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2007, 8:54 pm

I have never and will never slap my children on the face. My own mother once hit me on the face and her diamond ring cut my cheek and I bled alot. She was seriously abusing in a lot ofways. I dont do anything that she did. and I will never forgive her.

JRKmommy

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 10:42 am

I don't like potching in general, but slapping in the face is a more serious matter due to lack of respect and greater potential for physical harm. If I saw it IRL, I may be compelled to do something. The Supreme Court of Canada has actually ruled that the law which allows parents to use physical discipline on their children without being charged with assault does NOT cover slaps to the head or face. In plain English, someone who did that here could be charged with assault.

I've never potched my kids (now 7 yrs, 4 yrs and 2.5 yrs) - and amazingly, they are still alive and haven't been hit by cars, burned by hot stoves, or electrocuted by electrical sockets! There are other ways to keep kids safe. When we lived in an apt. on a very busy downtown street, the rule was that dd#1 had to hold my hand the moment we walked out the door. It became automatic for her. With dd#2, who was prone to running, we didn't let her out of the stroller unless she was in a contained area. Kids naturally outgrow that stage. How many developmentally normal adults go around sticking fingers in sockets, falling down stairs or touching hot stoves?

Ruchel: You're going to be a great mom! B'sha'ah tova!

gryp

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 11:34 am

Quote:

I've never potched my kids (now 7 yrs, 4 yrs and 2.5 yrs) - and amazingly, they are still alive and haven't been hit by cars, burned by hot stoves, or electrocuted by electrical sockets! There are other ways to keep kids safe. When we lived in an apt. on a very busy downtown street, the rule was that dd#1 had to hold my hand the moment we walked out the door. It became automatic for her. With dd#2, who was prone to running, we didn't let her out of the stroller unless she was in a contained area. Kids naturally outgrow that stage. How many developmentally normal adults go around sticking fingers in sockets, falling down stairs or touching hot stoves?

JRKMommy

Quote:

a small pain now is better than a harder pain later-after burning hand on stove or cv getting hit by car.

I think preventive measures for these things are better than a smack when it almost happens later.

Mrs. XYZ

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 12:28 pm

greenfire wrote:

Can we have a "smack across the face" icon made - so that when someone is driving us crazy we could slap em?!

Can we have 'kick in the behind' icon, to kick some people out of here? Twisted Evil

Seriously, I think that mothers that hit out of anger, should rather come onto this site and click on a couple of angry icons,( Exploding anger

) rather than letting it out on the kids Exclamation

Dont ya think?

greenfire

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 12:34 pm

Mrs. XYZ wrote:

greenfire wrote:

Can we have a "smack across the face" icon made - so that when someone is driving us crazy we could slap em?!

Can we have 'kick in the behind' icon, to kick some people out of here? Twisted Evil

Seriously, I think that mothers that hit out of anger, should rather come onto this site and click on a couple of angry icons,( Exploding anger

) rather than letting it out on the kids Exclamation

Dont ya think?

certainly!!!
and I wasn't referring to my kids btw

JRKmommy

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 1:44 pm

Call me dense, but I never really understood the whole "need to get their attention" argument. Can't you just go up to your kid, make eye contact and say their name? How about a tap on the shoulder?

I also don't think that pain is such a great teacher either for toddlers. Honestly, my dd#2 had an incredibly high pain threshold. She'd crawl into the bathroom cabinet, bump her head, crawl out, and repeat this 15 times in a row. She'd climb up on the couch, jump off, and bump her head on the floor. The next day, she'd do the same thing with the table. There was just a period of time where I had to watch her like a hawk, because she was climbing everything in sight. If repeated hard bumps to the head didn't dissuade her, what on earth would a potch do? I certainly can't imagine hitting a child harder than that! She was just this totally stoic, fearless tot. [B'H, that stage has largely passed, and she's now a really easy 4 yr old. Another B'H for the fact that my ds has a healthy amount of fear and is much easier to rein in.]

Imaonwheels

Wed, Feb 28 2007, 12:23 am

The 2 times I lost it were not over protecting. I also don't think hitting is the way to protect, consequences, when basically safe, are more effective. For me it was davka for def out of normal realm chutzpah in an older child. There is an age when nothing you say (despite the opp claim by book writers who totally blame parents) gets to the kid. I am not excusing and both times I apologized to the child. BTW, bringing in the civil law, even as back up is slippery slope.

Tefila

Wed, Feb 28 2007, 2:13 am

Quote:

Yup. And again we are talking about here for me anyways 5-7 yr old. Interestingly though I was stricter with my oldest in chutzpa and less so with my younger ones and it yields same results in their chutzpa Confused

.
So probably looking back at it it's not worth it, the reason though I say if one has too it should be the backside is b/c there is padding there and it wont have harmful effects and once done should be sufficent, if you never have to hit kol hakovod to you.
Perhaps one day I will not have to under any circumstances what so ever Wink

But I like to count on one hand how many times I have hit my kids in total and leave it at that.